Try the non-invasive measures first. Limiting her contact with your mom for a while may help. Try asking your mom on one of her good days, what upsets her about the girl, but if your mom denies it...don't push her...at this stage we aren't looking to cure things...just to make things easier. The UTI investigation is a good idea too. Infections can cause odd behaviour in the elderly, and women are more prone to UTI's. If all else fails, consult a doctor. Medications may be necessary to prevent a harmful accident.
Brumble, I'm all for family members and loved ones sharing experience and moral support, but in this instance it clearly does upset your mother and her needs come first. There doesn't have to be a rational basis to her dislike for its cause to be avoided, especially when it can so easily be avoided.
If your mother can't talk or can't talk well now, the only way she can express her objection is by acting out, and she does. It's a shame, and I'm sure the lady means well, but it won't hurt her to steer clear of your parents.
Yes she is in an assisted living/memory care facility. The lady comes there to visit her Mother. Mom used to be sweet to her but all of a sudden, she’s not!?
Definitely rule out the Urinary Tract infection first. Not uncommon at all for Parkinson's delusions to have a good deal of paranoid mistaken things happening. This particular lady should not visit for a while. This may help a lot. Try 15 days without visit and see how that goes, but do the U/A first of anything else.
Brumble, it may be time to have your Mom checked for an Urinary Tract Infection. Such an infection can cause all types of strange symptoms when it happens to an older person.
I see by your profile that your Mom is living in Assisted Living, see if a nurse can do an UTI test.
There is no rhyme or reason why they act like they do. As we say here "her brain is broken". They get something in their mind and they won't let it go.
When my mother suffered from dementia she developed a fear and strong dislike of men. I have no idea why. The bad theng was, she assumed everyone with short hair was a man. Many women in her facility had short hair and she slapped three of them that I know of.
If your mother is delusional, she is not seeing this person—she is seeing someone else. Can you ask her why she doesn’t like this person?
What can you tell us about the particular lady that your mother has taken against? Is she a caregiver, friend, family member, visitor from a religious congregation? Is she well known to your mother, and previously well-liked?
There could be any number of underlying reasons for your mother's behaviour towards her, ranging from the woman's having given your mother cause to fear or dislike her (inadvertently or otherwise), to the woman's triggering some unconscious unpleasant memory in your mother, to something about the woman (perfume, texture of clothing, tone of voice) that rubs her up the wrong way, to nothing comprehensible at all. I should think it unlikely that the lady has actually done a thing to deserve this, but it's not impossible - has that crossed your mind?
But let's assume the lady hasn't done anything wrong. In any case, unless she needs to be there for some real purpose, I should think that the best thing to do for now is to explain to her that while you want to stress that she is in no way to blame it would be better if she did not visit for the time being.
The lady is a the daughter of one of the other residents. I have a feeling it may be a jealousy thing, she talks to my Dad when they’re both there visiting. She tried talking to mom too but mom has lost her ability to speak. Mom still knows her husband and has always been protective of him...?
The UTI investigation is a good idea too. Infections can cause odd behaviour in the elderly, and women are more prone to UTI's.
If all else fails, consult a doctor. Medications may be necessary to prevent a harmful accident.
If your mother can't talk or can't talk well now, the only way she can express her objection is by acting out, and she does. It's a shame, and I'm sure the lady means well, but it won't hurt her to steer clear of your parents.
Not uncommon at all for Parkinson's delusions to have a good deal of paranoid mistaken things happening. This particular lady should not visit for a while. This may help a lot. Try 15 days without visit and see how that goes, but do the U/A first of anything else.
I see by your profile that your Mom is living in Assisted Living, see if a nurse can do an UTI test.
If your mother is delusional, she is not seeing this person—she is seeing someone else. Can you ask her why she doesn’t like this person?
There could be any number of underlying reasons for your mother's behaviour towards her, ranging from the woman's having given your mother cause to fear or dislike her (inadvertently or otherwise), to the woman's triggering some unconscious unpleasant memory in your mother, to something about the woman (perfume, texture of clothing, tone of voice) that rubs her up the wrong way, to nothing comprehensible at all. I should think it unlikely that the lady has actually done a thing to deserve this, but it's not impossible - has that crossed your mind?
But let's assume the lady hasn't done anything wrong. In any case, unless she needs to be there for some real purpose, I should think that the best thing to do for now is to explain to her that while you want to stress that she is in no way to blame it would be better if she did not visit for the time being.