Mom has dementia. Had her take a professional driving test in Jan. Had to wait 2 months and pay over $400 and she passed! Any advice?

Two years ago, my husband's uncle (Alzheimer's) headed to LV from AZ to visit wife in hospital, ended up in Los Angles and got into an accident! He realized he was lost & made a U-turn in the middle of the highway. Ended up in the hospital. Thank God no one else was seriously hurt.
Car was totaled, and license revoked.

Stitchintime9, my condolences on the passing of your husband. I’ve been through the same. It’s so sad to see them go, but a relief at the same time, because you know they aren’t suffering any longer (and now you can recover from the long battle that you fought for him).

Losing the ability to drive means a loss of independence. It’s hard for some to accept that. I sympathize with you. My dad had his license taken away in Nevada because of seizures. He also lost an arm in a car accident 17 years ago. Plus he’s been on tons of meds since the accident. Anyway he refused to stop driving! And my mon has no back bone so she wouldn’t take away the keys. One day he had a doctors appointment about 30 minutes away and mom didn’t drive him that day. I don’t remember why. Anyway he dozed off on the way to the dr and rolled the car, totaling it! He’s lucky he didn’t hurt or kill anyone else. He did spend a few days in the hospital with minor injuries. And he did get a ticket. Don’t know what the charges were but he did get in trouble criminally. He has his license back but I think he still drove after that accident SMDH! And it absolutely infuriated me.

In CA, it’s quite easy to get a license revoked. I was rear-ended by a 83 year old woman and she has some apparent cognitive issues at the scene of the accident so the officer had her license evaluated by the DMV and she ended up losing it. I don’t know if maybe she had dementia or Alzheimer’s. After she hit me, she got out of the drivers seat, and sat in the back seat of her car. Later that night she called the police because her car had been wrecked and she didn’t know what to do. I called her insurance a day later and she hadn’t even called to report the accident to them!

Hi VAdaughter - This is one of the more difficult issues of being a caregiver, causing a lot of resentment and anger for everyone.
Not sure what state you live in, but in my state for instance, it requires that physicians must submit a confidential report to the health department and DMV when an individual is thought to be a danger to themselves or others being diagnosed as having Alzheimer's disease or related disorders, including dementia, severe enough to impair a person's ability to operate a motor vehicle - So, to make a long story short, if you provide the doctor with the same information you've listed here, he can make the determination and be the bad guy. But: here's the caution, just because a person has Alzheimers/dementia or impaired judgement, doesn't mean they don't know how to be crafty. Point being, if the doctor determines she should stop driving, you MUST take away all keys, and/or make the car inoperable. Chances are it won't be easy as you can already see, but it's for her own safety. Quick story - dementia dad had a spare key in the dresser drawer, found it and took off, got lost, but thankfully police brought him back home safe versus a tragic ending. Here's hoping your can get the situation resolved quickly and safely.
globee

vadaughter: Yikes! How unfortunate that she passed! Good grief---so you don't even know if this was a single vehicle accident or if she did damage to someone else's car?  Adding to FF's post-- "the auto parts are no longer being manufactured." Sorry, the end of driving.

Story about my late father-in-law. He had pulled up to get gas. A young man pulled up and was getting his gas, too, but spoke to my FIL, saying "Sir, do you realize that you almost killed my son and I back there on the road?" My FIL always the jokester laughed.

The question of age/mental capacity etc is a difficult one as is how and when to take the keys away from a parent or spouse. I worked as a personal lines/commercial lines insurance adjuster for 27 years and saw the aftermath of what can happen. It is not a pretty picture.

My honey after having his major stroke in 2005 didn't care to drive until he had recovered enough to where he was thinking like a 16 year old. He would get lost if he walked out of our driveway (had to have police find and bring him home one time), had blank spots in his vision and when I would take him somewhere would ask constantly where we were at. Right after his strokes I took him off the insurance and since he had never driven the car we have (got it in 2006) I had the only keys and he did not/does not have access to them. When he starts talking about driving, I tell him that he is not on the insurance and if anything happened they would take me to jail for allowing him to drive. Now he does not ask.

