Mom has given up after injury and wants someone to do everything for her. What should we do?

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My mom was living on her own with very little assistance until she fell and broke her femur. The bone was surgically repaired and she stayed at a rehab center for 3-4 weeks and got a little better but decided she didn't want to do her PT or OT any more because it hurt too much. We moved her to a foster home and she now is totally bed ridden and is requiring total care refusing to get out of bed or do anything for herself. My sister and I are at our wits end and don't know what to do to help. Anybody experienced this type of situation? What should we do?

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My father was mom's main caregiver for over 23 years. Mom was diagnosed with dementia when I was in my early 20s. In about 13 years, mom was bedridden. Two years ago, father suffered a minor stroke. He spent 2 weeks at the hospital and was resistent to PT even then because it hurt. When he was released, he refused to go to rehab. So, he came home - bedridden - and a therapist to come several times a week. He eventually refused therapy because it hurts. And so the therapist stopped coming. Father could have walked if he wanted. He was able to move his left side. He just had limited movement but with exercise, he could have been almost normal.

He's bedridden and absolutely refuses to get off the bed. On his most recent hospital stay for pneumonia, I have seen how the medical staff kept trying to get him to go on the wheelchair. He absolutely refused.

He has a very good working right hand. But he even refuses to clean himself up. He doesn't want to do anything. He's willing to wear Depends pampers if it means not getting off the bed.

I don't know what you can do. Father came home determined to do NOTHING for himself but give orders to us all to do this or that. It's a constant struggle. I don't have the patience to put up with it. I tell him since he CHOSE to be bedridden, he will just have to suffer the consequences. I don't jump to do his bidding like oldest sis does. She spoils him and he expects me to do the same. It's a constant battle. It got to the point that sis would press on the darn remote control to raise his bed! And I come home from work and he orders me to raise his bed. I snapped and told him he has a good working right hand, if he wants to be raised, then raise it himself! Gee whiz!!!

Sorry, I wish I could help you. All I know is that father gets spoiled in the hospital and by sis. and it's hard to get him to do things himself when he doesn't want to get better. He loves being in bed and ordering us around (or tries to with me.) I hope someone here would have some practical advice for you.
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