My Mom (80) has angry outbursts with me then denies they ever happened. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

My Mom (80) has angry outbursts with me then denies they ever happened. Any advice?

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In the last 2 weeks she has yelled and blamed me when she bought the wrong candles and slammed her door in my face because she was upset I spent time with my grandkids without her. I stayed away for 2 days because of her abuse and when she asked me why and I told her she denied both incidents ever happened and is acting like I made them up. She knows she has memory issues but this doesn't seem to help me persuade her that she does take out her anger (usually with others family members who kinda ignore her) and bitterness (which has happened since my Father died 6 years ago). She was talking to me this morning like I was losing my mind as I must have "made up" the candle and door incident.

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Before my mums diagnosis my brother who does nothing to help here called me a "nutcase". Infact all family turned against me and thought i was the cause of mums illness?
Yep you gotta be strong to do this but nobody is that strong its bloody hard work!
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Don't give up, remember it's all temporary..
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Ignore, ignore, ignore!!
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Ignore.....I'm with you in this. Very Frustrating because they can seem so "rational" at times and they are really out of their heads. Good liars, and swearers though. It's their reality I guess. I call it the alternate universe or trip to the twilight zone.
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John it is very good to know you aren't alone and not crazy, an awful spot to be in, especially if you are doing this alone. My mother had my head turning like in the exorcist, she had people believing her stories about me not feeding her, poisoning her, yada yada yada, it is very hurtful, and also remember the "showtiming" aspect which will really make you wonder if you are on mars.
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Thanks to all of you, it really helps just to know you are not alone
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I don't blame adult children that don't visit. She really doesn't sound very pleasant and I bet that you don't want to be there yourself. It can actually effect your health, negatively. She really needs to have round the clock care. Here in Tucson, almost every week, some elderly person wanders away or drives away, and it is heart breaking for the family.

If she is no longer able to take care of herself, her doctor needs to step in and get her into a nursing home.
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John, what you see is moderate dementia, and it only goes downhill from here. It's time to go with her to the MD, it's time to take a good look at her medications and most importantly, it's time to take her keys away. When she is nasty, don't tell her two days later, tell her when it's happening. Say " I think I better go now and I'll come back when you feel better." and calmly get up and go.
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It took me forever to get it through my thick head that my mother really did not remember some of things she said and did, but what is important as Jeanne pointed out, it is the feeling, they always remember the feeling, anger, sadness, shame, feeling stupid. She is going to need your help more and more, best to start really getting yourself educated to dementias, forewarned is forearmed. She probably feels safe enough with you to abuse you, weird but true.
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John, I had that exact conversation with my husband yesterday!

I do enjoy telling him that he's wrong, but the results aren't worth the momentary satisfaction, so I try not to.

Come here and tell us all about her outrageous behavior. We understand.
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