My Mom (78) had a severe stroke 2 months ago and does not want me to visit her in the place she is in. Any advice?

I tend to be cautiously or should I say realistically optimistic which I realize sounds like a contradiction of terms.

realtime I hope so too.

Veronica, It took courage for Scott to admit those things to us. Maybe he's gaining some self-knowledge. Maybe we've helped. I hope so.

Veronica; very much in agreement with you, but as with Dementia patients, until they have been declared incompetent, there's not much you can do. His brother is an Attorney General and can't get this done; what chance is there for the rest of us? Praying for Scott; it's bitter cold in NYC today.

There is a lot we may never know but bits of the real story are emerging - poor Mom-yelling for help and he could not or did not want to get to her. Mental illness is the bigest scandel in this country

Fingers crossed he's out there getting the help he needs. We may never know.

He might be having trouble getting online. Oh boy...

Any updates from ScottReisman? He has not posted in two days now.

How are you doing, Scott?

I've been reading your posts about the state of your apartment. Well. A studio apartment isn't built to house more than one person comfortably anyway. I suppose, hypothetically, if we're going back over old ground, the place to put your finger on would be your mother's allowing you to move in with her originally. She was being protective of you, I expect, and if you were having a struggle at that time - it really is a long time ago, now - she probably just wanted to do something to make everything work out for you. I don't suppose it was ever anybody's idea that you'd stay put for good.

Hoarding is a very particular thing. You probably have got tendencies (so have I, I regret to say), but whether or not it goes to extremes - I haven't seen where you live, so I can't tell. Anyhow, it's going to be sorted out now, isn't it?! Like it or not.

I don't think you have much grounds to bitch about the sheriff's charges. Let me guess who's paying them - not you, I'll be bound. I'm pulling your leg here, but do you reckon your brother kind of wishes the people who clear the apartment could be bribed into taking you too? You'd have to be properly wrapped and labelled, of course… Sorry, you're probably not in the mood for gallows humour.

Right then. When is all this happening? You say if there were elderly people resident in the apartment the sheriff would have to call in agencies to help them relocate. Well, you're not elderly but you are vulnerable. When you were in hospital those times, did anyone have power of attorney for you? - or act as your advocate? I hope it wasn't your mother. If it was, that responsibility will perhaps have been transferred to somebody else.

Tell me what you expect to happen, and when, please? I've lost track of where you've got to.

By the way, what business is it of someone you're planning to rent a place from that your mother had a stroke? I'm curious as to how that came up. Ask your caseworker to help you work out a script for these calls. The people you're speaking to don't want or need to hear your life story, just that you're looking for a place, you're not a nightmare tenant and you can pay the rent.

I hope you're doing ok, post when you can.

He will not listen to a thing any of you/us say! I fell sorry for the poor brother and mom! OK I won't say anything more.

Scott, Let me get this straight. At first you were mad that your mom didn't get a certain drug in time that would have lessened the impact of her stroke. You blamed the medical staff. Now you are saying you didn't call 911 in a timely manner because you were embarrassed by your hoarding? You were then obsessed by researching people who have had strokes and drugs that could have helped?

It sounds to me like you are being consumed by your feelings of guilt in the situation, which certainly can't help your mental state.

With the sheriff coming soon to evict you, I wouldn't even bother trying to make an appointment for tomorrow. You need to get yourself to the ER now, tonight, for admittance. You obviously won't take the reins to guide your own life and haven't for years. You need a guardian to make sure you are safe and healthy.

You need a lot more than your poor mother right now. I'm glad she is in a safe place and receiving the help she needs. I advise you to seek help immediately
for the same.

Scott, It took courage for you to tell us about the hoarding situation. Do you think you're getting stronger? Tomorrow, please, please, move heaven and earth to reschedule your appointment with the housing people.

Scott - hoarding is now listed as mental illness. You can tell the case worker at your next meeting that you are a hoarder and mentally ill, and need help. Prayers are continuing.

You hesitated to call 911, Scott, because you didn't want to reveal your hoarding problem. You also didn't want to reveal it to us. Some things make more sense with this part of the picture in view.

I wish you success at your next interview for supportive housing. You are clearly mentally ill and deserve that support. Please reach out for that help.

Meanwhile, you will have to vacate the apartment. Please do not be a holdover. Move before the sheriff accompanies you out.

The task of cleaning up the hoarder apartment is overwhelming, but can you at least pick out the items you will need. You don't need to take 3 broken bicycles to a temporary room. You do need a warm jacket. I hope you have the strength to do some sorting.

Has your brother claimed the items you mother will want?

Let us know where you end up next, Scott. I'm puzzled and a little disgusted but I do care.

Scott, you are correct. The thread changed from being about your mom, her stroke, and how upset you have been for three months, one of which has been spent here online with us, that you have not been able to see your mom, plus how upset you are with your brother who is charge now of your mother's care.

Then, it changed to focusing more on you, your mental health issues and finally your need to fine housing. As many have already said, the only thing that you have any influence or control over right now is taking care of yourself and where you are going to live. This is where the thread has gone in its focus since I am not exactly sure when.

People are trying to help you deal with what you can actually do something about! Do you not appreciate that?

Would you rather still be repeating your initial concerns about your feeling about your mom who has had this stroke whom you cannot see, and your brother is now in charge of her care?

