Mom has Alzheimer’s (86) and is very demanding. She was always demanding when she was well and it continues on. I try and do everything she asks, but I’m getting burned out. She wants me there everyday, but due to my disability (Lupus) I cannot. I am usually there every other day, plus take her to all her appointments (Doctor, lab work, hair appointments, nails/pedicure). My husband sees her everyday and also goes with me to her appointments. I cannot get her in and out of car by myself. She cannot remember a lot, until it comes to her hair and other personal appointments. She’s always taken good care of herself and is very vain.

As soon as we get one appointment done she continues to ask to have the same things done over and over.

I have a brother who does not do a thing for my Mom. She was placed in a Board and Care in January (after a 10 day stay in the Hospital) and he told me he doesn’t need to see her.

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Agreed - you have to care for yourself. I have CFS/FM which limits what I can do, and I had little guilt in not visiting much (mother passed last December). I had POA medical and financial, and live at a distance and I could only do what I could do. She was well cared for in good facilities. You have to look after your own health. Mother was narcissistic too so she was never pleased or happy. That could not be my problem. Nothing you do will ever be enough for her, so do what you decide is right - for her and for you. Separate the needs from the whims. The whims are optional.
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Reply to golden23

Thank you so very much!! I really needed to hear this.
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Reply to vwalker33

You need to find other ways to get Mom where she needs to go. Is she on Medicaid? They have transportation. Does she really need to go to the doctors so often? Can her hair dresser come to her. My GF does this.

I think seeing her everyday is not good. I think your DH should explain that with Lupus you just cannot be at her beck and call. Maybe coming from him she would be more excepted. Give ur DH a hug for me. He is a rare one.
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Reply to JoAnn29

None of this is your fault. Maybe you feel guilty because your mother has always demanded attention or obedience from you? These things get so ingrained from childhood that we don’t realize why we act that way. It becomes automatic.

People like her are what’s called Narcissists. And they do not change, Alzheimers or no.

Lupus is no joke! You HAVE to take care of yourself and health. There is no other option!
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Reply to LoopyLoo

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