Mom has been referred to a Psychiatrist for some ongoing issues. Has anyone helped a loved one through this process? Can you guide me?

Mom has been seeing Psychiatrists for years. Recently she was diagnosed as having a Personality Disorder. I am her Guardian, and she seems bent on having me removed, accusing me of "abuse" and writing letters to judges, etc. I have been accompanying her to all her Doctor's visits over the last year and 3/4, and will be with her during a visit to her Psychiatrist appointment in three days. I am wondering what to expect.

Today's the day of Mom's appointment. I have some documentation to take along, including letters she's written from her own hand. She needs helps, and doesn't understand all the things I've done, and all the things I'm doing are for her benefit. Her complaints against me are not justified, except in her own mind. She is doing much better now, than when she was on her own, and refuses to credit anyone else for this. She is unable to care for herself, but doesn't see this. Because she is doing better, physically, she thinks the things I'm doing are an intrusion into her "perfect" world, and resents it. Mom has never been one to be thankful. I pray this Physician is fair and observant. I pray he sees her cognitive decline, and doesn't judge me as the enemy my mother wishes others to believe. I pray he doesn't "vote" against me as mom's Guardian, to "protect" her, with the idea of "what's in her best interests," just because she doesn't like the limitations that I've needed to administer to protect her from her own demise. This is a grievous situation, but nothing new. Mom has been the enemy of dad for years, who had to enforce things she didn't like. Now she sees me as an enemy, too. In fact, her two daughter were always seen as a threat to her "independence and happiness," if our needs conflicted with hers. So sad. And mom seems to be one of the few who don't understand it. Very sad, indeed. We covet your prayers today. The appointment is about two hours from now. Thank you.

I truly understand where you are standing today. I have worked in this field for 20 + years as a Director of Group Homes. I have had residents make those calls, write those letters and even went as far as having the Attorney General grace us with his presence. This was all to do with this residents family as guardian etc. Our loved ones can invoke so much hurt with said accusations and such. It does hurt deeply, and I believe our loved ones play with our guilt. Sometimes it may be better if you can find a reputable third party to take the role as guardian or even co-guardian and or a Case manager that can monitor her physical and mental health.There are agencies out there that do this. They seem to be more successful at times since there is no deep seeded emotional ties as they too are thrown some of these same accusations, etc. I do have confidence that these Doctors especially the Psychiatrists will see the truth in it all. Keep me posted if you will.Meanwhile my prayers are with you. Best wishes and God Bless!

Dear qtpie, thank you for your input and suggestions. Funny thing is, I have talked to several Guardians, and they say, "We get accused of abuse all the time." They offer differing opinions, but some similar to what you're saying. Concerning turn it over to another Guardian, the one told me, "You don't want to do that to your mother. You don't want a stranger in there." She said it's a good option when family is not involved.

I did go to the Psychiatrist with my Mom today. Actually I hired someone to drive her, and met them there. Mom didn't want me to go in with her, and refused to talk to him with me present. He did call me in afterward to talk to me. It was strange. He didn't agree with the referring doctor's diagnosis. He asked me some questions. It was weird. So he's got two stories, and a very manipulative mom. It said she could "keep coming for visits." Why? I asked him a few questions, myself, and was unimpressed. He didn't offer a diagnosis, prognosis, or anything tangible. Why in the world should I waste time and money for that? So he has a comfortable paycheck? I hate this process. Mom just wants to complain to someone about her life, and about me. Let her friends grab a clipboard. It's cheaper!

The momster is sucking the life out of anyone she can with her drama. We are so tired of hearing it! At least I didn't have to drive her there and back, or allow her to subject me to her nasty tirades, except in the waiting room. She's a not nice woman.

I asked if she had water (for the hour drive.) Mom is a chemo patient. She said she didn't need anything to drink. I told her it was a long ride back home, but she declined, saying she didn't have much money, and I wouldn't give her much. She's right about that, but it's for a very good reason. I slipped her Transport a couple dollars, and told her to tell mom it's "her" treat, and to please buy something for my mom. I think my mom would sacrifice herself if she could get someone to believe it was my fault.

