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Hello- my dad is home, in hospice, with pancreatic cancer. They have a caregiver, Tammy, she is Russian and wonderful but there is a language barrier. Mom doesn't have Alzheimer's but she definitely has moderate cognitive issues, short term memory loss, confusion, helplessness. She is 78. the thing is- I guess from the stress, or an exaggeration of her regular cognitive stuff- she is just so much worse. We're trying to spend time with dad and care for him (I work full time and to there on weekends and after work, sleep at my own house) but she is becoming the prime source of my angst and worry and stress. She walks around CONSTANTLY, room to room to room, picks things up and moves them (important care things that need to be readily accessible), again and again and again. She talks constantly, does not stop. Asks constant questions about dad, has he eaten, has he drank anything, has he napped. When I'm not there she texts me alarming things, ugh. last night- "dad wants his final dose of morphine and wants me to administer it". Um, what?? I just left 10 minutes ago! I told her to have Tammy give dad his nighttime meds and for her to go to bed. I'm sure she didn't. Meanwhile I didn't get a wink of sleep for worrying about her, him, the situation. Now today I'm exhausted and due back over there and dreading it. I guess I'd just like a little advice or support or just to vent. Thank you for listening.

So sorry that you are dealing with additional stress along with your father’s illness. Someone suggested speaking to your father’s hospice worker, good idea. They are used to seeing different situations and may have solutions for you.

You need to take care of yourself so you can care for them. God bless you and your family.
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neeniedith Mar 3, 2019
thank you so much.
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You need to get your mom tested for a urinary tract infection right now. Call her doctor and describe her symptoms. 911 should be considered.
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Mom is showing signs of Dementia. It could be extreme stress over the whole thing. Think maybe a doctor visit for her. Making a list of what you and nurse have seen. Maybe she can be put on a med for anxiety. Its not goid for her to be this way.
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neeniedith Mar 3, 2019
i did just take her to the doctor, yesterday. she is already on an antidepressant, i asked the doctor to also give her ativan. she does seem to have some dementia, the forgetting things, she is also on aricept. i do know it's not good for her to be this way.
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Speak with Tammy and ask her what she thinks you should do. In my experience, Hospice is there for the whole family, not just for the patient. If Mom is misplacing things that need to be readily available, take those things and put them someplace she can’t get them, like a locked cupboard, and give Tammy a key. Has Mom been evaluated for dementia? She has a lot of the signs. It also sounds like she has anxiety issues. Are there plans in place for her when Dad passes? She sounds very needy and if you’re thinking of moving her in with you, a rethink might be necessary.

You might want to consider taking a day off from visiting and letting Tammy handle everything for a day or so. Take care of yourself for that time. And, a call to Mom’s doctor would be a good idea as well.
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neeniedith Mar 3, 2019
thank you so much. mom does have dementia, but really really mild. she is on low dose aricept. she absolutely has high level anxiety, and is on prozac, and i just got a temporary rx for ativan for her, although the doctor said that can exacerbate wacky behavior sometimes, haven't given it to her yet. and yes, she is so needy. she's like a baby- wants everyone to make every decision for her, decisions she is quite capable of making herself, "should i sit here?", ugh. we are going to keep tammy on after dad passes, not the perfect solution as tammy doesn't drive, but she is truly wonderful with her.
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