Mom is end stage CHF. I can't stop crying. She's 89 and we've just reconnected. I can't be strong. Help. - AgingCare.com

Mom is end stage CHF. I can't stop crying. She's 89 and we've just reconnected. I can't be strong. Help.

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I don't have any strength left. They are sending her home with dopamine and morphine. I don't think I can do this. Help me to be strong.

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Even though your Mother is in her condition, you still deserve you. Try to focus on your health and well-being and then you will be good to her as well. My well wishes to you!
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That's an awesome idea, Kady - recording in her "real voice" will be such a gift after she is gone.
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I brought mom home from the hospital today with Compasionate Care (hospice for cardiac patients) They have eased a lot of my anxiety. It still seems so unreal. Mom seems to know wht is happening one minute and not the next. She is in as much of denial as I am. I started a project a few months ago that she and I are going to finish. I bought a recorder so that my children and my grandchildren can hear her tell the stories of what it was like to be a child of immagrant parents, to live through the depression, how she met grandpa and was mom really a brat when she was little. Thank you all for your support. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.
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Your wisdom is precious eyeirshlass. We are so glad you are here.I,again, am so sorry for your loss and so happy for you that you had the ability to say goodbye and tell him you loved him. You are right about how important that is in the healing/grieving process.
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I understand why people say, "Be strong". But there's nothing wrong with being a little weak now and then. It's ok to cry. It's ok to grieve even though she's still with you. It's normal.

You must be so grateful to have reconnected with your mom when it matters the most. It doesn't matter what happened before. You're with her now and that's all that counts.

Watching a parent live their last days is torture. I know. I lost my dad 10 days ago and I was with him constantly. Yes, it tore me up but I was able to be there for him and I'm so grateful for that. I wasn't there when he died but I know he knew how much I loved him. It was the very last thing I said to him, "I love you, dad." I don't know if he heard me or not, I like to think on some level he did, but I got to say it. How many people lose people they love and were not able to tell them they loved them before they died? It's truly a gift.

But cry all you need to. If you cry in front of your mom that's ok too. It's an honest and raw emotion and there's nothing wrong in that. Tell her what you need to tell her. Listen to her if she needs to talk. You've been given a gift although it may not seem like it now.

It's ok to hurt. It's ok to be scared. It's ok to be sad. Your mom is going through a process and so are you. Walk through it together.
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I have asked my mother questions lately that would have been so inappropriate even a few years ago.Who was a pregnant bride, who did time in jail, who had affairs, any secret children, any scandals..........she told me many stories of relatives and friends (all gone now)...and we laughed and laughed. A few of them really shocked me!
What I am saying is use humor and memories and flowers she can still enjoy NOW, and ice cream,and funny hats... whatever it takes to enjoy what time you have left together. These memories you will be making now are for you to have the peace ,knowing her last days were great ones.
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Use the time you have left to make her as comfortable as possible and relive old memories if she's up to it. Bring out the photo albums, ask her any family-related questions you can think of you want answers to (what was it like when she went to school? does she know where her great-grandparents came from? etc. ) Most importantly, WRITE IT ALL DOWN! Do you have children? If so, ask her if she can write them a letter to be read when they graduate/get married/have a child - whatever applies... something that will be special to them later. If "watching her pass" is too much for you, call her primary doctor and have him/her order hospice - they can walk you through the process and be a source of strength for you.
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Yes, you can be strong. What you are feeling bad about? Listen: It doesn't matter. Forget all that other stuff and just be there for Mom.
You can do it. Breathe. Vent and get it out. We are here for you ! :) xo
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