I'm noticing that when we have discussions around day to day things - like paint and household things, often she's great but sometimes she doesn't understand basic things I approach her with. We end up with these circular conversations. In this case it had to do with matching an existing, in-the-can paint color, which she interpreted repeatedly as needing to buy new paint, leaving everything mismatched, etc, It's very frustrating. Then I realize how crazy it is for me to keep pushing her when sometimes she just doesn't understand. She does not seem to hear anything I say sometimes.I keep trying to explain whatever the issue is and go back to where the communication breakdown is (there's no need to use new paint, we can use our existing paint). I lose my patience and start talking to her like she's 5 but really it's passive aggressive anger. She doesn't understand, that's it. None of these approaches are getting either of us anywhere.
My adrenaline starts to rise as I start to feel angry and frustrated and the only thin g I can do is get out of the room and try to pack up my things to take with (lunch, purse, etc) to get out of the house before saying something regrettable, for awhile till I can put up with it again.
How can I respond more appropriately?
Yesterday she pitched a fit when I was using a piece of masking tape on something, going on that tape was so expensive, don't use it, and she went into this panic spin about it. Round and round. I recognized she was tired and managed to not argue or talk reason to her, and diverted her attention to something else in the room, then resumed what I was doing after she left. That seemed to work okay.
I"m just making myself angrier but trying to talk reason into her. But what do you do when there are things that need to be discussed?
Sometimes she's fine. Or better. Most of hte time she will shoot down anything that is proposed without really even understanding.it. It's very frustrating. You have to go through, NO, NO, NO, NO, (IRRATIONALITY), NO, NO, sometimes just to get to a basic yes. Mostly because she's overwhelmed with anything presented to her.
I hate this. All of it. Being here, dealing with this just all of it. On a good day it's not so bad. But it's really trying.
How can I respond in a more appropriate fashion ?
added thought: people have suggested getting her to a doctor but that doesn't seem to be a reasonable option at this time, other than her GP who is not really taking me seriously), so I'm trying to figure a way to do that. In the man time, what's the best way to handle it?