Mom doesn't like AL. Siblings are giving me a hard time about care & finances... Help!

At least, you don't have to deal with that bully of a sister anymore! She sounds like a headache.... but if she decides to criticize you again and wants you to take care of mom at home, then say "Ok, I want mom to be sent to your house and you take care of her. You're not obviously satisfied with the job that I am doing. " Let her run around, taking care of mom and let her experience caregiver burnout....She will be singing a different song afterwards.

The brother (whether he likes it or not) should be involved, too-It's his mother, too. If he doesn't get involved, then he could regret not spending enough time with her after she passes away.

I think your mom is having hallucinations or seeing things that are not happening or just making up stuff so she can get you to move her out of there.

Anyway, I agree with the other posters: Stick to your guns, don't let them control you. You're doing the right thing, even if your sister doesn't think so.

Stick to your guns - unless your sister would like to take on all you do and keep the records etc. In which case you have done some time so let her have a go - of course that means Mum lives with her!.

Sometimes being very forthcoming with costs does no good at all, as was my case. I was absolutely meticulous about keeping a spreadsheet and all receipts for four years as I knew it would blow up. When it did, court ordered an audit of finances and appointed a conservator for the audit. When audit was complete, conservator reported to the court there was nothing amiss, twisteds still did not believe this professional that there was no financial exploitation.

Over all that time, one receipt in the amount of $12.00 from Walgreens, was lost. Twisteds focused on that and never forgot about it. Some people just have to be right as a result of their vindictiveness and spite.

Well, firstly stop telling them everything Just the absolute essentialS. Start keeping an expense ledger and get out all those old receipts, write them up ,file them away and keep doing it

put you foot down and tell them to bugger off as you have POA and they do not.

Yes, I agree..Countrymouse, if we could all take turns smacking sister’s head...then that would be great! It probably still would not knock in any sense to her empty head!

You are the POA so you have been appointed to take care of mom’s finances. You are NOT required to give Sister an accounting of everything. If she were poa, it’s a different story. You are taking care of it. Period. Do not even take her calls anymore. You’re taking care of mom as you have hcp too. Do not take mom home. Hugs 🤗

I absolutely agree with the opinions of all posters below. I am so glad you are holding firm on the taking Mom home. Her monies were saved by her for her care, and are being used for that.
Something that might "work" for sister's needs to know (though probably not) is what I do for my bro. I manage his monies as I am both his financial POA and the Trustee of his trust. I pay all his bills. Just getting mailings coming to me, with everyone wanting a copy of POA and Trust documents is daunting. And I have a file that is "all his" in a very attractive wine box (!). Because my brother is rather MORE cognizant of everything than less, I make him a month statement of all monies coming into his trust (whether from SS or from CD interest) and all monies paid OUT each month. It is easily done once the grid is made on the computer. I have to keep these records ANYWAY, so there they all are. His copy he keeps in a binder. Were I to have a "questioning sister" as you do I would send HER a copy as well. That would be it. I would not discuss of argue with her, because I am in charge. Were she to want to take me to court, that's fine, as I could then present my records, copies and diary to the court.
And yes, as was said below, should your sister care to take on the care of her mother, in the interests of saving what she seems to see as her future inheritance, then do suggest she might like giving that a try.
I think the luckiest thing you have said here is that she has cut ties with you. As to convincing Mom, just tell Mom that at present you are unable but she might suggest moving in with Sister.
If the Sister would like to take on the POA and Mom would like that, give her the whole thing. You can take over being the gnat she is in everyone's tea.

I love Barb's response. If this keeps up, have your mother go live with the sister.

Your mother is doing what most do when they go to AL, they whine and complain to anyone who will listen, this being your sister, it is a manipulation tactic. If your sister thinks she can do a better job, let her take mom into her home, I can guarantee you, she will start singing another song.

Don't let your sister bully you into anything. She can either take mom in or move into mom's house and take care of her. Those are her options, otherwise, there is nothing further to discuss..is there?

If necessary, go no contact with your sister, let her harass your brother.

As far as the paranoid idea of stealing, it might go away eventually, but there could be another obsession to take its place, hopefully a less disturbing one. But if she has your sister's ear on the complaints, she will keep them up much longer. As for the sister, it would make things so much easier if she would be supportive. What about the three of you, brother included, getting some counseling together? I know the feeling of being overwhelmed with responsibility and then with your sister's attitude on top of it, this is too awful to stand for. Until you find help, try to put a little wall around you that detracts her demands, so that you can't even hear them. Do not engage with her, except to arrange counseling. Someone here will have suggestions on where to look for a professional who specializes in situations such as this.

Now that I've got over my initial outrage (see reply to BB, below)...

Your father died only six months ago, and everybody must still be very raw from that. So we must make certain allowances.

Was your mother living at home under your father's supervision up until then? How long has she been in her current ALF?

In the interests of charity I am assuming that your brother is hiding, and your sister is overcompensating. The important thing to do is put up your own emotional defences, and then carry on regardless until everyone has had more time to adjust.

Just one more question: your sister has cut ties with you, she is now "convincing mom that she should live at home" but you won't allow it - so if you're not in direct contact with your sister, are you getting this version of your sister's views from your mother? Doesn't mean it's wrong, of course, but it does mean you shouldn't necessarily swallow it whole.

By the way, unless your sister is included in the POA instructions, she has no more right to your mother's financial information than I have. It's important to keep those records immaculate, so well done there; and I would agree that sharing an overview of income and outgoings is sensible so that everyone knows what's what, but your sister has no business to demand it.

Yeah, I saw that. OP needs to call sister and say "Mom is going to come home and be cared for by WHOM?"

As in "Sis, you don't get to run my life".

By the way, you have every right to keep mom's finances private from your sister.

My brother was POA and I had no idea about what moms resources were, since that's the way she wanted it.

If mom no longer trusts you, perhaps it's time to move her to Sis's neck of the woods.

Your sister thinks mom should go home and be cared for by whom?

Does your sister have any idea what in home care costs, as opposed to AL?

Give her the numbers of some home care agencies and tell her she's free to call and set things up, but that YOU are not going to be involved; all emergency calls will go to her.