She keeps saying over and over..its my business...its my business and no one elses". ..i cant even talk to my 2 brothers about her condition...im just wondering...anyone have this problem?
Yes. Buy a one-way ticket to a foreign country and come back in about ten years. You are about to get stuck in a ride to hell with no escape. Get out now.
I took care of my Alzheimer's Mother for 10 years, 24/7. I know what you are talking about...heard it often from my Mother, and the swearing. Some days ok, but it was progressing. I found the same issues in trying to talk with my brother and his wife, who lived some 700 miles away. They couldn't deal with it, and became even more remote. You feel like you are on an island.
I found that anti-anxiety drugs, Ativan ( mildest for the elderly) worked to calm her down. It's not your Mother's fault as things are beginning to spin around in her mind. As tough as it may be, an adverse reaction to her words only heightens the problem. Don't take anything personally. She is becoming more confused, disoriented and is reacting/reaching out. I know it's difficult to accept and hear harsh words, and is a drain for you emotionally. Accept her statements, and do the best you can to change the subject matter or venue. She is likely not feeling safe or feels threatened. It's not her fault. Reinforce that you love her. "I love you" is the best medication and reinforces her safety, albeit perhaps temporarily. It takes a lot of patience.
My Mother started to display this behavior and talk about five to six years or so before she passed away. It was a continual problem to discover what worked and what didn't in terms of calming medications. It takes time and great patience. Your Mother is in perhaps the early stages. Know that you are not alone in this journey.
Not knowing whether you are caretaking in the same house or your Mother is living on her own would help in telling you what worked and didn't work for me. I experienced just about everything under the sun. It was exhausting, but I'd do it all over again. I am writing a book on my experience, and have developed a DVD. I am working on a website. My Mother passed late last year. Mark
Be careful not to use medications on a trail and error basis that may likely make things worse, as I often experienced.
She probably needs the right meds to help her moods and keep the meanies away. Elders can turn mean and it will take a bit for it to be reversed. But this does look like the turning point in her life where she needs daily help. The longer it goes ,the more it takes to adjust to the new lifestyle. Get POA and get the ball rolling. More than likely your brothers know but are waiting for another to take that step.
Well, it ceases to be "her business" when it impacts you three siblings negatively. What you are describing could be the beginnings of dementia and she needs to get into a neurologist to get an accurate diagnosis. This is one time adult children can "lie" to their parents. Tell her the doctor just wants to check on how well she is doing. Welcome to the dementia caregiving world.
You must get the book : Who is this man? by Edna Edes. It is on Amazon. It is exactly what our family went through and I am sure this will help you will many questions that will arise.
I am sure that a lot of us have a similar problem. In my case it is an 83 year old wife. However, in our case there is no verbal abuse or swearing. Is it possible that she has had people around her treat her with impatience? My wife gets impatient with herself but does not get abusive nor does she blame others for her problem. Be sure she knows you will always be there for her. That she can count on your memory to help her.
thank you for your comments...im glad to know that im not alone...i live with her and see the signs and the forgetfulness..when she is talking to my brothers she is sane and calm and they dont believe me when i tell them things...she accuses me of taking her things, she has forgotten to turn off the stove...just walked off and left it on..she is a totally different person than she was ten yrs ago..i think she knows whats wrong but wont admit it...we fuss every day becasue she has to be right and im wrong...so glad i found this site...one more thing...my dad left yrs ago for a woman my age and i think that also had a lot to do with the present situation...love to all..
PS...just to be clear ...i have talked to my brothers...but after talking with her..they see nothing wrong..but it will eventually get worse...im out of a job...cared for her sister for a year before she passed away from COPD 2 yrs ago..i was burned out an just getting back on my feet from that when this happened...thanks everyone for letting me share..
It sounds like Alzheimer's. My grandmother lives with us and has it and she not only can't remember anything, she is verbally and physically abusive. It isn't her fault and one day she'll go beyond that.
Is she living with you? If so, you must insist that she see a doctor and then, go from there. What are her plans for her long term care? Does she have health insurance?
I took care of my Alzheimer's Mother for 10 years, 24/7. I know what you are talking about...heard it often from my Mother, and the swearing. Some days ok, but it was progressing. I found the same issues in trying to talk with my brother and his wife, who lived some 700 miles away. They couldn't deal with it, and became even more remote. You feel like you are on an island.
I found that anti-anxiety drugs, Ativan ( mildest for the elderly) worked to calm her down. It's not your Mother's fault as things are beginning to spin around in her mind. As tough as it may be, an adverse reaction to her words only heightens the problem. Don't take anything personally. She is becoming more confused, disoriented and is reacting/reaching out. I know it's difficult to accept and hear harsh words, and is a drain for you emotionally. Accept her statements, and do the best you can to change the subject matter or venue. She is likely not feeling safe or feels threatened. It's not her fault. Reinforce that you love her. "I love you" is the best medication and reinforces her safety, albeit perhaps temporarily. It takes a lot of patience.
My Mother started to display this behavior and talk about five to six years or so before she passed away. It was a continual problem to discover what worked and what didn't in terms of calming medications. It takes time and great patience. Your Mother is in perhaps the early stages. Know that you are not alone in this journey.
Not knowing whether you are caretaking in the same house or your Mother is living on her own would help in telling you what worked and didn't work for me. I experienced just about everything under the sun. It was exhausting, but I'd do it all over again. I am writing a book on my experience, and have developed a DVD. I am working on a website. My Mother passed late last year. Mark
Be careful not to use medications on a trail and error basis that may likely make things worse, as I often experienced.
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