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And even though she has hearing aids, she is practically deaf. It's so very difficult. My dad, who is her primary caregiver, doesn't know if anything is hurting her or if she is sick. Yesterday she refused to eat anything all day so my dad gave her some ice cream before going to bed, which she threw up. This morning, she wouldn't eat breakfast so something is obviously wrong. She can't tell him and when he tries to talk loud enough for her to hear anything, she gets mad. She is at the point where she can't carry on a conversation. Many times, words just come out as sounds, but don't make any sense. She only weighs 90 pounds fully clothed and has terrible equilibrium. In other words, it's just a mess. My parents live on their own and have a caregiver come in for several hours a week. I live 6 hours away. It's hard.

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Hospice, hope, friends, family, photos, treats. She may not talk but she may be able to understand. LOVE, AT LOTS OF IT. TAKE CARE
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In the Syracuse NY area, only patients assessed at being within six months of dying can get hospice care, based on what we were told for my Mom about 4 years ago.

She was turned down within the actual six months, then accepted a week before she actually passed on. This is difficult to assess for the nurse/doctor sometimes.
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3PinkRoses, right you are. One of my good friends' dad was in hospice SEVEN YEARS. He was removed from hospice, placed back on, removed, and back. There's no magic number. A doctor makes the determination that hospice is appropriate, and, as I understand it, that determination is supposed to be based on a best guess of six months to a year. But, as evidenced so many times, doctors are sometimes wrong.
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If your mom is so thin and not eating and even throwing up when she eats; perhaps it is time for a hospice evaluation. My mother had hospice twice before she passed away. And it was one year apart from the first hospice intervention. Hospice can help in so many ways and it is not a death sentence if someone has hospice; as many people think. My mother was living proof of this.

Sending hugs and empathize with the situation. Take care and blessings to you.
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Several hours a week is woefully shy of what your mom needs. If I were you, I'd get a senior social worker over to their house to see what's going on. If he's like lots of men, she hasn't been eating right for a long time. He may have his own problems, and she may not be getting the meds she needs to lessen her symptoms. Or she could be over-medicated.

You don't say how old your mom and dad are, but I can assure you that a couple of hours a week of professional care giving isn't enough.
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It sounds like your mom needs more help than your dad can provide. If she is unable to communicate her needs to him then she needs more care than even a caregiver who comes in a few times a week can provide.

Have you discussed long term care with your dad?
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In a case like this, you call their police department and send someone to check on them. You keep in touch with the ER when they get there.
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