And she is just sad and disinterested. I have moved in with her. I make an effort to cheerful and encouraging. I am at a loss to know how to get her out of her funk. Makes me sad. Help
HELP my mum 78 had a stroke 2 weeks ago. She is completely mobile but its effected her speech and she is vey confused. She is still in hospital. She has been very distressed and cried for days at the beginning, like she knew what had happened. Sometimes i thi k she does know. Sometimes her sentances are normal and then she goes off on one, i dont understand. At the moment it feels like shes given up and she keeps saying its no good its no good. The worst thing is that the occupational therapist seems to have given up even though she has only seen her twice in the 2 weeks she has been there! I feel she hasnt spent enough time wih her. My mum was such a caring, loving, funny person before this and now she is angry and not being nice but I thought these people were trained for this. We have been told therapy or rehab is no good for her! What does this actually mean?
Give it time. Three months isn't long. I agree about watching out for depression, too. Keep encouraging your mother and offering her help to do things, but don't push too hard - fatigue is also a common after-effect of stroke.
If it helps, my mother's mood only really started to lift this spring, just over a year after she'd had two small strokes, then started a very low dose SSRI, followed by a wrist fracture, followed by vascular dementia diagnosis and then a possible Alzheimer's diagnosis just before Christmas. It's been very hard going, but… she's done well.
You just have to do your best to be realistic and accepting of whatever comes along, without giving up hope altogether. I hope the sun comes out for you again as it has done for us, at last, for now, kind of. Best of luck.
Thank you for the honesty. Relatives often think they can "fix" their loved one. Sometimes that just isn't true. But you offer encouragement while being realistic. Sometimes that's all we can offer in a situation like this. Hugs and blessings to you Gigi11.
Very normal to be depressed after this! my friends mum had a triple bypass and suffered a stroke during the op she came out in Oct and only started going out again now since march SO give her time they do get depressed after something like this i even got very depressed and wouldnt go out after i hit my head. She probably feels scared alone now which is natural but she will recover. my mum had a seizure lucky i was here when it happened i thought she would never go outside again but she did a few months later give her time in the meantime go with her and encourage her dont worry i never thought my mum would recover and she did its fear and depression when anything happens the brain it can cause depression!
Any time someone has a serious medical condition, be it a stroke, heart attack, cancer, war injury, etc. we need to find a new *normal* way of life and it is not easy.
It's taken me 4 years to finally accept my new normal, and it was quite a struggle after having breast cancer. My Dad is still trying to find a new normal after 5 years after having a heart attack... he had to stop driving and he hates that.
I agree that your Mom should be evaluated for depression, if she hash;t already been. I can't tell by your note to what extent your Mom is not functioning. However, in nursing, we would use the positive approach. For example, put her meal in front of her, put a spoon in her hand and encourage her to eat. Or in the shower give her a wash cloth and encourage her to wash her face while you wash her back. Praise her for any small efforts. Let her know how much her small efforts help you. It doesn't always work, but is always worth a try. It doesn't always work at first, but it gives her an idea of your expectations.
My MIL was depressed but did not want to be a burden. Even got to the point that she could fold my clean clothes while she sat up, which was a big help.
My Mom is 91 and now living with us so I see her every moment that she is awake. What she used to enjoy and what she now enjoys is different . What she used to do and what she now does is different. How she used to react to various situations and how she now acts is different. I think these changes are due to a number of aging-related limitations she has had to deal with. Dementia is a major factor, but hearing loss and immobility issues are also huge. She has stated many times that she is ready to die and almost "looking forward to the next chapter of her existence" ! It certainly isn't how I feel about my life , but then I'm not 91 and I don't have to deal with her medical issues. We all want our parents to be happy and look forward to each new day but sometimes I think we need to respect their right to say "ENOUGH ! I'm ready to go" and love them enough to not tell them they are wrong and should be and think like we do.
My mother hasn't had a stroke but at one point she was just like your father. It is the will to live act. They know the shape that they are in and it hard to give up and give in. What's really going on is that they have lost their independence in everything else and fill that that the only thing they have as a right to do and no one can take it away. And yes He is depressed but He not going to tell you right off the bat. It took my mother a while to open up, and while I was waiting and doing everything bending over backward to make my mother happy she didn't acknowledge that she was truly thankful for what I was doing. I came to the end of my rope and I begin to pray to God about it and I actually said Lord if you don't do something I don't know how much more I can take it was hurting me more than my mother. I began to fill disgusted and was ready to give up myself. But let share a secret with you really it's not but here goes anyway. God knew how much I could bare and He knew when to step in but He wasn't until I gave up and brought the problem to Him. I did and trusted Him with it then an only then did God show up and I felt His present in the house I was sitting in the living room and my mother room is right connecting it. It was the spirit of the Lord it passed me and I heard my mother crying and she began to break down from the pride that had her she began to call me and she said that she couldn't do it know long I said what she began to share with me why she was acting like she was acting and said that she have to let go and change because things weren't getting any better by what she was doing. What she was hoping for was that her life would turn around and things would be better so she could go back to living and having told control. The fight that going own is within them selves. and it not personal and has nothing to do with the Love you are sharing and giving. The battle is not your to fight it a battle between your father and God since God is in control of our lives. what God aloud me to understand about this whole things was something I couldn't even see and it was that when we live to get up in age like our parents we come to realize that life will soon come to and end because nobody lives for ever He had me to walk in those shoes for a minute now because I'm a christian I have believe certain things about having eternal life with God once I leave this body. Now I trust God with my whole life and even when you know what you know about at the point you reach that stage that a hard pill to swallow because the only thign you can do it hope because you never seen God nor Heaven. It a reality check about the end. They become afraid knowing that time is drawing near and they began to ask why life has to be so short. It seem like life it a long time until you get to a time point and have lived along life. I didn't realize what was going own until God had me to see things in a different view. Then and only then I seen myself at that point and yes it made me feel kinda like it a good reason why my mother is acting the way she is. I don't blame her cause I feel the same way. God touch my mother and she open up and then she was better because she allow god to have His way. Which that the only way life is going to be anyway. So Your father is just in a match with God and we all know that we cant win. So I pray for you and your father and you began to allow God to minister to you and know it not about you. Amen
My mother had stroke and mildone. She had to learn howto walk again twice. She has some mild type depression because she lost my father. Some days she cry out for the lost . She some time want walk or exercises either. I have to stay on her. Make her walk to restroom. This goes with the disease after the stroke.
