My Mom forced into nursing home by state not by family. Any advice?

txcamper makes a really good point regarding contacting an area Long Term Care Ombudsman. They are really amazing advocates regarding people's rights in long term care settings. You can probably get the contact info for the LTC Ombuds in your mother's area by contacting the local Area Agency on Aging. The Ombuds might be able to help you figure out what happened, what your mother's rights are, and help steer you in a direction to get her out of there. Maybe if you were able to get a plan of care in place for her to be at home she could return home. Again, I agree with what everyone else is saying--it's important to gather information first rather than go on the attack. You might save a lot of worry, time and money this way, as there may be a fairly simple solution.

Worried, you are not alone. Texas, in particular Tarrant County (Ft. Worth), has written the law to basically screw the elderly and anyone who might have an inkling of an incapacity. Unfortunately, your mother is in a situation that you might not be able to help without spending massive amounts of your own money. Now that she has been forced into a nursing home, the lawyers, any judges, and social workers will use HER money to fund both the nursing home and themselves. Please read more about unlawful/unnecessary guardianships. There are countless stories about the elderly falling into these situations.

According to Texas law, mental competency doesn't matter. The law is written to involve the incapacitated, which is entirely different. It could mean a physical and/or mental incapacity.

Please be sure that your elder law attorney does not fall on the "Wanted" list on stopguardianabuse - it would also behoove you to read the entire website because all of it is true and happens every day all over the nation. If he/she does fall on that list, fire him/her immediately. This is a serious situation that families struggle with all over Texas, and I don't mean to scare you, but the people who did this to your mother want nothing more than her money.

Dragonflower - oops...you must have posted as I was writing ....

This happened to my mother in the state of Massachusetts. You have to tread lightly because they are in charge. Once they know a lawyer is involved, they get a bit nicer.

1. Call an Elder Care Attorney - they've been through this. They know what to do. State to him you/her you can't get information from anyone.

2. Call her PCP (Primary Care Physician). After you talk with him/her, tell her the SW is not returning your calls and does s/he know what to do about this.

3. Call the Nursing Home (which may also be serving as a REHAB). Ask how your mother is doing. They may be trying to get her back on track with medications. Also, tell them the SW is not returning calls. Try to talk with the highest person on board.

For your own information: Go on Medicare.gov to find out the rating of the nursing home. It may help you understand where and how she is.

I'm thinking your mother's diabetic numbers were out of control which causes confusion which in turn causes non compliance with medications. It was probably a matter of covering her/his butt because of lawsuits that could result if your mom was found dead. We all believe our parents are 'okay' because they never tell us they're not. It's not anyone's fault. It's life.

Hopefully you're okay. When you are speaking with these people, do not show your anger or how upset you are. It will only make things worse and they won't call you back.

I agree with "cmagnum" that something must have happened in your mother's health situation to have triggered this sudden move. The health of an elderly person can go downhill very suddenly - and you were not there to witness it. It's possible that she has developed diabetes-related dementia and Adult Protective Services felt that it was not safe for her to live alone. If she had no healthcare proxy, no durable power of attorney, etc. then there was nobody who could speak on her behalf - so the state did not have a lot of choice.

I highly recommend getting ALL OF THE FACTS before making a rash decision. Since you have been far away, things may have changed dramatically with your mother's health status and you would not even realize it.

If the social worker won't answer your calls, try getting in touch with her supervisor and just explain that you are trying to reach her but you are out of the country. Maybe that will help you at least get to the bottom of it all. I agree though, regardless of her health, as long as she is deemed competent, they have no right to take her out of her home without her consent. Lots of adults smoke, drink, do drugs, don't take proper medications, don't see a doctor, overendudge in food all to their own detriment and no one is dragging them out of their homes and into a health facility for their own good. Seems they only assume if an elderly person isn't taking care of their health then it must be dementia or something. Sorry but people have freedoms and if she is mentally fit then she has the right to decided her own fate. Just my opinion. Get a elder attorney if you can afford it.

I am assuming you have spoken with your mother. Otherwise you would be assuming that she is, in fact, being held against her will.

It may be that she is relieved to be in safe environment, where her medicine will be controlled and good, diabetic friendly meals will be prepared for her. Maybe taking care of the house got to be too much for her. Maybe preparing healthy meals got to be too much. Obviously, for her insulin to be out of whack, and her diabetes to be out of control, something was amiss. Maybe the friends visiting "as much as possible" wasn't enough?

I know this is frustrating and frightening, especially with you being so far away and the time zone differences and all - but you can get more done if you are calm and collected and not a blustering hothead. I don't know you and don't know if that description fits you or not - but it's just a suggestion. I know that most of the men in my family would just charge in and try to "fix" any given situation, oftentimes without even knowing all the facts.

Personally, I would be happy to know that my mother is safe and being taken care of by trained professionals. In May, or whenever you return, you can always change the living arrangements.

