About 9 years ago, my mom had ovarian cancer, a knee replacement, and cervical laminectomy in quick succession. She and I have a fraught relationship (I was abused), but I have taken care of her for the last nine years--going to her house every other day to take care of everything and keep her company, since she is barely mobile--using a wheelchair except for brief trips to the bathroom or bedroom with her walker. She has alot of mobility problems, and falls often.
I've been struggling with a spiraling depression, and finally reached out to PACE Southeast Michigan to see if they could help me help her. It's an in-home nursing home diversion program. Mom does not want to go into a NH.
The day before Pace was scheduled to come out and do an assessment, mom fell and broke her femur just about where the artificial knee was built into the bone. Then in the hospital, they did some scans and thought she might have lung cancer. I found out today that she doesn't.
I'm struggling with what to do next. They are talking about discharging her from rehab in two weeks, but she can't sit up without help yet, or stand, or walk, etc.
Money is an issue. If we liquidate all her assets, aside from a modest house, she has enough for about 6 months in adult foster care or assisted living, or 3 months of in-home 24x7 care. Then we would be with nothing left and she would qualify for Medicaid NH.
I've reached out to an eldercare lawyer, who recommended a case worker ($750) who is planning to come out to talk with mom tomorrow. The nursing home also offers a discharge placement service that could help, but I am leaning toward the case worker, since I don't trust my judgement. I'm at the point that I pray for one of us to die in our sleep, and while my goal has been to outlive her by a week so I don't abandon her, I don't know if I can stay the course.
She still thinks she wants to go home. She seems to think she'd do better there, which is clearly impossible. She can't turn over in the bed by herself, let alone get a glass of water, change her diaper or ostomy bag, make a sandwich. I think she thinks I will move in and be her CNA, but I can't. I just can't. I'd die. Of course she would probably die of a broken heart in a Medicaid nursing home.
I'm looking for advice about caseworkers (worth the money?), and assisted living verses adult foster care, versus medicaid spend-down and a permanent placement. I just don't know, and it's just me. She's widowed, I never married, I have no siblings, and no friends. We're alone with this, and I don't know what to do.