Well, She's probably embarrassed, if she bedbugs, there are likely other issues too. I worked in Elder Care and what my clients called ME was their "personal assistant"..which made them feel special, I suppose. It was the same urine soaked clothes I was washing as if they'd called me Aging Care Assistant, which is what I was.
I did do light housekeeping--and she lived with her daughter's family in a HUGE house--so the daughter and I declared 'boundaries' so I wasn't doing the family's laundry along with my client's--altho my client felt that anything I did for her daughter's family was as if SHE had done it.
One, she wanted to make a key lime pie for her SIL, this was a special treat that her daughter made for her hubby all the time. I tried to persuade 'A' that this wasn't in our purview of 'jobs' but she insisted. I made the pies, knowing full well the daughter was going to come home and make some too. Who needs 4 key lime pies? Her daughter was furious ( 2 women cannot share a kitchen) and I calmed her down by saying we'd cut one slice for her hubby and the kids could eat that pie and we took the other one to a neighbor.
A LOT of diplomacy is required to work in another person's home, trust me.
Thanks for all of your responses. I live in Ohio and get there once a year. I helped her the time that I’m there by t can’t stay because it is dirty and she’s had bedbugs, who ch she has called Orkin for twice. My husband and I stay in VRBOs and go there every day to help. She won’t give me a reason why she won’t allow people to clesn
Can you frame it as getting someone trained so they can help more if she really needs them? Maybe once a week for a half day to see how it works?
Are there any tasks she might accept help with or like to delegate? Bathing? Back rub? Laundry? Fruit and veggie prep? Cooking meals that are good for later too? Meal cleanup? Empty the trash and take it to the curb on trash night? Errands?
Something like: "Your assistant could come and help you bathe and dress, you could go to the farmer's market and get some _____ to bring home, then she could clean/peel/cook it for you. If there's time she could wash your bedding/tidy up the bathroom/vacuum the _____."
Maybe she refuses to go to the farmer's market but likes having some peeled oranges left in bowls in the refrigerator and having the stuff in the laundry hamper cleaned and put away?
Housecleaning may sound like too much. I've heard it called light housekeeping.
You use it! Schedule it around the time you can be there, and make sure Mom is not alone when cleaning team shows up. If she needs it, and you or her or anyone else cannot clean, get them in one time... And see how it goes. Maybe once every 3 months or so... Just try it one time ,MOM. Please.
My mom has the same thing. 3 days of 4 hours apiece of 'caregiving/light housekeeping' and trust me, she NEEDS this.
Sadly, she's at a place where she doesn't trust anyone to do anything for her. If I ask to take out the trash, for example, she has to look in it. If I throw something away, she insists on seeing what I tossed.
If she doesn't trust FAMILY--no way she's letting a stranger in. She knows she is able to use this policy, but she refuses. How sad, dad bought it for just the reason she won't use it--not a natural housekeeper, he knew she'd start the hoarding and not cleaning well (she physically cannot) and we'd be right where we are.
I don't even bring it up.
However, you still have a chance to get someone in to help mom and when she sees what a difference clean living spaces make, and you are there, getting to know the CG along with her--it could work.
Probably mom doesn't trust strangers in her home (& I wouldn't either). Could you sit with her while the worker cleans? It may be a nice time for both of you, (& after a few times, mom may get used to the worker & be okay alone). Also, that would help you decide whether the worker is any good. (Some do almost nothing!) Good luck:)
This is just a thought you might consider. Have you studied your mom’s LTC policy? My aunt who has Parkinson’s has it for life. That’s what she purchased. Once it was activated it will pay as long as she lives. She had Alz in her family and thought she would need that. Her husband, my uncle, has it for a set number of years. He hasn’t activated it as he doesn’t need it yet. Not all policies are the same. Your mom may be ‘saving it until she thinks she really needs it. she may not remember why she’s saving it at this point. I’m just suggesting that you really look it over and make sure you know what the situation is so that she (and you) get the best benefit of what it provides. Her agent may have cautioned her against using it too soon.
Can you provide a little more info? Has your mom been assessed for cognitive decline? Do you live locally to her or with her? Who is her PoA? I'm assuming she is using her LTC due to some physical issue... if she has been found to have dementia symptoms, then resistance and stubbornness and some irrationality is common but may get worse. If her house is becoming unsafe or unsanitary due to her resistance to clean, perhaps you can take her out for the day while the service comes in to clean? She may not like it or she may not notice.
I worked in Elder Care and what my clients called ME was their "personal assistant"..which made them feel special, I suppose. It was the same urine soaked clothes I was washing as if they'd called me Aging Care Assistant, which is what I was.
I did do light housekeeping--and she lived with her daughter's family in a HUGE house--so the daughter and I declared 'boundaries' so I wasn't doing the family's laundry along with my client's--altho my client felt that anything I did for her daughter's family was as if SHE had done it.
One, she wanted to make a key lime pie for her SIL, this was a special treat that her daughter made for her hubby all the time. I tried to persuade 'A' that this wasn't in our purview of 'jobs' but she insisted. I made the pies, knowing full well the daughter was going to come home and make some too. Who needs 4 key lime pies? Her daughter was furious ( 2 women cannot share a kitchen) and I calmed her down by saying we'd cut one slice for her hubby and the kids could eat that pie and we took the other one to a neighbor.
A LOT of diplomacy is required to work in another person's home, trust me.
Are there any tasks she might accept help with or like to delegate?
Bathing?
Back rub?
Laundry?
Fruit and veggie prep?
Cooking meals that are good for later too?
Meal cleanup?
Empty the trash and take it to the curb on trash night?
Errands?
Something like: "Your assistant could come and help you bathe and dress, you could go to the farmer's market and get some _____ to bring home, then she could clean/peel/cook it for you. If there's time she could wash your bedding/tidy up the bathroom/vacuum the _____."
Maybe she refuses to go to the farmer's market but likes having some peeled oranges left in bowls in the refrigerator and having the stuff in the laundry hamper cleaned and put away?
Housecleaning may sound like too much. I've heard it called light housekeeping.
Sadly, she's at a place where she doesn't trust anyone to do anything for her. If I ask to take out the trash, for example, she has to look in it. If I throw something away, she insists on seeing what I tossed.
If she doesn't trust FAMILY--no way she's letting a stranger in. She knows she is able to use this policy, but she refuses. How sad, dad bought it for just the reason she won't use it--not a natural housekeeper, he knew she'd start the hoarding and not cleaning well (she physically cannot) and we'd be right where we are.
I don't even bring it up.
However, you still have a chance to get someone in to help mom and when she sees what a difference clean living spaces make, and you are there, getting to know the CG along with her--it could work.
Have you studied your mom’s LTC policy? My aunt who has Parkinson’s has it for life. That’s what she purchased. Once it was activated it will pay as long as she lives. She had Alz in her family and thought she would need that. Her husband, my uncle, has it for a set number of years. He hasn’t activated it as he doesn’t need it yet. Not all policies are the same. Your mom may be ‘saving it until she thinks she really needs it.
she may not remember why she’s saving it at this point. I’m just suggesting that you really look it over and make sure you know what the situation is so that she (and you) get the best benefit of what it provides. Her agent may have cautioned her against using it too soon.