Mom gives me a hard time about everything and then lies about things like taking my personal belongings, why?

Your feelings are not priority in this situation. Keep mom occupied with fun and fulfilling activities like so many in my ebook "Bold Actions for Helping Older Parents". It will take up time from you and family, but its worth it see a loved one relaxed and not getting so upset each time she dwells on a subject. Love and Patience and changing routines to meet her needs. Good Luck.

A great book is Thoughtful Dementia Care: Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller. It gave me a peacefulness in dealing with my husband's dementia. I feel more patient and most of the time happiness reins. Another great source is Teepa Snow. She is an occupational therapist with extensive dementia experience and she has produced several DVDs that really aid in understanding the process and in offering many suggestions to handle many many situations to make things easier for all concerned. Good luck to you.

A thorough physical checkup with a complete review of meds is key, if she hasn't had one. Infections and med side-effects or conflicts can mimic dementia, or make a known dementia patient appear to be more advanced than they actually are.

(Somebody mentioned her husband's stroke. My husband also had one, and the effects are mostly cognitive. Stroke is a different beast -- improvements *may* still be possible for many years afterward. Or not. Everybody's different. I *can* and do discuss things with my husband, and we can usually resolve them in some way -- which is something I would not even attempt in the case of dementia.)

This is the story of my life w/ Dad. He was such an honorable, righteous, & good man. Everyone wanted a dad like him. Everyone loved & respected him. Now, He literally would & has stolen cookies out of a baby's hand! (I would give my 2 year old strawberry newtons & fig newtons for him for dessert- their favorites). This sneak would wait for me to leave the house-- I'd turn right around, right away, and he would be standing there where I left him two seconds before w/ the baby's cookies in both hands! (Which he must have pulled out of his pockets!) He knew they were for the baby- he didn't even like them. But, he'd keep taking them until they were gone! The man pre- meditated schemes with plots & sub- plots. Said to me one day out of the blue, " I have been thinking a lot about how & what would hurt you the most, & I want you to know: that if you don't do what I want OR if you ever try to tell my doctor there's something wrong w/ me....I HAVE EVERYTHING IN PLACE TO DESTROY YOU! " Who has ever said that for real? Scary thing is, It sure felt like some demonic spirit set up camp in my dad's body. It only looked like dad. This guy didn't use the same language as dad did. My dad & I were so close--closer than anyone! Now, it seems strange to me that there are so many horror stories like mine. Seriously, I don't have any answers. But, in observing every story about "personality changes" as w/ ALZ &/or other dementias, I have not seen ONE SINGLE CASE being that a cranky, mean, cruel - type person changed into a patient, loving, honest, honorable, etc,, person! Please, if you are out there- please, tell me a true story of an elderly person who had dementia that completely changed for the better. You know, changed their ways to be good decent people instead of the a***holes they were known for. all their lives. Scientifically, I can not explain it. But, I am not that smart. I am a medical professional speaking & I don't see plaques being the reason for the "evil". All we know is autopsies show these similar plaques in the brains of the demented. The one common denominator we can objectively see. That's it. If the devil had a shot at taking away the kind of love dad & I had, when dad is old & weak, I am certain he would try. I can't help thinking, "No. Don't let our loved ones go out like this, after all the good they've done all their lives!" If that IS true, then the only & best weapon we have Is LOVE. There is nothing more powerful. blou

Some of this information I really needed to hear. I know it but it still frustrates the h*ll out of me my mom still thinks she had a third husband, or I should be sleeping with her since my dad and step-dad are both gone. I have try to reason with her that a 54 yr old son doesn't mind laying by her now and then to comfort but not all the time. I have gotten better at either agreeing when I know she is so far off. Thanks for ya'lls post.

These people who are saying it's dementia, Alzheimer's etc have no way of knowing this. it may sound similar but could also just be a normal part of aging. people's brains react and respond differently as we get older. Do not drive yourself crazy or get upset thinking it could be a mental illness. Get a professional opinion and evaluation from a real Dr. or psychiatrist who can actually meet your mom in real life instead of listening to some "know it all" on the internet.

I'm not sure who you're talking to, kennyhelper. If it is allislost, the profile has that her mother has alz/dem. No one here is diagnosing.

Sorry to be the one outstanding thorn on the rosebush of explanations here BUT: My mother-in-law suffered from dementia on and off. She would have clear moments and she would have moments when she thought her son was her husband. BUT she never forgot that she hated me. She would kick me, hit me with her walker, smash my lip open, punch me whenever she got the chance. She was clear headed enough to do this ONLY when her son WASN'T in the room with us and then she would tell him, "She hit me!" (I never did!) Now THAT is diabolical, logical and smacks of premeditation and is NOT something someone does with dementia. This was a deliberate action. I refused to call that dementia. It was plain ol' demonic hatred expressed and excused by dementia. She's dead now. GOOD RIDDANCE!

I am sorry you had to suffer thru that fedup....so sorry...I do believe personality traits are there. dementia can only worsen them. not saying that is your case!

something you said touched a nerve for me as It reminded me of some things that made it so difficult to accept it actually was the dementia not the behaviors I was used to all our life! it is this, there are things she does, that I tell her not to do enough that she does not do them in my presence....which to me was saying she has the control....she knows what she is doing.... or I walk in and catch her doing it she hides it, and if questioned denies it.....but
but someone gracefully pointed out Loosely translated thru these memory failures she loves and respects me and when I am present she is reminded of what I ask her to do.
It kinda made sense, made me feel better, anyway!

Then there are the days that I just am frustrated! not at her but the situation...I have to run a household and get so much done all alone.. and every single morning it is a 20 minute battle to get the pills and water down! if I walk away to take care of something else, half dissolved pills are found everywhere and water which is prescribed with pills never gets touched. After 10ys of every morning telling her at least 20 times "finish the water", then the food is an hour at least and another insane amount of "eat your meal" etc.... then its a diaper change few chores and next meal all over again! I just want to scream, not at her but just scream at the monotony of it all !!! Sorry just venting!

Oh yes, juju! Oh yes! The disease is frustrating. The situation is frustrating. Vent away!

We personified my husband's dementia. We called it Lewy. (It was very helpful to me that he was aware of his disease. My mother isn't. It makes a difference.) We both could get disgusted with that darn Lewy. When he got discouraged over his bad days I'd say, "Lewy is especially nasty today. Maybe tomorrow will be better."

It really is helpful to realize our anger and frustration is not about the person we love, but about what is happening to them.

Thank you Jeanne.... it just defies logic, and I am a statistical/logical type thinkier definitely! XOXOX to you for your kind words of support!

Can relate to what to others are describing about their loved ones. My dad has been wearing sweat pants and shirts year around. He also is sleeping in his recliner instead of his bed and not sure why. Am getting better at not arguing or disagreeing with him. Just worry about and sometimes hurts my feelings to know he doesn't feel good and the dementia and/or Alzheimer's makes it hard to communicate. Try to act like it does not bother me, but it does help to know others are going through the same thing.

A friend of mine shared this link with me last nite....mite help give more understanding...but watch out~grab some Kleenex first, I got a lump in my throat and gut, balled my eyes out!!!

rollingstone/music/videos/glen-campbell-shares-poignant-last-music-video-im-not-gonna-miss-you-20141012