My Mom (75) is really overweight but she been doing great with walker until now. What more can I do?

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Mom lives with my family/me in our home. I can not put her in a home! Shes my MOM! But i'm burnt out! I have NOBODY BUT MY HUSBAND & children helping! My marriage is suffering due to the tension I have. Im scared & Im tired! I have 2 siblings but one lives out of town the other just got CANCER FREE a mth ago! Thats IT no other help we also need financial help we are struggling due to OUR CHILDRENS ILLNESSES. My lil girl has Tuberous Sclerosis ( multiple tumors throughout organs) so alot of Hospital copays! My son has Autism & that alone can stress me out. I love my family but Im RUN DOWN! & NOW MOM BARELY WALKS, NOR WANTS TO DO THINGS, she is Bipolar/Depressive and a Narcissist! Im going crazy my medical issues are not that good either. I just can not handle much more! To top things my siblings are angry at each other for reasons that are pretty major. But its CHRISTMAS We should come together as a tiny family for MOMMA! I see her declining they care but apparently not much! Its ridi ulous really! We lost dad, our brother, & momma looks lil bad. I cant do it all! I just need advice on anyone who can give me a weekend break! & advice on How can i keep doing this all? Shes heavy & my back hurts, i have herniated discs already! If something happens to momma my conscience is clear we have beautiful moments sometimes! But i know i have been here 24/7 for her she knows too sometimes! At times this cute lil old lady makes me feel like TRASH!!! At TIMES!

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You have 2 special needs children! How can anyone expect you to care for a difficult needy parent as well. The guilt trip is typically if you love her you would take care of her. My response is, because you love your children and you know she does as well you need help with her hands on caregiving and you will advocate and look after her in a NH.
She has lived her life, please do NOT take a home off the table as it may be the only thing that saves you.

As for your siblings - if they have major tensions let them work that out - do not expect them to fake it for the holidays - all that does is make for very bad family get togethers.
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Cryssy02,
It's my niece who has TS. She has a tuber in her brain and on her kidney, but is doing much better than we ever expected when she diagnosed at 2 months. She's 4 now.

I am a type one diabetic. I'm not sure what your mom is, but if she's a Type one, it's a full time job to keep it under control. How are her levels. If they aren't good, it could cause other health issues. If your mom is a Type II diabetic, it may be possible that she could come off insulin and go onto pills if she lost weight. That is a full time job too. Along with caring for all your mom's other needs, plus your family's needs.....that's a lot.

I know you may not think finding a place for her is what you might want, but I would really explore what is available. Good luck. I wish you all the best.
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cryssy, you've been given some really good advice. I just want to add one other thing - your siblings are adults, their problems with each other are THEIR problems. It'll help you to not get drawn into their drama, since it'll take precious emotional energy from you. I know it's Christmas and everyone tries to make it special for families, but you don't need to be spending your time and energy trying to be the peacemaker for them. I realize that moving parents to facilities is really tough and no one wants to have to do this - we've had to do this with both of my parents. But the care they need and get is not possible by one person at home. Sometimes our options become limited, and they aren't pleasant ones, but it is what it is.
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Cryssy, the post from Sunny is spot on - Mom needs to be in a rehab facility or assisted living at the very least. It's the only fair thing for both you and her - for you, because you have too much on your plate already, and cannot possibly provide the care your Mom needs, considering her size - and for her, because she needs to be in a situation where she cannot run roughshod over those caring for her - because they won't tolerate it. They know how to handle her personality traits, and because they are not her daughter, they won't get their feelings hurt if she gets nasty with them.

I am caregiver to my own mother, who is very overweight (we're working on that), and deals with depression and other issues, so I know where you're coming from. She and I have had some very candid discussions about her future, and she knows that when she reaches the point of needing more care than I can provide, or when she becomes incapacitated to the point of requiring lifting, she will need to move to a nursing home or assisted living facility, because I cannot lift her, and I refuse to use a Hoyer lift in our home (because I don't want to hurt her). She understands that and agrees that when she reaches that point, we will have to find a place for her. Do I want to put Mom in a nursing home? No way. But will I, when the time comes that I can no longer provide the care she needs? Definitely. It will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I have to look past the emotional aspect of it and understand what is best for her.
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Thank you for all the quick responses! A little respect & understanding is exactly what this forum is for. Yes, she is on Insulin for her Diabetes i administer that in the morning and at night. I am going to look into ALL of my options. My very absolute LAST option will be to put her in a facility. SUNNYGIRL you are one of the first persons ro even know what Tuberous Sclerosis is, THANK YOU for caring.
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Correction to above posts. My loved ones diabetes is NOW under good control.
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I do feel for you in your situation. I have a family member with Tuberous Sclerosis, so my heart goes out to you in that regard too. You should be happy you were able to provide the care you have provided, but realize that it's now to a point that you need help.

Do you want someone to come into the home and help you or do you want to place your mom in a facility? Either way, you need some help. It sounds like things are just too much for you to handle right now. There's no shame in that. Caring for an elderly person with medical and mobility needs is a huge task. It's not fair to put that responsibility upon yourself. Plus, it's not safe to try to lift someone when you are not trained and don't have the proper assistance. You or your mom could really get hurt. I would summon the help of professionals immediately to see what she needs and where she can get that help.

I think you mention she has diabetes. With proper medication either with pills or injections and proper nutrition, this should be controllable. My loved one's diabetes was way out of control, but since she went into a facility where her meds are administered and her meals and snacks provided to her, her blood sugars are no within good control. This would help her overall heath. Some times family members tend to provide favorite foods that might not be good for their health.

Also, even with the large size, they might be able help rehab your mom and get her more mobile with therapy. They are equipped to get her into a tub for baths and help with her grooming.

She might also enjoy being with some people her age who aren't stressed and full of anxiety. I would at least explore to see what is available. Costs can be figured out. Some are private pay, but if she doesn't have the funds, Medicaid or state funds are normally available, especially for those who disabled. It sounds like she is elderly and disabled.

You can still provide your mom lots of comfort by visiting her if she's residing in a facility. You might be more relaxed and able to provide her more with emotional support too.

The other option is to get some help to come into the home a few hours per day, but then you still have to figure out how to get her up and down when they aren't around and also, what if she does fall? It sounds too risky to me.
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cryssy02, your husband, your marriage, and your children are your first responsibilities.

I'm sorry that your son has autsm, your little girl hasTuberous Scleoris, and that this is straining your family finances. I can't imagine what it is like having an elderly parent with her health issues on top of those your family is already dealing with, plus your own medical issues.

Does your mother have any money that would pay for some help? or would she qualify for medicaid so that she could go to a nursing home. Frankly, you have had too much on you to do 24/7 alone and she might outlive you. Then, what is going to happen?

I think the least of your worries needs to be over the division in your family and the biggest issue is getting your mother some other help so that you can get a break!

On your profile you say that your mother is mean and treats you like slave trash. This is also terrible. Do your siblings not care that she treats you like trash? Would you put up with this sort of treatment from your husband? Of course not! Find somewhere else for her to be cared for. She is destroying you and your family.
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