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She is 92 and still very smart, but it's mixed with massive confusion and upset and forgetfulness. When I put in new help she handles it poorly, runs into the street in the middle of the night or tries to lock them out during the day. She is very stubborn and I've had to keep changing people, but I can't anymore. Any advice? We live in different states and I haven't been able to visit due to Covid but she's always acted like this with new people. Even when I was down there to ease them in. Please help as this is making me beyond upset. Thank you.

If mom is inHer HOME... and you have a staff working for her... DARN WELL MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE CORRECT INSURANCE FOR THESE WORKERS.
SERIOUSLY.
I had a friend.. who lost everything.. She moved into the facility due to that. That is how I met her.. What a wonderful person she was.. Selfishly... if that did not happen to her, where she lost everything,.. yes, everything.... (like job)... I would not have met her... Her family asked me to speak at her funeral.. (i'm not good at this, so I had Cathy "give me the sign if I was going off course". The next person up to say his peace.. went off course.. The Rabi took notice, and guided him".. I think when I was asked to speak, I told the Rabi and Cathy to guide me if I started too talk to long... Rabi, I feel will use this tactic when needed. He did not hesitate...

HOW HONORED I WAS TO BE ASKED TO SPEAK AT HER FUNERAL...

Edith, I love you, and I miss you, I am so glad you came into our lives... You are the LIGHT !
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Reply to MAYDAY
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So, now the other question is: Is she really living at home? and the home is in her name, and if you sell now, taxes etc, might be an issue? Use the funds from the sale of the house to fund her living expenses...
Once yo move her closer and you can keep track on her, your stress should be lessened.
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Are you the only one who is responsible for her health, care giving? Are you the only child left on this planet to help mom?
If so, MOVE HER CLOSE TO YOU... START FINDING FACILITIES WITHIN A 5 - 10 mile range. Get her medical records in order and find a place close to you tomorrow.
After that, start step 2 of this plan...
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I don’t see how you can continue to manage this. It sounds like your mom needs the benefit of an entire staff at a facility to look after her.

Not everyone can remain at home. Does she have money to pay for memory care at an assisted living facility? If not, she can apply for Medicaid and she can enter a nursing home.

I know that you live in another state but is it possible to take time off to look at facilities for her?

Some people move their parents near their homes. Is this a feasible option. Do you have suitable facilities in your area and mom where mom could relocate? Would traveling be a problem for her?

Caring for the elderly is can become challenging. I’m so sorry that you are in this situation. Best wishes to you.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Is your mom living alone other than the caregivers?
It might be time to think about Memory Care Facility.
With a facility she will get used to the same people morning, noon and night., Yes they have shifts but she will see the same people at pretty much the same time every day. (at least she can not lock them out or run into the street)
Yes it will be difficult for her, and for you. Chances are she will decline after a move but she will be cared for and most important she will be safe.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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I think you have to accept the fact that your mother has advanced dementia; being 'smart' and 'intelligent' has nothing to do with a brain disorder. Running into the street in the middle of the night is an action that will likely get her killed or badly hurt. I cared for a gentleman with advanced Alzheimer's who's daughter insisted his 'intelligence' would prevent him from needing placement, and that he'd be fine staying at home. Well, he wandered outside in the middle of the night one night, fell and hit his head, got a subdural hematoma and died the following day in the hospital.

You are living in another state and unable to keep tabs on your mother. She needs to go into a Memory Care residence so she can stay safe and be cared for by qualified people who work in shifts 24/7 each day to ensure that safety. It will also give YOU peace of mind knowing that she's safe, and that you don't have to wear yourself out looking for new care givers that she will lock out of the house and try to run away from.

Dementia is nothing to fool around with. It can go south VERY quickly and devolve into a crisis situation and then you will have no choice but to clean up a mess. Better to ward OFF the mess than to wait till it happens.

Wishing you the best of luck with a tough situation. My own mother will be 94 soon and lives in a great Memory Care ALF where she's beautifully cared for, by the way. It's a relief for ME to know she's safe.
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