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Bitter when she thinks I am doing well at work, etc. She was misdiagnosed for years as bipolar, and some medication made her worse. There are days she is nice (but only to me and the dogs). Others she resents me. She used to get along with my husband - so to speak. He would smile and say good morning, and she would barely answer. Now she blatantly ignores him. My MIL visits and she does not acknowledge her, nor my stepdaughter. It is very embarrassing even though they seem to understand and accept the situation better than I do. Once I told her: "You ignore my husband in his own house", and all hell broke loose. She went on saying she knew she wasn't welcome, that everyone hates her, she stays in her room not to bother others with her vile presence, etc etc drama, crying, cursing, and what not. She sees wrong in everything and everyone. Sometimes she hears voices calling her names or threatening her - but she claims not to be afraid of them even though sometimes she wakes up with someone watching her closely (ghosts). I try to play along, but sometimes it is hard. I am her only connection to the world outside, and even if we could afford ALF, her doctor said it is not a good idea for the time being. She had lost so much weight that the doctor started exams to find out the underlying problem. One specialist was conclusive: she does not want to live anymore. She wouldn't eat - after this I made sure she did not leave a scrape of food left on the plate (kindly, though). She eats in her room, will not eat with us or interact in any other way.

I believe the reason she stopped talking to my husband is for some kind of fear or shame. One day a few months ago I could not take her to the doctor so he did. Since I was not there she broke down and cried to the doctor about how I abused her verbally and emotionally. He did not say a word, and thankfully her doctor is wiser than that. I knew about the whole thing but did not say anything either. A few days later she told me her version of the story, but confirmed to my face that I did abuse her.

Fact is I do not - period. I am tired of her, and I feel guilty about it. I want to live my life with my husband of two years, and live for myself as well. I gave up to many things (love included) because of her. I know she was molested as a child, abused by her family and husband. My sister hates her. Why am I to be blamed for her entire life?

I guess I've kept on rambling, but really, how to cope other than walk away from an argument and take a day or a few hours off?

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Soucisans, I can hear the eggshells that you are walking on in your house. Your mother has you in a very unfair position. It seems like everyone, including your mother, is not happy with the way things are right now. I've thought a little about it, but don't see an easy solution. I wish we were all rich, then it would be easier. Your mother might be happier in a place of her own. Is there someone -- a professional -- that you can consult to see what is available for her? She may qualify for assistance or money of some type. I have a feeling that everyone involved would be happier if she were in AL (or independent living with someone to check on her).
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Hang in there and know that you are doing the best you can do in a physically and emotionally draining situation . We as caregivers are special people who have given up a lot to take care of our elderly parent .
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If nobody has told you, you are a saint. My mom is no where as difficult as yours, but she has her moments. I learned when I was very young age to run a movie in my mind while handling unpleasant family situations....such as screaming matches. I mentally think about something else and detach....maybe this is or is not healthy, but it works for me.
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If she is a paranoid schizophrenic she will not be well-suited to Assisted Living, she will need a secure facility. Talk to the MD about suitable placement. You need to get on with your life and take care of your husband.
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