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I have no legal power or knowledge of any kind of her banking, savings, her will or anything. She has never trusted anyone in her life. I am the only child and do not deserve just hateful belligerent treatment. What are my responsibilties if she abuses other people at the bank, police, her neighbors? Her in assisted living or some type of medication to reel in her extreme aggression.

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How involved with your mother do you want to be? POA might not be a good idea - it could put responsibilities on you, possible charges of neglect, when the reality is that you cannot do anything to change your mother or control her. Sounds like she has been an abuser all your life. Do you really want to be at her mercy? POA is not guardianship, and you might ask yourself if a court appointed guardian would be a wiser course.
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Both my parents are alive and act the same way. I too am an only child which makes things worse. Seems to be alot of only children on this site. Always believed that I was the only one in this situation. Dad is worse than Mom. Both will be 90 soon, in and out of Hospital since 2012. When Dad was in Hospital and than went to re-hab he kept driving all his room mates out. He was mean to all of them. He is very mean to my husband and myself. You just have to say you are sorry to people for their behavior and hope the accept. Am at witts end.
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Does SHE have any siblings?
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There are drugs to alter this behavior. My Mom (88) is on them. You have no responsibility for her actions. It's just embarrassing when you are with her....been there. All you can do is apologize for her behavior and hope those on the abusive end understand. Also, you need to try to get POA in the event that something does happen to her. You will have to have access to her funds for whatever...burial, nursing home, etc. Good luck and God bless.
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Since you do not have any POA or any legal rights, call adult protective services to get an evaluation of her and then perhaps that person can recommend treatment. You do not have any responsibilities if she does anything outside your control and even then if she has dementia, she is not responsible for her actions. Since she has chosen to exclude you from her personal life, save yourself a lot of grief and leave her alone. She obviously wants you to stay out of her life now as in the past.
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I am in the same boat....but i live in canada, our laws are different. My sister & I have enduring POA, I know the going ons of his bank account. He is very nasty to me, even thou I do everything for him, he has mild dementia, lives alone, refuses to allow anyone in to clean his home....but as you im told there is nothing I can do until he either falls and breaks something, hurts himself, starts a fire or hurts someone else. But above all i am not responsiable for his outbreaks and neither are u for ur moms....hang in there...xo
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You have no legal responsibilities for her debts. They cannot come after adult children for their parents debts - not that they won't try - just hang up. Her behavior is not your problem either. Try and disengage so it is not so emotionally charged. That is to protect you. Your are entitled to happiness and contentment in life even if your Mother was never able to achieve it. Good luck.
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All the above is good advice. It won't cure anything having to do with your mother's behavior or her lack of preparation, but it will demonstrate that you've gotten your ducks in a row. So, yes, provide your contact info to the people she deals with, contact an elder law attorney to see what (if anything) your responsibilities are. If you can communicate with her doctor privately/in writing, then do that. Keep records of everything just in case. And that's about it, I think, that you can do.
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Sounds like one of those situations where she will accept no help until something bad happens and she has to. If she is not a danger to herself or others yet, APS may not be able to help either. But the fact that you make an attempt to help and get help from outside agencies and document it should somewhat protect you from accusations of neglect. Having her end up with a court-appointed guardian is not necessarily a bad outcome, but state laws on filial responsibility vary, and at least a consultation with an eldercare attorney is good advice.
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In a similar situation, I finally thought of something I could do that made me feel less helpless: I called the people who have reason to deal with her or be affected by her (as someone suggested, the bank manager for instance). I said, "Look, I have only one purpose for this call, and that's to give you my contact information. There isn't much I can do and she's so paranoid that if you tell her that you and I spoke she may well fire YOU. But if something weird happens and you are asking yourself, 'where the heck is her adult child?,' please know that she is so secretive I probably don't have the faintest idea what's going on. And I invite you to let me know, so that I can help if at all possible. So, just keep my contact information on file." People have been grateful and understanding and discreet, because they know it's in their interest. Good luck.
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You aren't responsible for her behavior at all. Has she been declared incompetent by a doctor? It sounds like she needs to be evaluated and have that declaration. One of the things you could do it file for Guardianship. you would need a Lawyer (which you might want anyway) and it means going to court to have your mom declared legally incompetent. Its very hard to do but it sounds like something that may need to be done just the same. Remember that her behavior is part of her illness and she may not even be aware of what she is doing. Unfortunately things can only get worse for her. From your description of her behavior an Assisted living option would not be possible as they can't be aggressive like you have described, however a memory/alzimers/dementia Unit may be a better fit. They were a good fit for my FIL and they are more tolerant of residents with aggressive tendencies.

Be aware though that any type of nursing care facility isn't cheap. Prepare for sticker shock. Most want at least 6 mos of private pay before Medicaid kicks in. If she is going in with only Medicaid to pay for it then you have a good 2 year wait. So if its something you are thinking she will need you should get her on a wait list NOW.
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No, you are not legally responsible for her behavior. But in some states you may be responsible for her welfare, since you are the only child. Whether or not you are responsible for her welfare, it is obvious that she needs help AND financial protection. Contact her doctor and an elder care attorney. If you don't take steps to protect her welfare and interests, the day will soon come when things get worse and she will end up assigned a guardian by the court.
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What are your responsibilities for your mother's behaviour? None at all.

Of course that won't stop it making you squirm on her behalf, but you are in no way responsible. Learning not to FEEL responsible, and not to allow yourself to be made to feel responsible, for the behaviour of other people over whom you have no control is, by the way, an important personal breakthrough - well worth working on.
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Well, Assisted Living is not possible if she is aggressive, they won't take anyone with physical aggression. If I were you, I would notify the local 911 about her condition and give them your contact information in case she loses control. She probably should not be driving anymore, even to the bank. Get to know the manager at the bank and give him your contact information, again in case there is an outburst. Last but not least, see if the MD can prescribe a mild anxiolytic medicine to keep her on an even keel.
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You are not responsible for your mom's behavior. Even if you had POA or other legal documents in place. You can't be held responsible.
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She needs to be examined by a Dr again and you let them know ( not in front of her) whats going on. Others have mentioned organizations on aging, check your area. The way she treats others shouldn't effect you ( but I understand) - once shes seen by a specialty Dr, hopefully she can get further help.

As for her accounts, you will have to see an attorney about that if she has no one she listed to handle them. I wish you luck.
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