The symptoms described seem typical of stroke patients. Once I had dinner with a friend and her husband who was recovering from a stroke. When she left the table, he begged me to help him die.
Have you seen the film about Patricia Neal's recovery from her stroke. It's inspiring and unfortunately doesn't seem typical of what happens with elderly patients. Full recovery is unlikely, however the depression can lift in time.
You can't fix your mother. Let your love show, comfort her and at the same time separate your own emotions from her symptoms of disease. Get help form her doctor if possible, and perhaps join a support group even if it's online like this one. Blessings to you both.
Will she see her doctor? After my mom's stroke--after which she developed vascular dementia, something you should as about--her rehab doc prescribed an antidepressant. Mom had always refused them in the past, but because mom was completely incapacitated at the time, we were able to say yes. The pity party that had been going on for several years slowly evaporated and we got our old "can do" mom back. It's worth a discussion with her doctor. If she won't go, send him a letter outlining your concerns. And take care of yourself!
My mother had a stroke also and lost interest as well. Very difficult and sad. Medication did help a bit but still no interest in most things, no attention span at all .she is mobile with a walker and loves to walk and we walk alot!!! It sound like she could be depressed . Best of luck to you!
My dad had a mild stroke 2 years ago, at the age of 84. In the hospital, he didn't want to take his meds or do physical therapy. The doctor said that if he doesn't take his meds and do PT, then he will stay in the hospital. So, dad took his pills and did PT just so that he can come home. He refused to go to rehab. The reason he refused PT is because It Hurts.
He's now bedridden for 2 years. I can count with both hands the number of times he left the bed to sit in his wheelchair. My father had no interest in getting better. I have found that what used to interest him before the stroke - no longer applies now. What he used to love before the stroke - he now doesn't like it. I have noticed that since the stroke, he is quickly becoming senile. And no, none of his doctors have ever declared him of senility or dementia.
I have tried playing the oldies songs that he used to love to sing. Now, he doesn't like it because it sounds 'wrong.' TV no longer interests him. The same applies to food. Only recently, he's been asking for real food.. but it's only pizza, banana bread, sugar bread and ice cream.
About a year after his stroke, he didn't want to live anymore. He kept praying to God 4 times, and God did not listen to him (quoting my dad.) That lasted for several months.
Maybe your mom has depression? Can you take her to the clinic and check?
If it helps, my mother's mood only really started to lift this spring, just over a year after she'd had two small strokes, then started a very low dose SSRI, followed by a wrist fracture, followed by vascular dementia diagnosis and then a possible Alzheimer's diagnosis just before Christmas. It's been very hard going, but… she's done well.
You just have to do your best to be realistic and accepting of whatever comes along, without giving up hope altogether. I hope the sun comes out for you again as it has done for us, at last, for now, kind of. Best of luck.
It's taken me 4 years to finally accept my new normal, and it was quite a struggle after having breast cancer. My Dad is still trying to find a new normal after 5 years after having a heart attack... he had to stop driving and he hates that.
I can't tell by your note to what extent your Mom is not functioning.
However, in nursing, we would use the positive approach. For example, put her meal in front of her, put a spoon in her hand and encourage her to eat. Or in the shower give her a wash cloth and encourage her to wash her face while you wash her back. Praise her for any small efforts.
Let her know how much her small efforts help you.
It doesn't always work, but is always worth a try.
It doesn't always work at first, but it gives her an idea of your expectations.
My MIL was depressed but did not want to be a burden. Even got to the point that she could fold my clean clothes while she sat up, which was a big help.
Have you seen the film about Patricia Neal's recovery from her stroke. It's inspiring and unfortunately doesn't seem typical of what happens with elderly patients. Full recovery is unlikely, however the depression can lift in time.
You can't fix your mother. Let your love show, comfort her and at the same time separate your own emotions from her symptoms of disease. Get help form her doctor if possible, and perhaps join a support group even if it's online like this one. Blessings to you both.
He's now bedridden for 2 years. I can count with both hands the number of times he left the bed to sit in his wheelchair. My father had no interest in getting better. I have found that what used to interest him before the stroke - no longer applies now. What he used to love before the stroke - he now doesn't like it. I have noticed that since the stroke, he is quickly becoming senile. And no, none of his doctors have ever declared him of senility or dementia.
I have tried playing the oldies songs that he used to love to sing. Now, he doesn't like it because it sounds 'wrong.' TV no longer interests him. The same applies to food. Only recently, he's been asking for real food.. but it's only pizza, banana bread, sugar bread and ice cream.
About a year after his stroke, he didn't want to live anymore. He kept praying to God 4 times, and God did not listen to him (quoting my dad.) That lasted for several months.
Maybe your mom has depression? Can you take her to the clinic and check?