My Mother had Alzhiemers/ Dementia for 6 yrs. and was in a nursing home. Her last year she was bedridden and sometimes sat in a gerry chair. She hollered or screamed most words for the whole 6 yrs. The last year she couldn't feed herself or even take a sip of water without help, her hands were closed and she couldn't open them. I went to the nursing home at least once a day but usually 3 or more times a day and would stay for hours or longer sometimes. I was definately hands on constantly as I only lived about 3 blocks from the nursing home. I had hopice for her the last 6 months. I would cook food when she wouldn't eat their food, bathed her , and took care of her needs when I was there. She couldn't talk very well and would scream most words, she always knew who I was. The last month I had to go out of town (my daughter was ill ) and was planning on being gone about 3 weeks which I was very nervous about doing because I had never left her for more than a few days at a time. The day I left I kissed Mom and told her I was bringing back her Great Granddaughter to see her in a few weeks.....she smiled and tryed to give me a kiss on the cheek. I went out the door and for some reason I went back to the doorway and blew her a kiss and she blew one back at me. I was gone 2 weeks. On a friday hospice called and the nurses from the nursing home and said Mom was doing great....smiling and watching t.v. Three days later on Tuesday morning they said I needed to hurry back, which I did. I couldn't believe the state of my Mother's condition!! She was like comatoes......staring straight ahead and no reaction. When I got there I told her I was there and she did barely grunt so I knew she knew I was there with her. It was devastating!!! No one could tell me what happened!!! I think she just quit eating and drinking. I know the aides didn't think to give her drinks unless it was with a meal and some , not all because she did have a few good aides, would walk out if she refused to drink. They all said she was fine on Sunday, so what happened that quickly??!! I blame myself even though everyone says it was for the best. I know Mom wouldn't have wanted to live the way she was....it was horrible....but if I wouldn't have left her I think she would still be here. I have so many guilt feelings and not knowing what happened makes it so much harder. Did she just think I deserted her? or Did she feel unloved because I wasn't there to take and make sure she got the care she needed? Did they not even try to feed or give her something to drink? or did she even realize I was gone? So many questions and no one has any answers! The guilt is horrible!! If I didn't have to go take care of my daughter and stayed with Mom would things have turned out different? My daughter lives 14 hrs away. It would so help to have some answers. I have heard it all from friends and family......" you were a good daughter and was there and gave 100% to your Mom," "It was meant to be and she suffered enough" " She's in God's hands now" Yes, I heard it all and I know everyone means well but yet it still doesn't help the questions and guilt. Hopice, the nurses and aides said they didn't know what happened and they were shocked also. I guess I'll never know what happened and I do know that time heals the grief but time won't heal the wondering what happened. I had a son that died 20 yrs. ago so I do know about grief. He died of leukemia. Mom died May 28th, 2014 so it's only been 4 months and I loved her very much....She was a wonderful person and Mother. Has anyone else on here had a loved one with Dementia, that still knew everyone, die suddenly? I thought at the end that they didn't know anyone. My hope is that maybe someone out there has some answers The only other thing wrong with Mom was she had very high blood pressure which they had a hard time controlling with meds but she didn't have any apperance of having a stroke at the end.