My mom is focused on her pet. How do I deal with this?

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My mom had mid-stage dementia and lives with me. She has a miniature pincher and lives for Molly, her dog. It's a constant question of "has she been fed", "what was she fed", "who fed the dog", over and over about every 10-15 minutes. If we tell her Molly has, then she argues with us because she doesn't remember. If we tell her to feed the dog and Molly doesn't eat (because she's already eaten), mom will stress over her being sick and upset. We've tried charts, which my mom won't believe because she thinks we hate Molly and wish she would die. I'm at a loss as to how to deal with the constant repeating. Mom doesn't like to leave the house because she's afraid Molly will get upset. I love dogs, but I'm getting frustrated with this one due to the issues she causes me. Molly could be a nice dog, but my mom dotes on her to an unhealthy degree. My Mom has said that she would die without Molly and she is the only reason mom doesn't kill herself. How do I deal with this situation? I would love dearly to get rid of the dog. I have an older dog of my own and the constant feeding of Molly creates friction between the dogs. Molly is fed in my mom's bedroom, but my dog will lay outside her room to try and sneak in to get the food that Molly doesn't eat. It's a constant watching the dogs, and the questions about feeding Molly, and I'm tired.

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Mother and I both spoil her cat. It used to be mine. Mother was in Independent Living and I was living in Colorado visiting every 3 months to take Mom to Dr. appointments, shopping, etc. My Grandaughter and her family were taking care of the cat and my home. When they moved, I came back to take the cat to Colorado. Me and the cat stayed at Mother's for a few weeks before we left. They grew very close. The cat stayed with Mother instead of going back to Colorado with me. Mother is in her 90's. She was having difficulty taking care of kitty and taking meds by herself, and she was having some confusion about what day it was, etc. Her apartment was cleaned once a week and that was not enough to keep Kitty's litter box clean. Mother asked me to come back. I did within two weeks of leaving Kitty with her in January of 2015. Kitty is a Godsend. The three of us have been through a minefield together at Mother's old senior "rouge" facility. They forced Mother out of her apartment and in to Personal Care where neither myself or the cat were permitted to stay with Mother. Mother was injured and declined significantly from their negligence and abuse. I was drug through the mud. They tried to hush me up. There is a history of massive dysfunction in my family with a brother and cousin who barely saw or communicated with my Mother and they started calling the shots together with the facility without my Mother's consent or my consent, I am Mother's POAof Health Care.. much to the dismay of my Mother and myself. Mother, kitty, myself are all grateful to my son who saw the injustice and he managed to get Mother moved to a better facility that is heavenly. Brother finally saw the light when money started flying out of Mother's funds for private Duty Nurses Aides when she needed the care when my hours were cut. Each day is a blessing in the new facility. Kitty cuddles with Mom much of the time. I have hundreds of pictures of them both. Mom likes to look at the pictures. Mom is in bed a lot now. Kitty is right beside her. They hold onto each other. Kitty wakes me up several times a night for me to get up and put food in her dish. Mom wakes me up when she has to go to the bathroom. I am grateful we are all safe here. We take kitty to the groomers for a lion cut, kitty gets medicine 3 times a day just like me and Mother. Mother doesn't miss any appointments for Kitty. My son or his wife stay with Mom so I can go to church or shopping and we get to see the great great grandchildren often. They love Kitty too. This is the close loving family I have always wanted and kitty is right there in the center of everything. My advice is to quit fighting it and shower your LO and their cat or dog with love. Dog spelled backwards is God and cat is ______. They offer unconditional love.
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Hi all pet people responders. Just got back from our nightly walk. Gave them baths. Dried them. Brushed their teeth. Wiped their gums. Sounds like infant/ toddler care. Yesterday was so good. My mom for once didn't repeat. She had been out with a friend for a few hours. Oh welll. Back to normal. The repitition. The total lack of maintaining knowledge of which dog has which collar. Going back to my decision of 2 days ago. Dissociate. Dissociate. Dissociate. Just trying maintain my patience. Going downstairs to clean. Heaven help us all
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Hi no advice just much the same here. Moms not repeating every 10 minutes yet but I'm sure we'll get there. Right now it's 2-3 times in an hour & then again in 3/4 hours. Did he eat? Does he have water? He's hot, He's cold, He's bored.... he's an 80lb indoor German Sheppard. She doesn't like him "trapped" in the back yard or in the house all day so as soon as she awakens she opens the front door & lets him out. No fence--just out for his walk. She's done this for the 10yrs of his life, the letting free part. The constant speculation on his moods & desires has started about a yr ago along with the dementia moving along. Everyone has tried to stop her from letting dog run free for the whole 10yrs. We've been blessed he's a friendly dog in a neighborhood where loose dogs aren't rare. Now that I'm living with her I'm right behind her bringing him back inside & very vigilant that he remains inside or in the backyard. The place he holds in her heart is evident now that due to CHF she is fluid restricted & she pores water into her hand for him to drink! Silly dog drinks it! Her liquid is precious to her but she'll share with him. I'm sure as dementia disease progresses things won't be so easy to deal with.
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Thanks. These guys aren't over weight. They run around a lot . They spend a lot of their day waiting for other dogs that are being walked by their " humans " to go bark at them
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If my memory serves me Triki Woo" was prone to "Flop Bot" which brought the vet to the house for frequent visits. Not only did she pay her bills she also sent treats for "Uncle Herriot" from Harrods.

