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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Well if your mom can't walk nor get out of bed, she'll have one hell of a time getting across the country don't ya think? Your moms brain is now permanently broken so why are you even entertaining anything that your mom has to say? When she says that, you just remind her that she is safe and well taken care of where she's at and that you love her very much. And then you change the subject.
My MIL was bedbound in LTC for 7 years, in an awesome place. She would often sundown and "want to go home" even though her home had been sold almost a decade ago. I'd tell her the doctor would assess her for release if she could demonstrate all her ADLs, including walking, which insisted she could do. She didn't like this answer but she'd stop asking to leave and we weren't the bad guys saying "no". Then we just changed the subject.
She is where she needs to be. You wouldn’t let an 8-year-old call the shots in her life, right? Same deal here. Your mom can’t think rationally anymore.
Give mom a big smile and let her know your love and care. This plan will never happen but the fantasy won’t hurt her, it also needs no discussion. Thankful she’s safe and cared for
If she's been there for 11 years and is now bedbound with dementia, don't move her. If you were to move her to a facility closer to you she probably would not acclimate to it.
How far gone is she with dementia? Would she be able to understand that if she gets moved it will be to a care facility in your area and not into your house. If she wouldn't be able to understand this, then make something up like your landlord won't allow another person to be on the lease. Or you're looking or a different place.
Glad to see you back on the forum. You asked basically the same question last month only this time you clarified that mom was actuslly living in IL for 11 yrs and is now in the SNF. So how long has she been bed bound and living in SNF? How long has she had to become acclimated? The SNF can be totally different from the Independent living even if in the same campus. Was your dad living with her before he passed? Her life has totally changed.
Did you try any of the suggestions you received last time and if so, how did it go?
Dementia symptoms can come and go like a flickering lamp that gets dimmer as time goes by. So mom may be sharp and with it one day and not so much the next time you speak with her.
You have to meet her where she is cognitively. One day she will accept “when the doctor says that you are all better you can go home”, another day she might call BS on it. Also the time of day you call can make a difference. Perhaps keep a journal and make a few notes when you talk to her to see if you can tell the better times to call. Early mornings, after her bath, etc. and which answers seem to reassure her. And remember that if she has short term memory, you will get another chance on the next call to polish your lines. that can be in 5 minutes or next week.
Teepa Snow gives tips on how to interact with dementia patients. Many of us have found her advice helpful. You can find info and videos about her on YouTube. Just copy and paste that in your browser and AI will fill you in.
How long have you lived far away from mom? How often do you see her? Does she have other family who live nearby and visit? Are you her POA? Just trying to get a clearer picture of your situation with mom. If you are the daughter who moved away that can always put a smile on moms face and a sibling is her close by POA, then you might want to get on the same page with what mom is being told by others.
I think if she is alone except for you and you want to move her into a SNF closer to you, that has some merit. I don’t think you should move her in with you. If she is on Medicaid or will be soon, there are many challenges to such a move.
You are grieving for your father and you need a minute before trying to make any big decisions and that one is as big as they come. Hugs for you and mom.
I try and change the subject. My mother is in a SNF, she has a very difficult time getting up, when she does she uses a walker. She still talks about taking driving lessons (her license was revoked due to not passing the eye exam 5 years ago) and says ‘I gotta get out of here.’ I ask her ‘so what’s the plan? You can walk right outta here if you want to’ she has no follow up answer. She never planned to get old (80) says she still feels young, yet let herself gain weight so her legs barely move and didn’t save a dime. Poor decision making.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Your moms brain is now permanently broken so why are you even entertaining anything that your mom has to say?
When she says that, you just remind her that she is safe and well taken care of where she's at and that you love her very much. And then you change the subject.
You can stop answering her calls if they are driving you crazy and she is stuck on this loop. Just check in with the facility a few times a week.
How far gone is she with dementia? Would she be able to understand that if she gets moved it will be to a care facility in your area and not into your house. If she wouldn't be able to understand this, then make something up like your landlord won't allow another person to be on the lease. Or you're looking or a different place.
Glad to see you back on the forum. You asked basically the same question last month only this time you clarified that mom was actuslly living in IL for 11 yrs and is now in the SNF. So how long has she been bed bound and living in SNF? How long has she had to become acclimated? The SNF can be totally different from the Independent living even if in the same campus. Was your dad living with her before he passed? Her life has totally changed.
Did you try any of the suggestions you received last time and if so, how did it go?
Dementia symptoms can come and go like a flickering lamp that gets dimmer as time goes by. So mom may be sharp and with it one day and not so much the next time you speak with her.
You have to meet her where she is cognitively. One day she will accept “when the doctor says that you are all better you can go home”, another day she might call BS on it. Also the time of day you call can make a difference. Perhaps keep a journal and make a few notes when you talk to her to see if you can tell the better times to call. Early mornings, after her bath, etc. and which answers seem to reassure her. And remember that if she has short term memory, you will get another chance on the next call to polish your lines. that can be in 5 minutes or next week.
Teepa Snow gives tips on how to interact with dementia patients. Many of us have found her advice helpful. You can find info and videos about her on YouTube. Just copy and paste that in your browser and AI will fill you in.
How long have you lived far away from mom? How often do you see her? Does she have other family who live nearby and visit? Are you her POA? Just trying to get a clearer picture of your situation with mom. If you are the daughter who moved away that can always put a smile on moms face and a sibling is her close by POA, then you might want to get on the same page with what mom is being told by others.
I think if she is alone except for you and you want to move her into a SNF closer to you, that has some merit. I don’t think you should move her in with you. If she is on Medicaid or will be soon, there are many challenges to such a move.
You are grieving for your father and you need a minute before trying to make any big decisions and that one is as big as they come. Hugs for you and mom.
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