To me it is just not worth taking the risk of him hurting or killing someone else or himself. I am almost 67 and if I continue to have tia's or when I forget what I did at an intersection or start getting lost in a familiar part of town my driving days will be over as I have strong pics in my head from photos and being at the scene of severe and deadly accidents.

I go to the eye doctor tomorrow to have my eyes checked. If I am told by my doctor it is time to not drive.... I am done and will start looking for alternative transportation. Definitely would save us about 200.00 a month and I will miss the freedom but not worth the risk.

Sorry, hope this gives a little different outlook on driving.

First, call mom's neurologist and have the MD make a dementia referral to the DMV for revocation of her driving privilege. And take the car and car keys to a secure location. 2. Mom sounds as though she needs are more secure environment, eg. no car keys, no handling of money, not living on her own, etc. 3. If mom has dementia, you must become the responsible adult. In this situation, mom needs supervision, love, and care. The most loving thing you can do for her is to make sure she is in a safe environment. And that the rest of us will be safe from her driving, wandering, fire in the kitchen or whatever harm she may engage in that potentially can harm others.

Contact the DMV in writing and let them know if your concern (I did this with my Dad and asked that they keep it anonymous). They will suspend her license and ask the doctor to fill out a medical review form. Hopefully your doctor is on the same page! It's very difficult, but necessary for her safety as well as others! Good luck!

Think best solution is one offered by freqflyer. Did same thing with my mother as she was getting lost frequently and not remembering her address. Kept telling her car in for repairs and parts hard to get etc. We drove her to appointments and took her out to shop and dine. Eventually, she forgot about car! Know car represents independence, but safer for her and others if she no longer drives.

Another example of a stubborn elder-- my late aunt, who lived in a senior living apartment and about 4 miles from my late mother's house, drove her car into her apartment building. Then, with her face bleeding, arrived at my mother's house. My mother asked her what had happened. My aunt's response= "Oh, nothing." Ahh---what do you mean NOTHING, you are bleeding from your head!

In Virginia where my sister (Alzheimer's) lives, I asked the local police to have her license taken away. They said they couldn't stop her unless she did something illegal. They said her doctor who gave her the diagnosis could send a form letter to the state and they would send a letter to my sister informing her that her license to drive was rescinded.

If I remember correctly, she was very unhappy and, finally, we went to see her doctor and he told her directly, why she couldn't drive anymore. I suggested that she give her car to the young woman who shops and cleans for her. That way she could ride in her car driven by her friend. Being the gracious person she is, she thought that was a wonderful idea and accepted the decision.

Update. After weeks of waiting, doc calls me and asks if I want him to write to DMV regarding mom's test and driving. Uhh. Yeah. He states the DMV (in Ohio) won't actually revoke her license. However, when she goes to renew her license they won't renew because they will have his letter on file. Luckily, her license expires next month. I have little faith the DMV would actually deny her renewal. More like I will have to object and tell them to look in her file. We'll see. Had to put a club on her car to keep her from driving. She refuses to go to senior center activities. Refuses to go on senior weekly shopping trip, yet wants us to shop daily for her.

Lose they keys. Tell her she no longer has insurance bc of all the accidents, so she can't drive. Show the pictures. Hide the car.
DISABLE the car. Say part on order. If she keeps asking, say we discussed this and it's a special part. It's on back order.
400 sounds like a rip off. Where did you take her for this test? The DMV doesn't charge that.

If mom has dementia, she needs to be evaluated to determine if she is capable of taking care of herself and finances. And if there is a deficiency in either category, she needs help. What do the caregivers at the continuing care community think? They most likely see her more than anyone else. I'm sure that they'll be happy to express their concerns and glad that you're bringing up the issue. (Unfortunately, they will have concerns. She has dementia). Does she need a higher level of care? Can she be left alone? As hard as it is to hear, her impairments are increasing. That's dementia. I'm sorry that this is her situation, but you care for her and want the best for her.

Older people see the car as more than transportation and many will fight to keep driving despite evidence of serious safety issues. One alternative is to make sure the car isn't drivable (pull the wires from her spark plugs) and let her have it as long as it doesn't cost her too much to keep it parked there. Have a plan for alternative transportation when she calls for help. If she is really that confused, she won't be able to call a mechanic to get it working again. You can also help her lose her keys...