I live 5 1/2 hours away from her. I am an only child of only children, so no family or siblings. Has isolated herself completely, so no friends or family there. Daddy passed 10 years ago. She needs to move out to assisted living (memory care?) - high fall risk, not eating well but still (barely) able to do all ADL's, clinically depressed, but she won't consider it. Still driving (yikes!).
We cannot move there. Asked her to move to assisted living or here with us or to another residence here where we are - won't consider it. Doctor won't meet with me - HIPAA rules. I only found out about dementia diagnosis through someone in the medical records department who told me by accident (??)
We are at stalemate. I'm at my wits end. Would welcome any ideas or experience you may have in getting a loved one to move.
I think you are going to need to arrange a way to spend time with Mom now so you can know what you need to do. If you see that she is unable to care for herself you will need to contact an Elder Law Attorney where she is to find out next steps. So it is clearly time for family leave if you are working, or to go there if you are not. Wishing you luck and hoping you will update us as you go. This cannot be an unusual situation for many to face down in the future.
Until you work out a more permanent solution, would she be willing to wear an alert necklace? Would she remember to keep it on? Or, can you enlist one of her neighbors to do a daily check on her on some pretense? I did this when my in-laws were falling apart and resistant to help/very forgetful. The neighbors' and friends' participation was very helpful. You may need to take time off to spend a few days there (even if you don't stay with your mom but you will need to more closely assess what's going on).
As for driving, you can go online to her state's DMV and make an anonymous report of her as a danger on the road. They will probably send her a letter requesting she retake the eye or driving test. Will she pass either? Or, disable her vehicle and make her think it needs to be towed to the shop. I realize she is easily agitated but try to avoid anything that sets her off so that you can maybe make some headway with her. Many on this forum can absolutely relate to your situation. It sucks. Good luck!