Mom gets angry when I tell her "No." Does anyone have advice on how I should deal with this?

Hello
This happens alot even with caregivers but i have learnt that the best thing is agreeing with them and acknowledging their ideas are good. Then next refute her idea in a 'very strict/categorical no' answer with a 'BUT' word....argue your objection with a simple fact eg mediction she is taking or even the weather at that time. Like driving on a rainy or ❄ day if you are arguing about driving.

As other people have said only advice I can give is "agree" with them or say just seem interested which is what I (26) and my parents do with my grandma. Like others have said me, my parents and a sprinkling of family/friends are the main ones who see her. I guess whether at my age dealing with these issues is your opinion (I've gotten answers both ways though the nos are mainly people who know me (I guess cause they know with my depression and other mental issues)) I guess just at my age it (for me anyway) feels awkward since I don't know what neccesarily is coming up next with my grandma, though she's getting more nasty over time she is still independent which also causes the what's next but as well as my own life as well as my parent's as well as brother and SIL as I know just recently married I will be part of any kids they have lives (they live next door) so yeah I'm not exactly sure where I was going with this but just to me it irritates me when I see someone on here point a finger and "shout" at someone about what they should/shouldn't be doing, whether they're in their parents life enough, saying they are/aren't a horrible son/daughter because even if they've posted info you really can't judge unless you know them personally... something I understand being deaf in one ear as well as hard of hearing... I wonder all the time what people think of me... do they think I'm rude because I didn't answer not knowing they spoke, what are they thinking about me asking to repeat, do they realize the way they changed their tone/volume was hurtful (yes it is depending on how it's done. I need you to speak a little louder not yell at the top of your lungs (which makes it just as hard to understand you) or talk ridiculously slow like I have no brain capacity

I would suggest that you research "Validation Therapy". It is a new way to approach those with dementia. I recently went through a training and was very impressed with what I learned.

At least she fessed up to her "erring in raising you." That's rich. I have to remember that one.

It is very difficult. Utterly difficult. At one point, I told my mother that she can’t afford to be nasty with me. I’m an only child. Kind talks, biting my tongue, recommendations for her to be on meds for her nastiness, twisting myself into a pretzel. I said to her one day in a calm voice, you will know when I am done. It’s your choice if you want me to go in that direction.

I got myself into therapy. I learn some skills on how to detach. When she starts getting nasty, that’s my cue, I end the conversation. I’m 53 and too damn old to have to walk on eggshells with her or with anybody for that matter.

Mother is too obstinate and too old to change. The change needed to happen with me. I set boundaries for myself. We are just mere mortals, we have limits. I know when I reached mine, I got help, not for her but for myself.

Forget her age or physical limitations - that does NOT matter. She is destroying you and abusing you and making life hell for you. What have you done to deserve that - nothing. Forget about being nice and sweet and disrupt her thinking and so forth. Stand your ground, get tough - pretend she is a person on the street who wants to mug you or threaten your well being or your life. Fight back. Let her have it big time and say you will not allow her behavior and nasty treatment of you and unless she stops immediately (and I assure you she will only get worse), then you have made up your mind that you are finished in any relationship with her, she should find someone else, and if it doesn't stop, you are going to forcibly put her somewhere at once. She will get furious and go into shock but it might stop her in her tracks long enough for you to find someplace to put her. I have lived a hard, tough life and one thing I learned far to late is that when people start trampling on you, regardless of the reason, you either find a way to stop them from doing harm to you immediately or your remove them from your presence and don't look back. Please stand up to her and start looking where to put her. Don't let her destroy you.

Look at it this way. Did you ever have to tell you kid NO and did they get mad? Did you stop telling them NO because they would get mad? Of course not! Why is this any different?

I tell my mil who lives with us," Well, maybe you can ask so and so to do that." She knows none of them will and drops it. Or my new one, "Well, when you miraculously recover and can do your own laundry, you can stuff all the melty chocolates you want in your pockets, or... cook your own favorite meal over and over again, but I cook a varied diet, live in stacks and stacks of old magazines and newspapers and junkmail, but I keep a clean house."