Mom fell again yesterday and my siblings didn't see anything wrong. Any advice?

Follow
Share

While setting at the table she hollered out that she was going to Cry and 2 of my siblings told her if she did they would leave(It's Mother's Day). Most of the time we were there she talked out of her head and I was the only one, it seemed, that was listening to her. She's getting so much worse.
I know I cannot get my siblings to listen or care that's pretty much determined a long time ago. But where do I go from here? Do I call the Protective Service because Mom is falling all the time?
Talking with the siblings has done more harm then good because they tend to call each other and by the time it gets back to me it's totally different then what I've said plus they tell Mom and it gets her all upset. I've tried a group meeting and everyone just gives different opinions without addressing the issues at hand. I even made a list of what the problems were...and they still argued about them. I just have to walk away and do whatever I can for Mom(which is a lot) without any help.
By the way, when Mom fell yesterday she was taking out brownies from the oven and they fell on the floor. I asked her not to bake/cook anymore and she said that the doctor did not tell her she couldn't.
Thanks!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
4

Answers

Show:
You aren't going to get any assistance or cooperation from sibs based on what you've told us --so accept that. Now decide how much you are willing to do. Will mom accept some hired assistance a couple days a week for a few hrs. Can she afford it? Are there church folks who act as elder companions willing to visit mom couple days a week, help her with errands, have lunch with her, etc?

Otherwise, YOU do what you can, set boundaries on which days you will come and visit mom, grocery shop, dr visits, etc. and stick to it. "Mom, I will come every Thurs eve and we will go out to dinner". "Mom I'll come every other Sunday afternoon and we'll visit." Period. Then stick to it. Give MOM a call list and put other sibs numbers ahead of yours. If mom calls you, ignore and see if she calls "Mary" and then Mary can call you with the lowdown.

As others have said before, only you can allow yourself to be the doormat. They may not help...but only you can answer for you.

Plan for yourself and start researching future care for mom. Understand all your options and the cost. When the crisis happens, you can take action. Then let sibs know, that all care expenses comes out of the estate and everyone will be relinquishing their fair share.

If you want, start now and start documenting mileage, hrs spent with mom, travel time, etc. keep good records, and in the end --deduct it from the estate and add to your share.

I suggest you talk with mom and understand wills, DPOA, AMD, investments, bank accts etc and find out who mom has selected to manage her affairs should something happen...then get copies and keep in safe place.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

From your comments it sounds like your mother is living alone and you are trying to take care of her as best you can from your home and your mother is not doing anything to help herself or listening to you. That is the situation my sister and I have with our mother in independent living and she is also stubborn as you know what. Your siblings sound very selfish and uncaring. Fortunately my sister and I share the visiting and helping but the situation is the same - Mom is unsteady, not helping herself, refusing help or listen, etc. Mom is in her late 90's, refuses to move to assisted living, refuses to use a walker (which she needs desperately). Many times she staggers and we have to catch her so I am sure she falls in her apartment but doesn't even remember it. She says she will kill herself if we move her and we have finally given up and decided that if this is what she wants, we can't do any more than shopping, laundry, cleaning, finances and take her to lunch, etc. This is the way she wants to go. If you can get your mother to agree to move into assisted living, that would be great, or maybe hire part time assistance. It doesn't sound like your siblings will ever be of help, so I'd forget even thinking about them. If she is really difficult and stubborn you probably wouldn't have any better luck if you lived with her anyway. My sister and I agreed that either of us living with Mom would ruin our lives and our health and she would be no different, no happier and no better off. I send you hugs and wish you strength!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yesterday, three of us got up and left the table because mom was in one of those moods. It's called a tantrum, just like a 5 year old. From here, you start taking turns going to the doctor with her, and you let the MD know she is falling, with dates she fell and what she was doing. If she still has a car, you take it away. You each take a day of the week to check on her and you compare notes at least weekly. You can call APS, but unless she is living in filth, they won't do much.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm confused.

Your profile says that you're caring for your mom but from what you wrote it sounds like you were visiting your mom yesterday? And while you were there she fell?

Where and with whom does mom live?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.