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She has chronic back pain (from lying in bed all the time) and getting towards end stage dementia. She is otherwise healthy; no diabetes, lung problems, cancer. Her long term care facility is an excellent one, and they work very hard getting her to eat, exercise and stay out of bed. But should she be made to do these things? Just because others think she should do more, is that our decision to make? But if we don't force her to do these things, she will deteriorate even faster. What is the right thing to do?

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Hospice can probably tell you if she is actively dying--transitioning is what I think they call it.
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You say your mum is getting towards end stage dementia. I think it would be worth discussing your feelings with the staff. Also is it time for hospice to be called in.
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Lynn, I believe that the facility has to do certain things as long as it is possible. If your mother were to stay in bed all day, her muscles would atrophy, and it would be much more difficult to take care of her. Staying in bed all day comes with discomforts all its own, e.g. fighting bed sores. I would be concerned about a facility that didn't feed or get them out of bed until the final days of life. It sounds like you do indeed have your mother in an excellent facility.
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My dad is 73, we came to know about him being dementia patient when he was 66. It was very hard for mom to deal with everyday tasks like getting him out of bed and feed. Currently he is living at Luvida Care Solutions, it has been 7 years since the diagnosis and he is doing fine.
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