What to do when your Mom falls in love with a married man in assisted living?

I am just amazed at all of the posts in regards to my mothers situation! Everyone seems to be on the same page as I am!! Well I called his family and spoke with the son. He said that they were not happy with the situation with their dad and my mom and that they don't want any hanky panky going on! Their mom is in anther facility and doesn't remember Herb now, but she is still alive! I told him that I understand how he feels and that their dad is a very respectful nice man who met my mom and she makes him happy and I feel they are good for each other and that aren't doing anything wrong! and that he told me he would never hurt my mom, that he is still married and he is a man of his word and there won't be any wrong doings. He enjoys holding her hand and sitting in the couch together holding hands! Awe...he so loves my mom! She is so happy and he even resembles my father! any hoot! We agreed on: no going to each other's rooms alone, they can still have thier meals together, do activities together, spend time out in the living room and common areas. Just plan and simple! I am putting it in writing and taking to them tomorrow so they can show the staff and start treating people with respect! The other jealous ones can get over it😍. Even love at this age has boundaries! ❤️❤️

that sounds like a usa thing -- everybody trying to impose their phony morals on other people . id suggest to staff to respect the privacy of closed doors unless theres reason to think someone is in danger .
if the two lovebirds are lip wrestling in public tho thats just annoying if theyre 18 yrs old or 90 .

i cant for the life of me imagine romance at the age of ninety . i imagine more of a trade pact . like , " look , put your clothes back on and ill make ya some breakfast. deal ? "

Read about Sandra Day O'Connor ' s husband, who had dementia. He became infatuated with a lady in his AL and apparently, everyone was sensible enough to leave well enough alone. I question the competency of the senior staff if they've never had to deal with this issue.

Were you ever in the wrong church !!! Just keep one thing in mind: regardless of the shysters, Jesus loves you more than you will ever know. God will deal with them. They will look back and wonder if the cons were worth it. Take care. Verna

This reminds me of something that happened the other day. Someone mentioned a local preacher was having some problems. I said, "Oh, no. Who did he kill?" Silence... but it broke into laughter pretty fast. Every time we turn around down here it seems that some preacher is killing someone -- wife, lover, adversary. Still, I do need to learn to bridle my tongue. Not everything I think needs to come out my mouth. :-O

Love, attraction, lust are all feelings that give us a natural high.
Embrace it, tell your mom not to be embarrassed, support it and remind her the other old ladies are just jealous.
No reason either her or her love interest should not partake the few joys left.
Have them both tested for STDs....known fact elders are the fastest growing population for STDS!

Deborah, I feel compelled to answer you here, unfortunately not because I have answers for you (babalou is right....senior staff can't deal w/this....unbelievable and you should challenge them on this)....but because I have been going thru similar situations w/ my Mom.....she's 93 and drop dead dead gorgeous....looks about 75, maybe....always puts on her makeup (minimal) and very cute outfits (totally appropriate) and is very sociable. She has mild-mid dementia.....she was a musician and dancer and loves a "party" (never smoked or drank).....; she just loves a good time....anyway, my Mom is a magnet for men in her ALF....BUT, my Mom, thank God, never developed a " love" relationship"....however, I have been thru several uncomfortable situations where the "gentleman" was in love w/Mom and at the same time married....jeez...I don't wish that on anyone .... I actually made a deal w/a lovely elderly gent who wanted to visit Mom "after hours"....that I would wheel him back to his room, put him to bed, make him tea....BUT under no circumstances could he visit Mom in her room .....This man's wife still lived in their home but was on dialysis ( in fact, I think that's why they put him in ALF....but not my business)....holy crap....just so many sad things....BTW....this was a beautiful ALF and no bad things should attach to them....point is.....this is real....elderly people develop attachments, just as we have in our youth....unfortunately, many of their "social filters" are now gone....Deborah....I know you need real help....I'll post to you....plz take care...J

Deborah...so glad you seem to have reached a resolution and very good luck to you. My mom's latest convo to me was that all 3 of her HS boyfriends were now w/her at her ALF ....highly unlikely since....#1. She is 93. #2. She grew up in Chicago but has/still does live in FL for 30 years. I visit her every 3 months....I was so nervous, last time, trying to figure out "who is this/ these guys", esp. because there are number of married couples there (Oh....plz....NOT)....I was in the elevator w/ a young, good looking, muscular CNA when he said to me...." You know, V***** thinks I'm her BF from HS....and I'm totally cool w/it....love her....she's a really cool old lady...". ....OMG....I admit, most embarrassingly, YES.....I just looked at him and basically screamed...."You mean it's you???.....And you are a REAL person .....and not one of her imaginary friends, or married REALfriends here?....OMG.....yup....she's 93 and thinks her male CNA at 30 something is her HS BF.....jeeez.....
Deb....only just realized, you are in Saginaw....I am in Troy.....just let me know if you want to talk, meet, etc.

Well today I faxed the letter to the ASF and then brought it in so they have the original on file. I have also made copies for our families. I really believe that they just didn't know how to handle the situation and were also worried about the licensing issues. I get it....but I just felt we needed to do something to ease the stress on everyone involved! When I looked for my mom while I was there, I found her and Herb in the other room as they were playing Bingo with everyone. I just looked at them both and saw in both their eyes such joy and happiness it almost made me cry! I'm just so so happy for my mom as she has gone through so much in her life! and to find love again, now! Makes me just want to scream out to the world, To Never Give Up On Love!! ❤️💏