I am so disappointed with this new Physician. Perhaps he's just checking us both out. I don't know. But if he believes her, the next thing you know, the authorities will be "checking me out." I guess I was hoping for something better from a professional. A strong leader would be helpful. Mom needs someone to call her on her games. I really do not believe this guy sees them. If so, he didn't reveal that to me. If others didn't agree, I'd feel like Chicken Little again. Thank God for those who know the truth, and encourage me to stand strong in the midst of mother's bitter spirit toward anyone who exposes her, and attacks them furiously. I know the truth, and will continue in my efforts to fight what she's trying so desperately to hide. If she could care for herself, things would be different; I'd just walk. But regardless of her animosity towards me, she's still my mother, and I'm not walking. So, anger, retaliation, or not, I'm hanging in to the end.

I logged on today to find out how today went for you. About as I expected it would. They listen. They listen. They listen. and then they listen. Eventually they will hear what they are trained to hear. She is not going to be able to keep up the face she has for new people and strangers for long. That requires energy. Eventually she will be comfortable enough for him to see the real her.
Take a deep breath and realize that you have done what has needed to be done. You have her where she needs to be, and give it time. And if the ladies at the appartment complex have her 'evil' daughter to bad mouth, consider yourself entertainment, and try to let it slide off. You are doing your best, now just don't try so hard. She has you on a short lead. Stop and sniff something-pleasant- and drag your heals a bit. Give her space. let he be... give her enough rope, as it were.
Sorry it wasn't as you had hoped it would be.

gvergrl, Thank you for your sweet words. I really needed to her the "give her space part," and to "give it time."

Meanwhile, I enjoyed a very beautiful day, alone. It was nice. Then I stopped to see an old friend. God is good.

Thanks for asking, and thanks for caring enough to follow through. You are a sweet heart. And I really do thank you. Bless you!

Secret....I am not too surprised to hear the outcome from the newest physician, but i do think you hit it on the button regarding him and further treatments/appointments.The thing is....I do feel it is our responsibility to care for our aging parents. There comes a time that only we can speak for them, and speak up for them and speak out for them. Unfortunate as it is it is not always easy, especially with the constant threats, negativity. I mentioned the guardian or co-guardian because of the success I have seen first hand. Although it is not always the answer. Possibly consider a "Case-Manager". being hired by the current guardian, they are the 3rd party.Their role is primarily to help arrange, monitor, recommend treatments in every fashion. They keep up on ones physical and mental conditions. Most of the time they know exactly just what to do and what physicians are better, etc. Most importantly their role is working for YOU. You hire them for what you want them to do.Working in my job for this amount of time I have seen both good and bad guardianships. A lot of the court appointed attorneys and family guardians do hire these case managers, most of them have extensive backgrounds in geriatrics, psychology etc., and have relationships with other professional in the medical and psych fields. They also most certainly have created relationships with others since they too are often victims of allegations of abuse. BUT...because of their positions it is much much easier to handle when all of the emotions are not tied in. I sincerely hope things take a turn for you and your family. Meanwhile you will be in my thoughts and prayers!

Thank you for your expert opinions and advice. I have done some hiring, but her income is limited. Trying to float an empty house elsewhere, and unable to list for sale at this time. I am also trying to keep her in a Senior Apartment, while paying two rents, phones, alarm system elsewhere, two insurances, medical transport, etc. It wouldn't be necessary is mom were willing to work with me, instead of against me.

I know she is trying to put the heat on me, to get it off her. My parents have done this for years, blaming their "children" for their shortcomings, to avoid detection for abuse, neglect, addictions, etc., while maintaining their social standing. I can tell mom is running her mouth to everyone in the apartment building she lives in. There are less than pleasant towards me lately. Because most are elderly, they are willing to believe something against "one of them" before objectivity. She is very manipulative, and lately is denying me access to her Physicians when she visits. Fear is predominate in all her actions. And she thinks I'm the enemy, becuase I am the only one willing to counter her lies.

Hiring a Care Manager costs money, of which she has little. So we have to find another solution. As yet, I have not found a Physician who is willing to take a stand.