My Mom (78) had a severe stroke 2 months ago and does not want me to visit her in the place she is in. Any advice?

Scott, in addition to meeting with your caseworker tomorrow, you MUST get back on antidepressants and be under the care of a psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse practioner who can prescribe and monitor your meds. You are in no shape right now to judge whether or not you are depressed. You are. You're just going to have to take our word for it.

Thank you, Scott. That makes things clearer. Okay, it could be worse. It may take a couple of months for you to get supportive housing, and you have to be out of your mother's apartment in one month. The worst that could happen is that you spend a month or six weeks in a homeless shelter while waiting for supportive housing to be approved. Not good, but better than not being able to look forward to something better.

So here's what's critical: TOMORROW, schedule the reinterview with the intake person for the earliest date they can give it to you, and start the process going again. Since they already know you, maybe it will go faster than you think. Keep all appointments, fill out all forms, cooperate.

I'm not going to scold you about this, but, Scott, if you had started and followed through on this process when you first knew you would have to move, you might already be in your new home. Don't let the chance slip away again.

Keep on keeping on. It WILL get better.

Scott, you shared with us earlier than when you met with the intake person a while back that you were not sure if you have a mental illness and that is what you told them and they said they could not take you if you do not say that you have a mental illness. Now, you say that there is not enough time.

Well, there is enough time to at least get the process moving forward! You can start with meeting with the intake person for the housing program and then follow the process through while you live in a homeless shelter. I think this is your last option which you can act on now if you chose to.

Frankly, I'm tired of reading excuses and feel like you have been your own worse enemy. This discussion started back on November 27th of 2014. You could have met with the intake person then, gotten approved, met with the housing contractor and be in the 1 to 2 months of waiting for a vacancy now. However, that is not possible to change, just like it is not possible to change that you have a mental illness, your mother had a stroke three months ago, your brother has taken over her care, and you will be out of the apartment within a month. Good luck!

There isn't enough time. I need to reinterview with the intake person for the housing program and scheduling that could take a week or two. And then getting approved, and then meeting with the housing contractor, i think, and then waiting 1 to 2 months more for a vacancy.

No, it's exactly like I said. There will be no place to go in 4 weeks.

Scott, I think this is actually good news. You still have a month to solve your housing problem. I was afraid that you might be evicted in the next few days. Please tell us exactly what your caseworker said so that we can comment more constructively. Why is the homeless shelter your only option?

Scott choosing the least pleasant housing option is NOT going to make your mother want to see or talk to you. Your brother will simply be discusted with another poor life choice. he won't be feeling compassion or be inclined to help you when you won't help yourself. That is unless you are stringing us along to keep our interest. Many wonderful people are hoping for the best for you, offering excellent advice and spending valuable time and energy thinking of ways you can be helped. Don't disappoint us or more importantly your family, especially Mom.

Scott, give me a break.

Your caseworker can offer you help. If you refuse that help, or you refuse to meet the basic conditions attached to it, what do you expect? Is she supposed to beg you to let her help you? Wishing you good luck is pretty much the only thing you're allowing her to do.

Nobody wants to see you in a homeless shelter except, just possibly, you. And there is no need. Call your caseworker on Monday morning and ask her to guide you through the process. Follow her lead and you won't even have to think too hard about it. Just get yourself somewhere safe and take it from there.

I'm sending you my best wishes for this new year. I can't bring myself to celebrate it, exactly, because I'm in a pretty lousy place too, not feeling there's a lot to look forward to that I would want to happen if I were given any choice about it. But fact is, we don't get given any choice. So we might just as well make the best of what's in front of us. I'm sorry if I sound grumpy - I am grumpy, but not with you.

This is a hard time, but with or without us it is still a new year, a new calendar, and a good time to make another start. Here we go again! At least be curious about where you might be this time next year, and pick the least unattractive way forward.

Or are you saying that you're choosing not to pursue the supportive housing? It would be quite foolish not to, Scott. I think you know that.

I'm going to trust that you're not saying that you're going to a homeless shelter because it will make your brother feel sorry for you, or because you think it would serve him right if something bad happened to you there.

The only person you would be hurting would be you.

