My mother is 81. She lives alone in a house that she has finished paying for. I’m her daughter, age 58. I live on the other side of the country. My brother lives an 8-hour drive from Mom. In March 2018, Mom was diagnosed with mild dementia, vascular or mixed. In December 2018, I arranged for Mom to sign a new durable POA and advance medical, naming my brother and I as equal co-agents (with the full knowledge and agreement of my brother). My question: How should I approach an elder law attorney with my own needs and priorities for the future? Needs and priorities such as: I will be the one to move in with Mom for a period of time as her dementia gets worse, and I will be the one to make all the arrangements for any type of care. I think it’s reasonable for me to be compensated for that by a gift and/or lump sum family caregiver contract. It’s only fair that my brother should have a gift as well. My brother and I want the flexibility to be able to sell her house in the future if she is permanently in a nursing home. I would like the flexibility to move Mom to another state when her dementia becomes severe enough so she can’t object. How can I make my needs and priorities known to an elder law attorney without the attorney assuming I’m acting unethically? Is it considered “normal” for me to give the attorney a general plan for what I want in the coming years? Perhaps I should give the attorney more detailed info on Mom’s diagnoses (dementia, depression, anxiety). But at the same time, I don’t want the elder law attorney to doubt Mom’s ability to understand and sign legal documents. Meanwhile, Mom doesn’t want to discuss her future care needs because it’s too upsetting. Mom can’t add and subtract anymore, and she is confused about the difference between one-thousand and one-hundred-thousand. For Mom, a $4,000 charge for an attorney might as well be $4 million. I understand that legally, Mom is the client, but I am a big part of Mom’s future and I have needs too. The elder law attorney would never even have a conversation with Mom if I didn’t initiate it. How do families and elder law attorneys deal with this situation in real life?