Suddenly my mom has an aversion to my husband. How can I make this better? -

Suddenly my mom has an aversion to my husband. How can I make this better?


My mother has loved my husband for all of our 22 years of marriage. All of a sudden, she has an aversion to him and says he's nasty and ugly and kick him out of the house and send him back to Japan (he worked there last year). She won't talk to him and becomes very anxious when I say I have to leave her here with him. My husband understands it is the dementia talking not her, and he says we will do what we need to do and she will just have to adapt to my being gone for a few hours from time to time. Any ideas out there about making this better? We know there is no longer any logic or reasoning with her, but this does NOT help the situation at all. I am already at my wit's end most of the time. Thanks in advance, folks.

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If it's any comfort, this stage should pass as her dementia progresses. Of course other issues will follow.
It's possible that your husband reminds your mother of someone she didn't like many years back. Since your husband was gone awhile, she may have "switched" his identity and this other person in her mind.
With most types of dementia, short-term memory is an issue, while long-term remains fairly much in tact so this other person is not in the forefront.
I know explanations aren't that helpful to you. It's hard to live with this no matter how much you understand. However, there's not really a lot you can do except limit the time she has with your husband. He sounds very understanding which is huge bonus for you, as many spouses aren't as supportive.
Good luck to you. I hope someone on the forum has other ideas because I know this has to be nerve wracking!
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((((hugs)))) - must be tough. I have no experience with this but am wondering if your husband did some especially nice things for your mother she would see him in a different light. I know she has alz, so logic does not prevail, but kindness may help. Kudos to him for being understanding and supportive.
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