My mom fell two days ago. We made the decision not to call the doctor, but now I am feeling terrible I didn’t take her. Any advice?

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She is super frail and I am surprised she didn’t break anything. We made the decision not to call the doctor. I knew she’d be sore but now I am feeling terrible I didn’t take her.


My husband had just had surgery and was having a hard time. Between him and other issues I made the decision not to have her checked out.


NOW I feel I made the wrong decision. She has insurance and Medicare. I am worried doctor will put her in a hospital or nursing hone where she will catch germs.

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Patticake, the procedure I'm thinking of is called vertebroplasty. Part of consenting to any procedure is knowing what they want to do and why, that's why it's called INFORMED CONSENT - if you don't understand what they are proposing and can't find info on line about it then they aren't doing their jobs.
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Another update on mom. I decided there had to be more to her back then her complaining so I took her back to the doctors. He x rayed higher on the back (T12) and sure enough their is a crack. Doctor wants to do some kind of shot that will help heal the crack. I’m nervous about this. I am not wanting her to have the crack but it sure changed my attitude in caring for her so much more. Thank you for listening.
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cwillie Sep 14, 2018
Is this where they inject some kind of "glue" in the vertebrae? I first read about that here on AC, judging by how well it worked for others it sounds like a good treatment option!
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Won't she use a walker/rollator? I think this is something you need to insist she uses!
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Patticake2 Sep 12, 2018
Yes I have the nicest walker out there. Canes etc. She is so frail and weak it seems it works better for me to help her as she doesn’t have the strength to push it.
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Ok this is an update. Mom is not improving. When she is with others she looks better but with me she is hanging on walls and looks like she is a marionette doll. I truly think she wants attention more than a need for a doctor.
My daughter is having an oral cancer scare and I am going to doctors with her. Today a team of specialist are looking at her. My husband promised me he would rest from his surgery and just be here for mom so I don’t worry. I have meals prepared so if mom just will get to bathroom without falling ... it will be good.
I have someone lined up for mom but they just couldn’t do today.
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You’re human. You’re ONE person dealing with multiple situations at the same time.
You assessed the situation, determined there was no immediate danger or emergency, and triaged the other situations. You did the best you could at the time. If snd when you see that the situation has changed, or not improved, then you can deal with it. Don’t beat yourself up! Look forward- because that’s the direction we are all going👍🏼
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Reply to Dadsakid
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I feel guilty too Patticake,still,even though Mother has been gone 2 and a half years now.Mother had ,had a hip replacement and was in the hospital rehab 21 days and she had worked so hard with her Physical therapy every single day.When we got home though,the first thing she did was to fall backwards over the coffee table.I should've taken her right back to the hospital,but she begged me not to,so I didn't.I was tired of the hospital too.She said she was alright,but a bump formed on her back and never went away.We joked and called it her "butt bump",but really it wasn't funny at all.
I wish I'd have taken her anyway,even though we both didn't want to go.
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Thank you for your support! I did take her to the doctors and she didn’t break or fracture anything. I am so glad that I know that. Joann 29 I think what you said about her not being able to discribe the pain is accurate. Even though mom’s dementia is relatively mild (?). I question my wording, ha! My daughter and I think her fall and confusion is related to mom losing her last sister and grandson in the last month. Mom can’t seem to accept their unexpected deaths. She now wants me to wait on her as I am doing for my husband who had major surgery. I will remember what you each one said. Thank you again.
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When Mom was in an AL she was taken to the er 4x in 4 consecutive months for falls. She broke nothing each time. I told them to stop sending her without a call to me first. They said she had complained of pain. Yes, right after the fall. Aren't you in pain after a fall. A Dementia patient can't discribe the pain. I asked that they give her a while. If she constantly complains or shows she is having pain, the send her out.

One way they can tell if there is pain is by her blood pressure. If its high, it could be caused by pain. I have a nurse in the family that could check Mom out when the ALs nurse was not there.
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Hi Patticake..I had the same thing happen to my mother, waited a couple of days, decided that the soreness was probably not normal, ended up taking her to Er and she had fractured her pelvis in two places. I would definitely take your mom in.
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Reply to JulesNeedsHelp
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It's OK that you didn't take her at the time, I'm sure that you looked her over and didn't feel the urgency, but now in hindsight, you feel that she does need to be seen by her Dr, just to be sure. Remember, we are not Drs, we do not know everything, but you are doing the right thing now, by having here seen to, and to make sure that everything is OK.

Try not to feel guilty, that will not accomplish anything. Just like newborn babies, old people, and especially those with Dementia do not come with a instructions manual, so cut yourself a break, and get her evaluated now, to make sure she hasn't fractured any bones. You were doing your best at the time to prioritize the issues you had going on at home, it's going to be alright! Like others have mentioned, perhaps it's time for Mom to go into a Supportive Senior Living environment, such as a Nursing home, as you've got a lot going on at home.
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