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Everything she complains about. From the food (which is pretty tasty) to transportation (the bus is too bumpy) to the people there. Everyone has been nice to try to please her. but she is very rigid and change sends her in to an anxiety induced fit. She tells half truth. For example, she said no one came to change her linens. When in fact the AL called me first and told me they attempted to changed the linens but she refused to let them help her. Or no one ever does anything for her, when she turns away help. It's to the point where people are starting to get fed up with her. She's been snappy and rude all of her life to people and now others are not putting up with it. She gets upset with me when I try to clarify things for her...she said I'M THE ONE WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. She'll say I don't love her anymore and start to cry. Several doctors says that she doesn't not have dementia. I've tried to overlook her behavior, be kind because she is my mother, but I'm to the point where I simply want to walk away. Any words of hope?

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Is there a geriatric psychiatrist who is affiliated with her AL? We had success with mom being treated by the geri psych who simply paid visits to the residents in their rooms. Complete privacy. Just a thought.
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Your profile says that your mother has depression; is that being treated? Is her doctor aware of how she turns away assistance, about how miserable she is and how she seems to misinterpret situations? Sometimes those are symptoms of what they call Mild Cognitive Decline, which can be subtle. My mom wasn't mean, but she misinterpreted things, was highly critical of people who used walkers and didn't stand up straight; people who didn't talk loud enough (I kept pointing out that they were stroke vicitms, to no avail). At some point, whether due to TIAs or whatever, reasoning abilities and the ability to hear and take in explanations went out the window. Her own doctor thought she was "fine". The geriatric neurologist who ordered neuropsych testing told us a much different story.
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Thank you for your responses. My mother has been in the same AL for 2.5 years. She's been depressed for years. She is being treated for depression by the general practice doctor and the doctors have referred her to see a therapist, which she refused. I've taken her to 2 different therapist. One she refused to stay long enough to talk to, the second (specializing in geriatric psychology) she saw twice and refused to go back.
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LadyBelle, I think that some people just enjoy being difficult. She probably knows that she can get a response out of you, so she complains. She makes you miserable, but for her it is life as usual. Someone once told me that some people would complain about the taxes if they won the lottery. She is where she needs to be and you are trying to get her the medical help that she needs. Beyond that, there is little you can do. In most cases, you cannot control what another person does, you can only control your reaction. Try not to worry.
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Have you ever heard the term "Even bad attention is better than getting no attention at all." I worked at an assisted living for 10 years and I've seen your mom many times. Never happy unless complaining. Call her bluff. When she says they never change her sheets, counter back with "I know they offered to do it. If you want to sleep on dirty linens, ok." With each complaint, counter with "I hate to hear that." Or "That's too bad" Then change the subject. You could always say "Mom, if all you are going to do is complain, I need to go." You say this has been going on for years. Stop being her audience. Enough already.
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vstefans i almost choked on my tea phew just missed the computer! "depressed people see the world true sh*t coloured glasses" you cheered me up!!! LOL
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Talk to staff and see if they're seeing something different. It turned out that my mom was complaining to my sister and I, but the staff said she was going on outings, chatting, had a routine. They came right out and told me she was working me. So I started dropping in and watching her, as she was chatting and smiling. We started responded as rocknrobin suggested and also mentioned that her constant complaining would affect how much other family members called her on the phone.
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She is depressed. Depressed people see the world through sh**t-colored glasses. Get her meds adjusted or changed, avoid reinforcing the negative statements with a lot of attention, and maybe the vicious cycle can be broken
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sorry am still laughing!!!!!!!!!
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kazzaa, we give low dose SSRI for post traumatic stress and it usually works - much less than full antidepressant dose - who now, you might have suffered a little less. :-)

but hey you got over it anyways, and that's great
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