My mom is in a home and confused about who I am. She thinks I am her sister. Anyone else deal with this?

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This morning she told me that I could not be her daughter. She has some dementia and is in the past. Until these past two days it has not been an issue. I know who I am but to have your mom to tell that there is no way I could be her daughter really hit a raw nerve. As all of you know there are a lot of raw nerves.

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Yes, my aunt thought I was her sister (my mother was her older sister) but that worked out pretty well because she had a long history of listening to her older sister so I can sometimes get her to do things "just because". The psychiatrist told us not to get her together with the two of us as it might add to her confusion. But 4 years after I had charge of her and she had settled into accepting where she was living, I took her over to my moms because my mom wanted to see her. I just told her my mom with a friend. We live in the high desert, it was summer and very hot. We decided that I could go shopping and try leaving my aunt with my mom. When I got back, my mom told me my aunt had gotten testy with her and said, I don't have to do what you say, you're nobody to me. My mom, always quick, just immediately answered, well this is my house and you do have to do what I say, and my aunt complied.

You have to be an actress and get in contact with their reality. Anything else doesn't work. You'll never jog them back into our reality.
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In certain kinds of dementia it is common for the person to regress to points in the past. If your mother is now thirty years old in her own reality, then of course you cannot be her daughter. But you seem familiar and like someone she knows and perhaps loves.

Of course it hits a raw nerve. How very sad. Relate to your mom and whatever level she can accept you. You are someone who knows her very well, loves her, and does nice things for her. This she probably gets, even though she can't grasp the exact relationship right now.

She may not understand that you are her daughter, but you know that she is your mother. Continue to hold her in your heart.
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If this came on suddenly, time to check for a UTI.
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My heart goes out to you as I know very well how this feels. Yes, it does hit a nerve with me too and I've been hearing this for about a year now, off and on. I'm ashamed to say this but what upsets me is that I seem to be incapable of hiding my exasperation with Mom when she makes these comments. I know it's the disease and usually I can express compassion and be kind, but when Mom asks me if my mom is here or believes I am some long dead relative, I just can't help but get an exasperated tone in my voice and remind her who I am and that the other person passed away ____ years ago. (And she ALWAYS thinks I'm someone dead...) why does it bother me so much?

Right now my mom is in a downturn and seems to be getting worse very quickly. This makes me sad and sort of scared because I really love her and I've pretty much given up my life to make her life better. I used to view her slips as "temporary" and expected her to get better with good rest, etc. but now I know that each time she leaves a little, that much of her is gone for good and I just have to adjust. I hate this Alzheimer's Disease! It really kills everyone involved, one little piece at a time. I sometimes wonder what will be left of me when Mom is gone.

I share your feelings and I don't think we're alone. It is very hard when our loved ones' behavior becomes so obviously out of whack that we can no longer retreat to our denial. Maybe that's why I am upset by it. I hope you get some rest and are able to take a break from caregiving now and then. I believe respite is very beneficial to recharge and keep going. You'll be in my prayers tonight.
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