As far as the diabetes issue is concerned by all means take them to the vet for testing but a sure sign of a dog with diabetes is copious drinking water and not being able to hold their urine. We had german shepherd with it and managed to keep her going for five years which 30+ years ago was quite a feat because you had to test her urine to determine the amount of Insulin to give. These days you can prick a pad and test like a human.
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Wasn't Trikki-Woo a Pomeranian, Erin?

You won't have a clue what I'm talking about, sorry - there was a series of books written under the pseudonym James Herriot about the life of a vet in rural Yorkshire in the 1930s onwards, much later made into a film and a tv series called All Creatures Great And Small. Extremely funny.

Anyway, the local grande dame in the series, whose name escapes me, had a terribly spoiled lap dog called Trikki-Woo which she loved to excess, fed all sorts of unsuitable treats on top of a staple diet of chicken breast poached in cream, and worried about endlessly - very good news for the practice's bank balance but not such fun for the dog, because Mrs Trikki was too soft-hearted to follow the vet's strict instructions about diet and exercise. I can't remember how it came about, but at some point Trikki had to go and stay in the vets' household along with the vets' own dogs - a rapscallion bunch of rough and tumble collies, retrievers and so on.

And of course Trikki was transformed. By the time his stay was up, he was racing around with the rest of them, coat gleaming (if a bit twiggy and muddy), muscle tone of an Olympian, eyes bright, all his ailments forgotten.

So I'm extremely glad to hear about the walks, and long may your mother be able to join in with them too! I suspect that perhaps one reason Poms may be prone to diabetes is that they are also prone to having owners who disregard their need for exercise and allow them to become obese. But a dog is a dog is a dog, hunting pack animals by nature, and it makes no difference whether they're knee-high to a grasshopper or three foot tall at the shoulder.
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You are welcome Sunnygirl. They are very pampered Pomeranians. I clean both of their teeth and gums daily. They are on vet prescribed soft food to aid in digestion. I think I go a little overboard in their care. Meaning I read Poms are prone to get diabetes. I was wondering why our vet hasn't screened for that. Well, because they have no symptoms. They give my mom and me great joy. They are very loved. They also need their daily walks and even though my mom can drive me nuts on these walks , it's something we do together , every day. It's great for her to get off of the couch and move. Doesn't hurt me either. I'm sure it's something I will be thankful for when ever she moves on to the next world , because she really enjoys it. The dogs do too . LOL.
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Thanks Erin, that makes me feel better to know the dog is protected.
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For me, Grammy made the crucial point - that if she wasn't obsessively repetitive about the dog, she'd pick the next most obvious thing instead. This aspect of dementia, the repetition, is incredibly stressful for the caregivers and observers and I hugely sympathise - Teepa Snow's techniques, I believe, are as good as any when it comes to not letting them drive you up the wall.

Meanwhile, though, since you can't easily make things worse than they already are, one additional related source of concern you can do something about; and that's the dog's diet. Remove the food from your mother's bedroom and insist that both dogs in the household share mealtimes together in a more appropriate place. There will be a heck of a row about it, to begin with certainly. But at least it will make a change from the churning discussion about whether or not the dog's eaten; plus it will allow you to ensure the dog is being fed consistently and properly; plus it will remove - eeuw! - dog food and detritus from your mother's sleeping quarters.

How about, getting some soft throw toys for your mother so that she can play with Molly instead? Or one of those puzzle balls with treats inside, even?
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My first thought is that many people dote on their pets that don't have dementia. And when the doting becomes obsession, it's not healthy for the person and especially for the animal. The animal depends on the person for everything, like a small child would be. I think that your mom needs a full work up with a geriatric doctor and see if pharmacuticals could bring some relief for every one involved. It might help if she were in some kind of adult daycare. I think the dog would be more relaxed and happier and so would your mother. Your mother would have something else to divert her attention and would probably obsess less with the dog. The dog deserves to be happy and relaxed too.
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