If the social worker works in the hospital, I'd call Adult Protective Services. They are there to help and can asses the situation. You can contact the local Area Agency on Aging for information and eligibility criteria for in home services. If you mom also had other help coming in, it would be good. Friends and other family can visit and assist also. I have seen this happen before, sometimes there are valid concerns. If your mother is in her right mind, she has a right to make her own decisions. Speak with the social worker at the nursing home, she can also assist with discharge planning and should know about the available services in the city where your mom lives. Ask for contact info for the local long term care ombudsman, the ombudsman is an advocate for those in long term care facilities, the ombudsman can give you information and can assist in advocating for your mom's rights. You can also contact legal aid. I hope it works out, good luck.

If you are POA, you can go there and sign her out. As her son, you can probably do it without POA, but I think you'll need to come home for this. Good luck.

Thanks everyone, very much appreciated.

WorriedSon,

To simplify things for you, here is the link to the page on this site where you can search for an Elder Lawyer where your mom lives by zip code.or city and state.

https://www.agingcare.com/Elder-Law

I'd also suggest going to see the military chaplain for support in this chaotic time.

Try to get into an information gathering mode before springing into action without the whole picture. Your mother is being cared for. You will return home in May.

There is still more information to gather as well as to process and you have the time to do that between now and when you get home. What is currently hazy will become clear and then you will see what all of her needs and your options for dealing with them are in a manner that will not throw either one of you under the bus so to speak.

She'll be ok and you'll be ok. It's just a very unnerving process to work through and develop a plan for.

Take care.

Worried, I'm with CM on this. Please talk to the sw at the nh home if you are able. If you have to retain a lawyer, please find a certified elder affairs practioner who understands the issues.

Thanks for the replies. I will be back home in May and hopefully can take care of my mother myself. She is just a elderly person that needs assistance not taken away. I will be hiring a attorney this morning.

I agree with Babalou, that there must be much more to this whole situation and that your first line of approach is contacting the social worker before spending money on a lawyer.

It sounds like adult protective services in San Antonio got involved and after a few visits decided that your mother's health required an emergency guardian to handle her medical care and are probably managing her finances as well.

Something must have triggered them to have moved as quickly as they did to move her into a place where she would have 24/7 care. This may be only a temporary move to get her stabilized until other arrangements can be worked out.

How long have you been gone from the states? When did she last see her doctor and did the doctor say anything about her living by herself at home with only people visiting her as much as possible?

How recent did her blood sugar get out of control and the social worker have your mother placed in a facility? Is it difficult to reach you in your work with Socom? Did your friend tell the social worker that you are her son and are oversees with Socom in Afghanistan?

You can search for an elder law attorney form this site to find someone to contact. They need to be your contact person to find out the whole story, get back with you and create a plan as to what to do next until you return to the states.

There's really not a whole lot you can do while you're in Afghanistan. How much longer will you be there?

Adult protective services does have the authority to do that for elderly whom they perceive are at risk either because of self-neglect or the neglect of others not providing the level of care that the medical people perceive that they need at the time.

I don't know why the social worker did not contact you. Nor does it make sense that they told your friend not to intervene and threatened them with jail.

Is there a family member who lives in the area who has medical and durable POA for her that was overseeing her care while you are oversees? If so, it sounds like Adult Protective Services has overtaken those responsibilities.

If you are her POA, then there was no one there with the durable and medical authority to deal with that emergency and so in your being absent, they must of deemed in necessary to just step in and take over.

I don't know why all this went down like it did, but my gut reaction to this is there must be more information about this and to find that out will take hiring a lawyer.

Take care and keep in touch.

There are different definitions of "fine". To most casual observers, my mom is "fine" but if a clinically trained person asks her questions that assess her reasoning ability, you see a different picture. Hope this works out for the best.

Or does one of your friends or godmother have HIPAA authorization ? If you mom has a lawyer, you might contact that person to try to sort this out.

In your view, your mom has mental capacity, but for whatever reason, was not able to manage her diabetes on her own and not able ( or willing) to ask your friends for help. For right now, she's safe at least. Are friends and godmother visiting her? Being on site, they might be able to find out if there is a guardian involved.

I will do that. Just waiting for US hours of operation. Part of your statement is the issue tho. I have 3 people that see her on a daily basis that can attest she is mentally fine. A social worker that has not spent any significant time with her has been able to legally force my mother out of her own home.

Are you on mom's HIPAA form? If not, NH can't talk to you. Call the social worker at the nursing home to find out if you mother has been declared incompetent, has been appointed a guardian by the state and who signed her into the nursing home.

The social worker has never answered her phone. She simply does not pick up. The nursing home only knows that my mother is diabetic and elderly. I am waiting for 9am US time to contact them again. One thing I do know for certain is that my mother has all of her mental capacity and does not wish to be there. I was just home not too long ago.

Have you spoken to the social worker, or to the administration of the nursing home to ascertain the facts? With all due respect, I think you need to find out the other side of this story.