My Mom has moderate dementia, do I tell her if one of her close friend's died or keep it to myself? - AgingCare.com

My Mom has moderate dementia, do I tell her if one of her close friend's died or keep it to myself?

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We were in the same spot with my mother, who was 97. Her lifelong friend died (actually two within a year) Her dementia was moderate, but she had reached the stage where she would obsess over some things, not over others. One thing about dementia is it causes many people to be completely self absorbed. We told Mom, first about one and a few months later about the other. She completely forgot about the first one, didn't seem to care at all after a few hours. The second one she talked about for a week or so, on and off, but was never upset about either of them. Very sad to see Mom so uncaring about people she knew for in one case 95 years, and in the other case 65 years. But that is what dementia does and maybe its a blessing that it didn't upset her much.
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You can tell her. If it is Dementia-she will not recall but you had told her & can LET IT GO.
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My dad did not have dementia, but while he was in the hospital for an amputation his brother (living in another country) passed away. I told him because I was afraid any well meaning family friend, would have expressed condolences during a hospital visit. This is one of the very few regrets I have in caring for dad for a period of about 3 years. It was very hurtful news.
If this friend is not part of her daily reality, there is no sense telling her of the passing. She may understand it and be hurt or she may not understand it.
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I agree with Countrymouse.

If you told her she's liable to obsess over it and drive you up the wall. Or she could forget 5 minutes later. Why take the chance?
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If it comes up, tell her the truth. If it doesn't, keep shtum.
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