Mom (95) refused to leave her home two years ago. Then she fell and laid on the floor for 6 hours before a neighbor found her.

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I am the closest to her in distance ( 4 hours). My sister lives 10 hours away. Bottom line, with her injuries, need for rehab, and dementia, I brought her to live near me. She lives in a very nice assisted living facility. She had a nice savings account but after two years it is dwindling down and soon we will have to put her on Title 19 or Family Care. She currently lives in a cute one bedroom apartment. In order to qualify for Family Care, she will have to move to a studio apartment. There are cute studio apartments right in the facility that she is currently living in. My problem is the guilt I feel. About 30 years ago she had her house put on mine and my sister's names with the exact reason that she wanted us to have it when she died. That was to be our inheritance. We have recently sold her house and my sister and I have split the proceeds. (It is NOT a lot of money.). Well, my sister has been recently widowed and that little inheritance is very helpful to her. I have recently retired and that little inheritance is in my savings account to help with my retirement, My issue is this.....the guilt I feel if mom has to go on Family Care or should I use up my inheritance to put towards her one bedroom apartment so she won't have to move to a studio apartment? Do I respect her first wishes that her daughter's have the house money or should I go back to work to pay the difference it would take to keep her In her one bedroom or take my inheritance to use on her rent? Any advice would be so welcome.

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that's how far away I was from my parents, when my dad fell but was able to get back up, but was the beginning of him getting extra help, original idea was to sell his house to move to assisted living, all he had to pay for it with at that point, since - and part of why this way - he'd dwindled his savings to his grandson that he then thought could move in with him and help him, which he did eventually do, though not sure gs realizes yet what he'd done re the money all those years, but because of that dad made sure I got his house and what little (amazing how that can be a relative term; I'd love to know what op's house sold for and what condition it was it; dad's is considered uninsurable now; he was grandfathered in on his under old guidelines before all the storms of the past few years; realtor says he's seen houses denied over one shingle blown off, which there is, along with general disrepair as he aged) he did end up having left, in spite of gs trying to get him to sign house over to him for being there and taking care of him plus he's continued to live in the house, paying the bills, true, somewhat keeping it up but also tearing it up as part of that process as well, now wanting to leave it and move somewhere else but wanting/needing the money to do so, so....
anyway, have the situation re life tenancy/estate re property left to us of hub's dad's with it for his mom - just learned of the value portion re her age for her; were going to begin to find out about all that re her Monday, especially since she's now remarried but her new husband's sister's just passed away, just wonder about her situation; know she was forced out of her home
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Four hours is not close. Not a judgment, just an observation. How is this working out for you?
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She put it in your names but did she retain life tenant status? Some states assign a value to life tenancy. We were told that if we sold the house, mom was entitled to a portion based on her age. We live in NY.
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GA -- it's still her house? What? You take the legal steps necessary to give something away and it is till yours? That makes no sense.

I guess we need to know whether Mom was still on the deed, too, or if it was completely signed over to the daughters.
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Windy raises a good point about having sold the house, especially if you have to apply for financial assistance for your mother. It might be viewed that the money rightfully belongs to your mother, even though title was transferred 30 some years ago. Still, it was her house, even if it was gifted.

Are you and your sister still able to work? That would be my choice. You're likely going to live much longer than your mother, so I would use the proceeds from the house sale for her care to help make her last years more comfortable.

Again, this is a judgement choice; I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

Nor do I think you need to make a hasty decision as this clearly is an emotional decision to have to make.
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If you and sis have owned the house for 30 years, there is no legal issue with you selling it. It was yours. The transfer happened way outside of the look-back period.

I don't know what Family Care is, but in regard to a studio vs a one-bedroom apartment -- your Mom's 95. What is important to her? My 95 year old mom likes her nursing home room "cute" and we keep it seasonally decorated for her. But she doesn' even know (or care) that she has a roommate. They recently repainted all the rooms. Mother didn't even notice.

Before I'd feel guilty I'd think carefully about what MOM wants or cares about, and not base my feelings on what I think I'd want in the circumstances.

You mom planned ahead. She saved a lot of money for her old age and she also was able to give her daughters something of value. Give her credit for doing this. It was her choice. If the house had been put in your names 2 years ago and that was going to interfere with her eligibility for help now, I'd have a different opinion of what you should do. But as it is, I'd say respect her choices and be grateful she saved enough to be self-pay for several years.
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I know my Dad said he didn't plan to live this long [94] thus he is using much more money for his care then he ever thought would happen. He and Mom saved big time, were fugal to a point of being ridiculous at times. Thank goodness they did save, as now Dad [Mom since passed] is in a very nice retirement facility.

One question, when did you and your sister sell your Mom's house? Was your Mom's name still on the Deed? If it was, and you sold the house within the past 5 years then 1/3 of the proceeds need to go to Mom for her care.

If you find you are able to keep your inheritance, it is up to you to do with it what you want but check with an Elder Law Attorney first. Your Mom is 95, and she could easily live another 3 or 4 years. Thus, eventually she will need to move to a studio apartment, either it's now or later.
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You may be in a pickle legally by selling the house and using the money. You should talk to an attorney.

I think this is very common. My Mom is very upset when I tell her their savings and proceeds from their real estate will be used for their care. If there's any left over I would have some inheritance. Parents want to provide for their kids. It's normal parental instinct. But I would feel really crappy scrimping on my parents care to preserve my inheritance. I understand you situation and I don't mean to judge you, this is what your mom wanted but you'd better check out the legalities of your situation.
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