What do I do with 86 yr old mother who has a caregiver from 10:00am to 10:00pm, cries all the time?

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My mother has a caregiver for 12 hrs a day, prior to this recent change it was me, with working a full time job and a family. After 3 years I had lost who I was, I myself became depressed and demanded with my sibling there needs to be a change. My Mom even prior to the caregiver has been nasty, cries and is confused. She is on depression and anxiety meds, but I truly don't think anything she's on will make a difference. She has been an unhappy person for a long time. She had a great life, good husband and kids, but to hear her story it was a horrible life and she blames us her kids for everything. I guess I need some suggestions on what to do, should she be in an Assisted Living, which I know she will refuse and hate, but if her health keeps going downhill she cannot afford 24 hr care. Please any suggestions would be much appreciated.

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Good for you! I am so glad that Mom has a hired caregiver and it isn't all on your shoulders.

Does the doctor who is monitoring the meds know the full situation? Or does she just go in, say "I'm doing fine," and the prescriptions are renewed? If you haven't already, talking to the doctor is in order.

I suggest that you start looking for ALF or NH facilities for her, because that seems to be the next step. If she needs constant supervision, assisted living might not be a higher enough care level. When the time comes it will be easier if you already have done the research, including how she will pay for this, than to be thrown into a panic situation.
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Congratulations on getting her a caregiver and preserving yourself! Now you know, like many of us who are fortunate enough to not be a hands on caregiver to a less than gracious parent.
She's miserable: that's her MO. Like a toddler who cries from belly button focus, it's how she manipulates. What do you want to do? You have already given 3+ years to try to improve her quality of life, and she doesn't appreciate it.
My opinion--which is strictly personal and by no means "advice", is that she needs spiritual awareness. If she had any, she would not act like she does.
If she is depressed, she needs to move her body. Maybe she has food allergies that are making her miserable. Try the Leaky Gut Diet for her. Remove allergens. She needs fresh air and good "talk therapy" every day. Ask her why she is so miserable. If she blames others--- hello.
You are a wonderful, caring daughter! I am so happy for you that you are getting a quasi-break. Lol. These are the toughest lessons of our lives. Blessings, xo
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