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My Mom's in assisted living, rather than paying them extra for exercising her, doing her laundry, and taking her to all appts. she pays me. It is great that I am able to spend time with my mom and help her out. My brother and sister say that they will need to give me a tax form for what my mom gives me. If this is the case I will have to get a job and not be able to spend the time my mother wants from me and limit what I can do to help her which will cost mom more money in the long run. Mom has said if I wasnt there everyday she would'nt want to live.. I am between a rock and a hard place.

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Many assisted living places do charge extra for each of those individual services. If Mom is paying you the same amount she would be paying them, then she is out nothing financially. Since she likes you doing these things, she is ahead emotionally. You like doing these things and you can use the money, so you are ahead. The same amount of money is being spent out of Mom's funds, so Brother and Sister are out nothing now or for inheritance.

Sounds like a total win/win situation ... but

Depending on how much Mom is paying you, you may need to pay taxes on it. That really has nothing to do with your siblings -- it is just a law.

If there is any possibility that Mom might go through all her money and need Medicaid assistance for a nursing home later, then it needs to be quite clear that she is not giving her money away, but using it for her own care. Medicaid will not care that she paid someone to do her laundry, it just has to be properly documented.

To settle these legal/administrative issues, consult an attorney who specializes in elder law. Have a personal care agreement drawn up. Pay taxes on what Mom pays you, if that is appropriate. It is not a big deal.

Reading between the lines a little (which is never 100% accurate -- correct me if I'm wrong) I wonder if your Mom is paying you more for your services than the ALF would charge. If, for example, the ALF would provide certain services for $100 a month and Mom is giving you $1000 for those services, then $900 is really a gift to you. That complicates things a lot. Not an impossible situation, but, again, I think you should consult an elder law attorney.

The legal and financial issues can be worked out with the help of a professional.

Emotionally the situation is harder, I think. Mom has said if you weren't there everyday she wouldn't want to live. That is some heavy duty emotional blackmail. Many people do hold a job and still manage to see their parent every day or frequently at least briefly. Many parents do make friends or at least acquaintances in their facility and become less dependent on one child.

You don't say how old your mother is, whether your siblings also visit her, whether she has any cognitive issues, etc. All these factors do make a difference.
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Well their hands are tied in that they have to track every penny or her Medicaid is in jeopardy. Usually these services are included in the rent, having you do them makes her happy, but is it saving her anything?
You really should get a job, because in the long run you need to take care of yourself and her funds will be gone soon. Your career is important, keep it moving forward, so one day you can afford ALF.
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