Scott, are you saying that the caseworker is saying that they can't find you supportive housing by then, or ever? Can your brother intervene, or can he postpone you're having to be out until the mental health housing comes through, if that's going to happen soon-ish?

I am very sorry Scott that so far the best you can come up with is a homeless shelter. Are you still in the process of trying to obtain housing for the mentally ill?

My brother told me I have to be out of the apartment by the end of January. the services in place in my case happen to be a homeless shelter. caseworker said good luck.

Hi, Scott. This is Linda. I hope the coming year brings you all the best life has to offer. We all care about you.

Hi, Scott, This is Carol, also hoping the coming year brings you good health and comfort. How are you?

Scott, this is Babalou, wishing you a happy NEW YEAR. I hope that you'll come back here and let us know how things are going.

I'm thinking of you along with the rest of our AC friends, Scott. I hope the New Year holds good things for you and it will if you get the ball rolling.

I know it's not the 'new start' you ever imagined for 2015, but it is, what it is. I'm praying for you tonight to find the strength within you to get the help you need. This can be a very good year for you. Stop the Craigslist search and allow the services in place to help. They have your best interests in mind.

Hi Scott - Thinking of you and prayers continuing. Three months after a loss whether it is death or another type of loss, feelings tend to surface again in a pretty powerful way. You are about at that point and facing a move shortly. It must seem overwhelming at times, but you can get through it. One step at a time. Hope work is going decently well.

Scott, it's bitter cold today here in the city. Hope that you're warm and well.

What's going on, Scott?

Or do you mean that the housing coordinator says they will have a place for you at the end of January? Keep telling us what's going on.

So, you have until the end of January to find a new place to live? I wish you the best in finding another place to live. Let us know what you find.

end of january

Hi Scott - how is the housing search going? I agree with babalou - sleep is essential to be able to cope the next day.

Scott, it's a beautiful day today. Hope you're calling your caseworker today!

Make sure that you get at least 8 hours of sleep a night, that's key for anyone, especially someone under stress. Good luck, my friend, let us know how you're getting on.

I left a message for my brother yesterday. I think he tried to call last night when I was at work. Just told him about how upset I am I can't see mom. It's hard being at work at 9 after coming in at 11 last night. I thought I could do it. Too hard, should have left earlier.

Work is good for the soul, Scott.

All I said was I don't know how she is mentally. I don't know anything at all about her. Whether she's lost weight, or anything else. I would like to try to work today.

Scott, an old friend of mine used to call weekends "the truce." During the week he was battling with financial problems, work problems, legal problems, people problems. During the weekend, the calls stopped, no one came banging on his door asking for anything. You still have today, Sunday, as a "truce." Use it. Pack your DVDS and CDs and other things you need or care about so they'll be there for you later. Carefully, lovingly, pack your mother's things for her. Tomorrow take one of the big steps you know you have to take --- go to the housing people and/or your clinic and/or the ER and say, "I'm mentally ill; I need your help," and then go on from there. My therapist once told me "nothing changes until something changes." In other words, you have to make a change happen. Life will be better. Your mother will get stronger. You will see her again when you're both better. God bless. C.

Scott, your mom may be in a wheelchair, but she can still communicate. Retaining that ability after a stroke is huge. She's not bedridden, she has the use of one arm. Also huge assets. Is there something that makes you believe she's not further mentally intact?

She is quite lucky that your brother has the ability to manage her care. Of course he has to move her close to where he lives. In an emergency, close family has to be close by to get to the hospital. Family members that get to the hospital need to be able to supply medical history, answer questions about medications and the like.

Right now, Scott, you could be striving to be able to be that family member. You need to be taking steps (baby steps) to get there. Mental health housing, meds, therapy and a better job. With support, you ll get there.

During the 17 years you lived with your mom, did you think that situation was going to last forever? Did your mom encourage you to get mental help? Did your brother encourage you to work and not be supported by mom's SS?

Scott your mother is burned out from 17 years of caring for her adult son. She can't do it anymore that is why she won't see you or talk to you. Right now she is fighting every day for her own life and independence. Every day is a battle for her so don't add to her burdens.