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Mom lives with us at home. Us is her only two daughters and a son in law. We live in beautiful Hawaii. She is 93. She sundowns every day. We can’t understand her when she talks. She needs constant care and help from us and is immobile.Eating less every day. She has lost weight and is now 90 pounds. She try’s to get up out of bed and falls. When she is up and on afternoons when Sundowning she wants to leave and go to her home in Europe. She try’s to leave the house in her wheelchair using her feet to move. We don’t feel we can handle this any longer but do not want to place her in a memory care facility as she does not have enough money to get great care. We have heard too many bad stories about these facilities. But she is just not happy here later in the day. She is only happy when she first awakes and maybe a couple hours after that. She seems distant and more often very cruel to us not even acknowledging or care that we are her daughters. We are very stressed. Can it be time for hospice?

Ask her doctor about meds for tge sundowning.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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It is time for hospice. Call and ask for a consultation, but be aware that they do very little care. That will be up to you, and I suggest that you hire help because if you think it’s difficult now, it’s going to get much worse before this is over.

It’s too bad that you’ve closed your mind to memory care facilities. Unless you’ve visited them yourself, you really have no idea what they’re like. By refusing that level of care for mom, you may be depriving her of the best care possible as she leaves this world. I’m very sorry for your coming loss.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Do discuss with her doctor if she now qualifies for end of life care. Do know, however, that the extras this affords you in terms of help are minimal. You would get hospital equipment such as bedside commode, hospital bed, transferring devices, wheel chair if/when needed. You would get an aid twice or three times a week to spend about an hour with you giving a bath, assisting with shower. You would get RN visit once a week to examine and assess for medications needs, you would get medications as needed and a call from Social Worker and from Clergy. That's about it.

I fully understand that care in facility is tough to face; however the time may be approaching when your mom requires 24/7 care of several shifts of people working on her behalf. In home care may eventually not be sustainable for the family. I wish you best of luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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