My mother is 82, and has major co-morbidities: 4 heart attacks, 7 stents, 3 kinds of arthritis, diabetes with foot neuropathy and has been on pain meds for over 30 years (stadal, oxie, fentenal, etc.) She had a replacement of a 27 year old hip device on Tuesday, Friday she was released and I moved her directly to a rehab center - a very well respected center, in an upscale area, no Covid. She is in a "yellow ward" for 14 days, no visitors due to Covid protection, they are doing a great job with their protocols and I respect them for that. After 14 days she goes home if improved enough, or then moves to "green" where she can be with other residents. She will have help and PT the entire time in the rehab center. My brother and I area NOT caregivers. We both run firms and many people and families count on us for their livelihood. I can take time off to help, here and there but I can't step away long term, and I honestly do not want to as this is my life's work (but I am not super wealthy, just trying to save for my own retirement some day.) Mom gets that, but she is a constant complainer and narcissist's, so I do not know what to believe about the place when she calls wanting to go home and who will take care of her at her home (an hour+ away from myself and my brother.) She has spent most of her money on knickknacks and home improvements (house looks like a museum), so not much left for care and will probably run out of savings in 3 years. I do not know how to hire a caregiver, but she would need someone about 12-15 hours a day, or in shifts. I don't know how to lift her properly. Heck, I can't lift her! I am taking care of her little dog (even though I have allergies and am not a dog person.) I am sorry, but I think the Commandment of Honor your Mother and Father was not written when people lived well into their 80s and 90s. I do honor, but I am not a nurse. What do I do next?
Do not use your money to pay for her expenses. You will need that for your own retirement. Sure, a gallon of milk, but not real money!
Talk to the rehab facility for help on a discharge plan.
You can hire aids thru an agency. Lets say the cost would be $20 an hour x 168 hrs a week x 1 month = approx 13k a month. Can she afford that? At 15 hrs a day its 8400 a month. Thats at $20 an hour maybe more where u live. Then its will the aides show up for work. Will the agency send another one. Will Mom even like them in her home?
Private pay can be a nightmare. You would need to be in top of it. Aides are not self-employed. You are their employer and as such need to deduct taxes and SS and matching that.
For me personally, placing Mom would be the best thing with all her problems and you not being able to oversee everything.