I am here most days and nights, I do all the shopping cooking help from anyone.
I go to a friends 2 nights a week after 9pm until next morning then im back before mum wakes.
She is early stages and still is very lucid although still not very safe on her own but I have no choice its the only break I get and without this ill crack. I have no car and my friends house is only 15mins walk away she has his number my number emergency etc... even neighbour down the road?

She is now getting abusive when i go out and calling me all sorts I just cant take anymore she does not want to be on her own but heres the thing my bro lives down the road IS WILLING to stay over if im not here BUT she wil not hear of it she screamed at me if you call your brother ill kick you out on the street?

How much more can I take now she dosnt want me to have a life but if shes scared on her own why wouldnt she want my brother here???????????????? just fed up here and really want to get away from this crap she needs to be in a NH where shes looked after I cant be here 24/7 its soul destroying.
When im away it looks like she hasnt slept how on earth is she going to cope on her own which she maintains she will???

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Thanks guys esp. pstiegman I never thought of it like that I will have to put my foot down and get him to stay and just go. My brother hates me he helps because he has to as other siblings tell him to help. Why does he hate me because his wife was kicked out of my mums house for stealing from her. Hes happy that im here with her now but dosnt like it when others tell him that he needs to do his bit! Also the first time i asked him to stay was after a break in his wife told him that SHE sisnt like to be on her own either?? ( can I just say that any burglar would regret bumping into this woman) anyway lots of crap ahead brother will stay then his selfish wife will moan GOD HELP ME! xx
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It's called separation anxiety. Get her some Ativan or Xanax and have your brother stay with her on a regular basis. Tell her you will be back and then GO.
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kazzaa, I think you are looking for rational behavior in a very irrational disease. Of course your mother's reasoning does not make any sense. She has dementia.

Have your brother sleep over the nights you go out. Maybe Mom won't even know, if she sleep through the night. Maybe she will have a huge fit. In any case, you NEED some respite.

I think that orangeblossom has given you some good suggestions.

And it is probably a good idea to start looking for a memory care unit for Mom. She may not need it immediately, but it is better to be prepared.
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Dear Kazaa, It sounds like you are getting very close to NH time. I think it 's fabulous that your Bro is willing to pitch in for you. She may rant and rave, but I would have your Bro sleep over anyway. Use him as your muscle and your ally. He wants to help you, so let him sternly inform her that he is taking his turn to give you a break, that he does not like the way she is treating you over this, and she is just going to have to put up with him for one night. She may kick up a fuss, but she will get used to it when she realizes she cannot have her way. This is one of the ways you can set limits or boundaries with her, by letting her know you are entitled to your free time and you will take it. You may want to ask the doctor to prescribe a mild sedative for Mom at night so she will sleep soundly, or try the sleepy-time tea after supper. I would not tell her that the doc gave her another pill, just add it to the others. Does she wear diapers or does she get up from her sleep to go pee? If Bro is not there, that could be a problem when she realizes you are gone, and then she gets scared, and mad at you for making her scared.

You know she has no valid reason or right to deny you some free time, but it's her dementia screwing with her brain and telling her you are going to abandon her. She is simply afraid, and she probably feels that your Bro can't take care of her as well as you do (but probably will never admit to it). I think her screaming is a lot of hot air, but if she does try to kick you out, just stay by your Bro for a few nights and call her during the day to see how she is doing - does she need any help - she may simply forget the whole incident by the next day. I think repetition is the key - you and your Bro need to present a united front as a team. When she understands that she is not going to get her way no matter how much of a fuss she makes, she will probably accept it. Blessings and Good Luck! (Let us know how it goes)
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