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My mom is 89 with dementia. I recently started caring for her in my home. I'm with her 24/7. She's getting so dependent on me that it's driving me nuts. She acts like she doesn't know how to do things -- expecting me to do it for her. If I tell her she can do it she gives me that sad puppy dog look. She doesn't want to participate in anything and makes me feel like I'm suppose to entertain her. She can't stand it if I'm in a different room in the house. She thinks I'm suppose to be in the same room with her at all the times.

If I need to go somewhere and someone is here to look after her she starts acting all scared. I tell her she'll be just fine and she says shes not. She tries to keep me her security blanket. Help!

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My situation is different because my mother is just forgetful and a bit needy, not having dementia, but here's something kind of amazing that's happened:

So, first of all, my mom's forgetfulness was stressing her out and she was getting really needy. She was so afraid to forget things that we stopped thinking for herself, basically. It was truly hard to balance what I should do for her and what she should do for herself and, at first, she wasn't all that cooperative about it. But, she's starting to realize that, in her own words, she'd "become a big pill." She's now making more of an effort.

But what someone told me in my own post in a different discussion in this forum is to get someone to evaluate her abilities. I have not done that but I'm telling you that might be something to look into. I can't remember if the right person is calling something like a neuro-psychologist -- I really don't remember the term. But maybe someone like that can help you determine what things you really do have to do and come up with strategies for it.

Here's something kind of amazing that just happened to me, yesterday:
First, I should add that Mom moved-in just one week ago. We were lucky to get her a doctor's appointment with her new clinic for yesterday. It's a geriatric clinic that does the full range of care and, while her internal medicine doctor did probably do a great job for her, I think she needs something more rounded, now. She wouldn't have changed doctors if she wouldn't have moved, so that was what I call a real opportunity.

Anyway, we were there for hours for this first visit, but it was well worth it. They even had social workers come and talk to her. And, here's the special thing that happened -- having an outsider speak with us really made a difference. My mother did admit to the social worker that she's basically almost stopped living.

While I do have a good rappor with my mother and she does kind of admit her faults and cooperates with me, even with our strong rappor, it was worth having a third party who understands these situations speak with us.

The social worker asked Mom, "Do you feel useless?" and Mom, after some thought, realized that she DID feel useless. And, she finally realized she kind of did it to herself -- stopped doing things she saw as useful.

Anyway, once again, not trying to say this is your situation at all, since my mother still does have her faculties, just wondering if there's any kind of third party that could give some new strategies or some helpful interference in the situation.
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I don't know if this will help, but my Aunt became like this. Her outer world became the structure and safety of her life. She was no longer able to trust her mind, and couldn't do things anymore. She only felt safe if someone she trusted was there to lead and be with her. Maybe she is trying to be safe. My aunt could get really scared without me as a touchstone. I know it doesn't make it easier.
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Captain I guess everyone perceives time differently. My care giving gig has been going on for 13 years and could continue until my 91 yr old Mom is in her 100's. That being said, 20 yrs is nothing in kids yrs, but if I'm doing this gig for 20 yrs. I'll be a Looney tune!!! Lol
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yes, in later stage dementia the patient needs emotional / mood support, 24 hour attention and constant companionship. then mobility will get so flaky that you just about have to walk with them from room to room.
and yes, it can drive you crazy. your caregiving gig will not last all that long so id suggest learning all you can about dementia then do a job youll be proud of later.
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This site is a God-sent. I was searching for something on this very subject and voila....My 88yr,'mother' who is a narsassist but otherwise of sound mind, decided last Aug. she could no longer walk anymore, due to COPD, against mine and her Drs. encouragement to keep moving. I'm saying this because the fact that it was "her decision" keeps me somewhat sane during these long demanding days.Recently, she wants me in her room 24/7 as she says she's scared and doesn't want to be alone. She has me on a wireless doorbell and I have her on a servailence camera. Her house is big and there's 36 acres with 3 cats and a dog. Needless to say there's endless chores and I''m not one who can just sit. And like your Mom she won't participate in anything. Some days she won't even lift her arms to feed herself. She has macular degeneration and is quit deaf (but won't put her hearing aid in), so TV's out.I feel bad because she's so isolated but even If I am sitting with her, we can't have a conversation as she doesn't try to hear me or follow the subject and often tells me to stop screaming at her.
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Research this site further and you will see hundreds of posts about this same issue. I endured it and vented about it here often. I learned alot about myself and my mother and this disease throughout this whole process. My mother would not tolerate me out of her sight, not even for the bathroom and she'd get nasty and call me names if I was taking care of business, like cleaning, cooking, bills. She would not tolerate me reading a book. For me, I could not do this all by myself and I came to terms with that reality, you literally need a team to do it or you'll end up in a psyche ward at its best, forget about the worst case. I agree research and learn, connect with others, caregivers and see what options are available for you.
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Lazieye I'm coming to a crossroad with this issue myself. I've been at this care giving a long time. My Mom is becoming more and more paranoid and insecure... She refuses to go to daycare!

I think it's time to start looking into some NH's.. I hate to do it. She has tried several medications for her anxiety attacks, they all make her so sluggish.. I am fearful that if she ends up in NH she'll be like that all day...

I can't talk with her about her behavior because she can't comprehend anything regarding this behavior, she'll just turn it around to be my fault.. Ugh!! Maybe it's just been a very stressful few days!
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My mom was like that, too. If I went out of the room to pee she got really agitated. You don't just care for elderly parents, you're literally chained to them around the clock. I'd go outside and scream and drop F bombs left and right just to release some of the pressure and stress. Then I'd pray my neighbors wouldn't think I was certifiable. There's only one way to deal...you grit your teeth and endure and that's about it.

I dealt with my mom as long as I could. In the end, the last 3 months of her life, I had to get her into a facility. I just couldn't deal anymore. My doc said I was on the verge of a stroke and something had to give. When it gets that bad, do what you have to do, even if it tears your guts out. And it will. I felt damned if I put my mom in a facility and damned if I didn't. There is no easy street in the care giver role.
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Thanks for the support. I have been researching as much as I can, but I haven't really heard anyone else complain about what I'm going through. I've even consulted one of the online doctors and all I get is the same answer. I understand it's going to get worse, but I don't know how to get my mom to stop being so clingy. I guess I just needed to vent.
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Dementia stinks!!

Try to educate yourself about it.. Search the internet , search this site. The more you know about this disease the more you'll understand what your Mom is going through.. You have to remind yourself daily in that she isn't acting this way to annoy you. It only gets worse so I try to educate myself about what's coming next as this dreadful disease progresses...

Most important "take time for yourself"!!!
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