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My mother has been with me a year. Her ability to walk has been gone for almost two years. She does not like to exercise and has been sleeping a lot. Recently she had a significant decline in coordination and inability to comprehend.she now needs help eating therefore her food intake has declined.She is 90 yrs old and has acquired parkinsons among many other ailments. if she wakes up on her own she starts out better than if i wake her. this has made our medication times vary, but remain in sequence. Am i being neglectful letting her be??

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It sounds like you're already doing your best. People with Parkinson's can usually function very well until they reach the stage they no longer can function on their own.

I used to know someone with Parkinson's, and in the end she died of a severe infection because her urine was very dark. Just like you described, my friend lost her ability to walk as well. She was in a nursing home and used a geriatric chair. Nurses had to use a special patient transfer sling to transfer her between her bed and chair. The transfer was a long one because she was pretty heavy at the time, so this took them much longer to transfer her.
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You're certainly not neglecting her . You are to be admired , as in anyone who keeps a parent in their home!! You do what you can to keep her healthy and happy but above all , take care of yourself and get out and do what makes you smile . moanddo
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You are doing a great job. Don't second guess yourself on this. I'm caring for my 87 year old mom and she would sleep all day if Inlet her, although I let her sleep until 11 am most days and encourage daily napping. It helps with the medicine schedule too and ensures me thy she is getting enough to eat and drink to stay hydrated during the day. Everything at this age is a delicate balance. Making some allowances for sleep and food is necessary so your loved one doesn't feel deprived, yet you can keep them on a schedule that is bet suited for them. My mom is on a salt restricted diet so I do not put any table salt on her food. Her meals are low sodium. Occasionally I will let her have something salty like a steamed crab or two. But I never let her have the salt shaker. Keep up what you are doing allowing her to enjoy and have quality time of her life.
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We've all been down the road of caregiving, which is a not-so-pretty job. Do what you can, but don't jump through hoops!
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At this point in time, there is nothing you can do that will stop the progression of her illnesses, and don't beat yourself up over it. Just let her do what she can do, and love her for the time she has remaining. Merry Christmas!
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NO neglect and its not your fault. You will just have to adjust to her decline thats all. My Mom slowly stopped walking when she was 88, a year after a cerebrel hemmorage stroke. We got to the point we followed her with a wheelchair as she was so stubborn she had to walk but didnt realize her limits. Here we are, she is 94, I have a hoyer lift, she doesnt walk or talk and I am feeding her now as I write this, all pureed of course..She still laughs, what more can I do, doing my best, thats all we can all do, adjust through the stages for their needs. Hang in there!
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It most likelyis that you are NOT neglecting your mom. Step back and make sure that you are not neglecting YOU. We can get caught up in what we are doing and forget to care for ourselves. Ditto on the other responses.
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Just hugs to all of you. Not at this point yet with my mother, but have the same concerns (and thought, careisgiving) and the compassion in your responses is so touching. No wonder you are care givers! Thank you!
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My mother is 73 - but has the body of a 85 year-old; she's lost her mobility; she can't feed herself; she has severe urinary incontinence; her speech is impaired due to long-term effect of stroke; she just wants to sleep all day long. I don't even try to get her out of the house anymore because she is resistant and just want to stay home. She has no quality of life. I go to bed every night hoping she'll die in her sleep because she can't participate in life anymore and it's so painfully difficult for me to watch. It's not easy seeing a parent decline...
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This post is almost as close to my experience, except for the Parkinson's part. It's so wonderful when people can keep their parents at home. My mother sleeps a lot also, does not like to exercise, and has a difficult time processing information. I try to get her to walk in the mall. However she needs lots of breaks and has a difficult time seeing which takes away her enjoyment. My mother has a good appetite and wants to sleep after, so I let her. Declining is a natural progression in old age. We do the best we can to make our parents comfortable. Don't fault yourself for your mother's decline. It's her natural progression. Just appreciate the time you have with her, knowing that you are doing your best:)
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Everyone who replied has said it best. I just lost my mom last week and these replies helped me today. My offering is for you is to read this thread often to remind yourself that you are doing a good job, and please do not judge youself .
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You are not to blame for her decline in health. I went through the exact c same thing with my mom on October. Suddenly she loss her appetite and I had to feed her every meal a week later she died from a GI Bleed. My mom was 86. It's just the end stage I'm afraid. Nite is the time to hold her and tell her you love her as much as you can. Good bless you and your mom.
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Yes I would agree with all of the Caregivers 5thonlygirl You are doing a wonderful job caring for your Mom. Parkinson's is taking its coarse, best to allow your Mom sleep.
HotardTe Your post is a beautiful tribute to Your Dad, and defines Who You are. The reason Your Dad Lived to such a wonderful age is because He knew You Loved Him so much.
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You are doing wonderful. We often feel helpless as our elderly loved ones start to decline and we want to be able to do more to make them better, however we cannot. We can just love them and let them know they are loved and do the most to make them content and comfortable and you are doing all of that
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You are doing an amazing job...and i appreciated the three responses before mine.
My dad just passed away at at 97. I wish he would have slept more too,but he felt he would never wake up , so he fought sleep . He was my best friend, and at times we would argue, but we never stopped loving each other...i look back and second guess decisions i made, but in the end God quietly took him ...i just want to hug all the elderly people i see now, and their family members that love them so.
Let her sleep and keep in close contact with her doctor. They need at the end youe patience, feeling needed and loved, and knowing they are safe. THey are both stubborn and sweet toddlers with a head full of memories to share. You know your mother best and how blessed she is to have you.
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Traveling this path with a person who is elderly, you see things and deal with things that you never even knew existed. You do what you think is best initially, rethink your actions, test conditions a little to learn more about the issue, and discuss with a medical person. You do this over and over dozens of times. Everything along the path is new to you, tests you. I wish there was a clear roadmap for aging, but I learned that my mother's journey is a unique one, and varies from the quick assumptions that some medical people make. I know her best. I explain her to the medical folks and hope that we get one that has seen us before and that knows that I am her very good agent and listens to me right off rather than taking the slow way around to learning that I am correct in my explanation of Mom's responses and they are playing too much by the book. None of this answers your stated question. What is does is tells you that you are an explorer in this period of your mother's life, and that you know the terrain better than anybody. I hope that you have a good mutually-trusting relationship with her doctor and can usefully discuss this question to that person. You are doing what nobody else possibly can do for your Mother because you are the person who knows her best.
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Old age is a terrible curse, I'm sure no one would disagree with that. My dad who is 85 continually is getting into trouble and we wish he would sleep all day. He has almost set the house on fire, he gets on his computer and orders ridiculous, expensive things all day long, which I am constantly returning by mail or to the stores. He sets off the house alarm and never hears it. He collects guns and can't buy enough of them. He argues and fights all day long with my 81 year old mother, who argues and fights with him. It's a zoo over at their house and my husband and I just shake our heads and know it is going to get crazier and crazier over there. They ought to be in an assisted living facility but they are both control freaks and neither can be told what to do. Both expect the other to take care of them, neither can barely walk, both have bad nutrition and rarely let us cook for them. We compare them to Frank and Estelle, the parents of George, on Seinfeld, only add 20 years to each one. If you think you have a tough time, come on over to our place!
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You are doing a wonderful job. Parkinson's is taking it's toll. Let her sleep and eat as she pleases.
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