Follow
Share

My mom moved in six months ago. We redid a living room for har so she could bring some of her furniture. The problem is she still has some boxes that she will not let me touch and unpack. She just wants them to sit in one spot and not be touched. I'm getting ready for Christmas and the boxes have to go . They are a pain to move when cleaning. Do I just move it? I tried that one day and she started screaming and crying hesterically. Her decision making is not there so she doesn't know what she wants to do.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Thanks so much for letting us know how you handled the boxes. So good that your mother had a chance to help her grandson. A win for all.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Only, your statement that your mom was told she has dementia and was very upset about it caught my eye. I suggest you leave this alone. No good will come from trying to convince her she has dementia. You may convince her today but you would have to remind her again tomorrow and go through this pain again and again. Just tell her what she wants to hear and move on.

Glad to hear you were able to resolve the boxes issue. Good luck to you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

97yroldmom: well I left the boxes through Christmas but yesterday we moved my son to his own apartment so guess what boxes I used to pack and my mom was glad to help out John because she is going to miss him. It was so simple. They are gone. I don't think she has even noticed their gone. Thanks everyone.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I like 97yearoldmom's response - Move it if you can. Camouflage it if you can't move it and paint it red if you can't camouflage it.
How big are these boxes? Maybe if you stacked them up and threw a tablecloth over them you could set some ornaments on top and make them useful instead of an eyesore.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Well thank you for your answers. I decided that I will leave them for now. I guess they bother me more than her. She needs more time to adjust and so do. My mom was told this evening she has dementia. She is really upset about this. Not a fun night and not one of my five siblings will call me for a little support or to just talk. So I am going through a great night tomight. The holidays would be overwhelming for her so it will be probably just us. None of them come to see her unless I need somebody to stay with her or they need money. Yes I am venting right now. Thanks for listening.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Having just gone through a major stripdown and cleanout of 3 rooms, I want to offer some reflection on how much more traumatic it was FOR ME, let alone for my father. I never expected to feel so disoriented, and this wasn't even my house.

I am glad though that I chose rooms which weren't in regular use. Still, the rapidity of the change left me reeling. To this day I can't remember what was there and if it legitimately should have been discarded.

I had a great contractor, understanding, sympathetic and very responsive. He even warned me this could be traumatic. And it was.

OnlyaCaregiver, I would cherish your mother's mental health at this time more than the Christmas decorations, and as 97YearOldMom says, decorate around it, making the boxes into presents as Dustien suggests.

Something a friend did for my father was very, very helpful. As he packed up things in boxes "for storage", he inventoried everything, printed out a list and taped it to each box. As Dad witnessed this process, he remembers where specific things are in specific boxes. And there's no sense of loss as there was with the more radical cleaning I hired to be done.

You have a challenge in what to do with these boxes. I can easily see a nice Christmas display, with a small tree, manger, and the storage boxes wrapped in lovely holiday paper. Make it a centerpiece of your holiday decorations.

Please let us know how you decide to handle this situation and how it works out. Decluttering is something many of us face, including for ourselves!

Going forward, I'm changing my approach completely. One section at a time, one small box to be packed at a time, all with soothing music in the background and stopped immediately if either of us become confused or stressed.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

These are all such great answers. There's a rule in decorating on how to handle an eyesore. It goes something like this, Move it if you can. Camaflouge it if you can't move it and paint it red if you can't camaflouge it. In other words embrace the boxes. Remember that moms condition will change as time goes by and the boxes will lose their importance for you and for her. Just be prepared that if you have a large family gathering it might be upsetting to her. All the confusion of a typical family gathering can be overwhelming. I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't have one, I'm just saying don't be surprised if the holidays are diffucult for her. It's so hard to know these things in advance as you've already discovered.
Let us know how you handle the boxes. Remember to breathe and find some joy in the season.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm sorry, it took me a long time to finish my response, and there is more information now. My response may not be applicable.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I don't know you or your family circumstances, but let me commiserate. Mom has been living with us for several years. Initially her bedroom was upstairs, as are the others. Earlier this year, she was moved downstairs to the Living Room, as she was becoming increasingly unable to navigate the stairs. She has since lost her ability to walk. Thank goodness we moved her when we did.

However, we have always entertained in the living room and placed our Christmas tree in there. Well, now it's Mom's room, so we will entertain in the family room. We have made a number of adjustments already, and will continue to do so as long as she is able to live here with us. I don't know that any of us knew exactly how all this was going to impact us.

Your Mom may have diminished decision making skills, but she still possess feelings apparently. If I were you, I would just try to work around her boxes. She has given up a lot, and the boxes represent something to her that we can't fully understand. Hopefully, you can find an approach to your dilemma that will make everyone happy. Good Luck!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Try that then...move them when she's sleeping and see if she notices them missing...just one at a time. It's often a game with dealing with dementia. If she does start to lose it, then try wrapping the boxes in Christmas Paper and put ribbons on them for Decor and leave them where they are a bit...if she doesn't complain, then slide them by the tree. Maybe she'll eventually forget about all of them eventually and you can do what you want with them.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It was more traumatic than we thought. We had no clue because it was what she wanted. But after she got here we saw more issues and she really declined. So those few. Ones were the last ones I did not get unpacked and I've never been able to get them unpacked. Where the boxes are she wants some decorations on a book case so maybe I can convince her to move them. I moved a box tonight and put it under a different chair and she wanted to know what was in that box like she never seen it before. We've gone through that box a million times before.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Was the move to your home traumatic for her? Perhaps she's still not adjusted to that and your moving the boxes reminds her of that trauma and unsettled time.

If it's too upsetting for her, maybe you can just throw some Christmas fabric over the boxes, set an artificial tree on it, and make it a Christmas decoration. Wrap up some small boxes and put them under the tree to create a holiday scene.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter