How do I handle my Mom getting depression because I'm in a relationship and soon to have a baby? - AgingCare.com

How do I handle my Mom getting depression because I'm in a relationship and soon to have a baby?

Follow
Share

Ive been taking care of my parents for many yrs and a 40 yr old male. Me and my mom are very close. Ive been in a relationship for the last 4 months and shes pregnant. Other brothers and sisters are telling me my mother is missing me even though i stop in every single day and take them to dr appointments.
My mother seems to be giving up and is becoming very depressed even though she still lives with my father.
I need to have my life too....but i also love my mom more then anythinf and she always comes first.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
9

Answers

Show:
Depsher, here is another example. In 1944, my future Grandmother had a stroke. She demanded all three of her children remain living at home until she died. They got married anyway and presented her with 8 grandchildren before she checked out in 1962. Your situation is Deja Vu.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

sandwhich42plus, my wife's mother was basically the same narcissistic way when we got married and around the birth of our two sons. The drama was so bad and my wife had not gained enough freedom by that point that she ended up in therapy for several years to get her freedom.! My wife had been groomed by her parents, mainly her mother, to be their life long caregiver who was never to have gotten married just like her twin sister who also rebelled and got married several years earlier.

It seems like some parents are so selfish that they forget that they got married and had children back then without their parents throwing a fit over their getting married and going off on some drama kick every time a child was born! On the other hand some of them never put their spouse and children first and thus don't understand those who do.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Been there, done that, got the tshirt and poster. I'm 43, so I feel your pain.
Congratulations x1000 on the baby and relationship!!
Your baby-mother and that baby come first.
Always. And forever now.

Mom can get over it. She may throw dramatic scenes and be very difficult to deal with. You have to be strong through this. Baby is #1 and that's the way it's supposed to be.

Mom has to understand it's not all or nothing. Yes, she will now have to wait for her piece of you, but this is the natural order of things.

It's time she let you be the adult you are, and focus on your adult obligations without turning it around and making it all about her.

My mother threw every conceivable kind of fit possible when I got married and then at each of my childrens' births. She tried making herself sick. She tried creating fake emergencies to make everybody come a running. She threatened to throw up during my wedding ceremony. She has done a lot of very selfish and mean, hurtful things over the years due to her narcissism.

Your folks have to learn to get help from other people and services now. It's mind boggling how many people come to this site with parents who never expected to age and never expected to need help, and never planned ahead. So many folks come here in crisis because mom & dad just assumed the (now adult and aging) "kids" had the audacity to go get their own lives.

When you have specific questions about where & how to get them help for different things, come back & ask! We have a lot of really wise people here who literally have lived through it all.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

depsher23, you mentioned you have been taking care of your parents for many years.... what type of help have you been giving them that your Mom might be concerned that you won't be able to do?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

How wonderful to be in a realtionship, and to be expecting a baby. Congratulations!

Of course you love your mother. Until now she has come first. But that has to change if you are to have a normal committed relationship with a woman and child. Think about the years Mom was raising you. Did she put your grandmother first in her life, ahead of your father and you? I certainly hope not!

Continue to love your mother. See her and/or call her often. But now is the time for you to begin focusing heavily on your new relationship.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

If you're only 40, your mom must be pretty young (in her 60s or early 70s). She's still got plenty of time left to enjoy her life. You've got two new priorities - your girlfriend and the baby that's coming. Mom comes after them. That will be a change for both of you, but that's the natural order of things in healthy families. Like others have said, you need to learn to set some boundaries and get mom help (counseling/medication) if she needs it to adjust to the changes in your life. Good luck with your baby!! Congratulations!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

If you continue to let your mom run your life, she will ruin your life. I know. And when it comes time to care for her, it will be a lot worse than it is now, if you don't set some boundaries for yourself. Then set some boundaries for mom. She might balk at first or even be mad at you, but if she really loves you, she will understand. Get dad to help you accomplish this.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Your mother is jealous and can't bear the thought of cutting your umbilical cord.
If you let her play you now, she will play you for the rest of your life.
Now go take care of the wife and baby. Mom has to let you grow up.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Is your mother on an antidepressant? If not, then she needs to see her doctor and get one.

Now that you're about to become a father, you will soon two people who will be your new priority. Your brothers and sisters along with yourself need to meet together and come with a plan for your mother's care and safety.

Good luck.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions