Mom has dementia and refuses to move to a skilled nursing facility or allow me to hire an aide to help her. Where do we go from here?
OK, so my 97-year-old mother, who currently lives alone in senior housing one hour away from me with no services, was finally diagnosed with dementia (“Major Neurocognitive Disorder”). She is still in the hospital, but desperately wants to go back to her apartment. She refuses to allow me to hire an aide to come in to help, and she refuses to move to a skilled nursing facility... basically because she refuses to believe that she has dementia. She just “forgets names.” (She has no memory of going outside in the dark to frantically search for me because she hears me screaming or crying outside, or because she sees me laying in the street.) I cannot trust her to go home alone because she cannot be trusted to take her heart pills, never mind take her new risperdal which seems to be quieting the hallucinations. Before her hospitalization, I was driving down there every other day and it was taking a toll on my health. I cannot move down there with her and I cannot drive down there every day. Mom has always been a very controlling, bull-headed woman and it’s her way or the highway, and even though I have POA that does not give me the right to move her to a home or hire help against her wishes. I welcome thoughts and ideas from any of you who have dealt with this situation with a parent like mine. (Anyone who had a compliant, sweet parent ... that is not my mother. Anyone who has ‘tricked’ their mother by bringing a ‘friend’ to visit who ends up being the caretaker, my mother is too smart for that.) Thanks in advance.