She curses and calls names if i try to get her to take one. this includes when she has had a bowel movement in her pants.

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My mom went three years without a decent shower. Mom LOVED baths - always - thank goodness we had a second bathroom in our house growing up cause she would be in there every night for at least two hours! In my parents IL apartment there were two bathrooms, one with a tub so the baths continued until she was she was 85. When dad died she wanted to move to a smaller apartment. Neither of us realizing the 1 bedroom apartments only had showers. Had I known she would not take a shower I would have never let her move! I didn't realize she wasn't showering for quite a while - amazingly she never looked or smelled dirty. Once I figured it out and tried to talk to her about it - it hit the fan! And with my mom, the harder you push, the deeper she digs in. She had in home help 3x a week but still wouldn't do it. She once kicked out a home health nurse for bring up the subject. I tried EVERYTHING to make it happen but the most I could get her to do was a bird bath (love that term!). In AL they would give once a week showers, which she often would refuse to do. Now where she living she gets a shower 2x a week - and thank God they won't take "no" for an answer. I now realize her not showering wasn't so much about preferring baths as it was about the onset of dementia. I was so mortified, horrified and embarrassed by her not taking showers - and then her reaction if the subject was broached that after awhile I just let it go. You could have knocked me over with a feather when, after discovering this site, I saw how common the problem is with the elderly. Maggie and GardenArtist both have excellent suggestion so armed with their advice you may have better luck than I did. Best wishes!
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There are a number of posts here on that same issue, raising issues of mobility, safety, being cold, and more.

I still feel that rather than argue with someone, find a way to compromise so neither of you end up fighting. Get the shampoos and soaps that don't have to be rinsed off, as are used in the hospitals. The cleaning up can be done one body part at a time and there's no issue of immersion or getting cold or having an electrical appliance in the bathroom where it's especially dangerous.

Here are some other hits for threads on a parent who won't shower. Some of the threads are hits in both searches, but there's plenty to read from others who've had to deal with this issue.
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My mom HATED showers. I think, really, that some elderly find the prickly sensation painful, not to mention getting really chilled before and after.

I quit trying with mom. I had an aid come in once a week to give her a bird bath. Cracked the furnace, bought her an awesomely soft furry robe and slippers. The aid's bird bath kit included two huge towels, two soft wash clothes, Carress soap, Johnson's Baby Shampoo, high end cream rinse, and Johnson's Baby Powder. She hot do she didn't mind her bird baths at all. The aid was here about 45 minutes. Cost $30 cash each visit.

I'm reading between the lines that she is capable of taking her own showers? If so, set up all those things for her and before you try to get her in the bathroom, close the door, crank the heat and get it warm and cozy.

Make sure she feels safe. Ask an occupational therapist where hand rails need to be installed...usually two to get into the shower and one 3 ft or longer one inside on an angle.

Or maybe just see if she'll give herself a birdbath.

Hope something here helps. Others should be replying. Kind of slow today.
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