I don't know of anything more that anyone can do for you. You must use the advice and support that has been given and move forward with your life instead of just letting life just happen to you and not taking responsibility for your own present and future life.

You are he one who has the power to chose if you want to live as a victim of circumstances that you just let roll over you or live as a person who works hard for victory in their lives to overcome their circumstances.Your dad is no longer around to help you and your mother is no longer available to help you. You must help yourself with the resources that are available to you. That's life!

I understand the problem now. Scott is a hoarder, and not only is he hoarding things in his apartment, which is how the world sees hoarders, he was hoarding his mother - a person. As he said, "I didn't call 911 the night she had the stroke, or earlier at least; to get over to her by the bed would have required going past piles of stuff. 3 broken up bicycles, all broken things, broken stereos, broken radios, just kept accumulating." He was accumulating his broken mother in the hoard as well.

As an adult child of a hoarder, I can tell you they can hoard people, animals, and any living things (Confessions: Animal Hoarding shows how I was raised). I was hoarded, barely allowed out of the house growing up, and mthr repeatedly threatened suicide if I went to college. Turns out that is normal behavior for hoarders - they won't take no as an answer when people set boundaries. Brother rescuing mom from Scott was probably the best thing that can happen.

So Scott, you have to give up your stuff. A homeless shelter is probably the best place for you, as they won't let you keep more than what you can carry in and out.

I am wondering about your remark that you started this thread & look where it has gotten to. I don't think you appreciate the fact that when someone shares their situation it is to let you know you are not alone. You sound like a spoiled overgrown little boy in a man's body.

Scott, if the sheriff has already been there three times, the next visit will be the one where they walk you out the door. You need to find another place NOW.

No, no one will help me. The guy was right over the phone; I would need another apartment to store all this stuff. I took over my poor mother's apartment. Just boxes and boxes of stuff all over the place. The only closet is completely full of my stuff. 3 bicycles in a studio apartment. I could not bring myself to throw anything out. Still can't. I think I have a serious hoarding problem, or compulsion or whatever you call it. That was one of the reasons I didn't call 911 the night she had the stroke, or earlier at least; to get over to her by the bed would have required going past piles of stuff. 3 broken up bicycles, all broken things, broken stereos, broken radios, just kept accumulating. Boxes and boxes of crap. There's no air in here from all this stuff. I'm not kidding, and I've been sitting here for 3 months just going to work and not thinking about anything bringing a cell phone to call the hospital allday, she's in the dining area, she's in therapy, she's in the recreation area. Now there will be no one to call. No where to call because I won't know where she is.
The sheriff doesn't remove anything. I didn't say he did that. I don't know what happens, he just executes. That's all, for 135 dollars plus 15 dollars for each person. I think I am what is considered a holdover, someone who won't vacate. That's all he does, come in and tell me to vacate the premises. If there were elderly people present he might have to call ems or whatever agency he needs to call in. That's it.

Scott, I'm glad to hear you've been calling about apartments, getting information about the eviction process, going to church, and so on. When you say that you told your brother about being rejected at the intake interview, are you referring to the interview that took place a few weeks ago? If so, it's so important to schedule a re-interview. Please do all you can to make that happen.

You know, when you call about a room or apartment, you don't have to tell the person about your mother having had a stroke. It might confuse him, he might think you were looking for a place for her. All you need to say is that the apartment you live in is being sold and you have to move.

Well, independently of how an eviction works, what's important is for you to get ahead of the process, so you aren't just sitting there waiting for them to come, and you don't have to walk out with your spare clothes over your arm. Go ahead and pack your personal belongings and find a place to store them before the eviction, so that the sheriff doesn't remove them. Do you think the doorman at your building, or your cousin or your aunt would store them for you? Particularly if they were all packed neatly?

Thank you for letting us know what's happening with you. I'm pulling for you to get past this rough spot and make a good life for yourself.

They let you gather up a few belongings and then leave. Then the landlord changes the locks. In this case my brother will direct the super, his fees are on the door in the basement. You then get 24 hours to contact the sheriff to remove your personal belongings after which time they are considered abandoned.

This was information not from the sheriff's page but from another source.

The NYC Sheriff charges 135 dollars for an eviction. You don't get anything. You have to find out later what will happen to your belongings. The intake form is on his web page.

I originally started this thread about my mother and look how it changed. She's going to be leaving Trump Pavilion sometime this week, that is what I think from talking to my aunt and also the guy from the building. 3 months there of rehab and no improvement, that is what I learned from my brother when he called me back after I called to tell him that I had been rejected from the intake interview for the mental health housing. I told him another appointment was going to be made, and I could answer the questions differently, but the call from him last week on the bus didn't offer any chance for discussion.

My mother had started going to church, which I learned from the many times I tried to call her on Sunday morning. They still answer the phone there at the nursing station on the second floor south where she is. Today I called early, around 830 am, and I think she was right there. I could have given my brother's name, just to get her on the line and maybe she would say a few words to me, but I didn't. I called back and she had gone to church; I think they have a nondenominational church there. I went over to the church right near here, too. Immaculate Conception is the church's name. Everything was in Spanish, though, I was in the wrong church, they have two in the building. I used to always ask her to go for walks with me, short ones; the house on the corner down a block from the church has been completely torn down. I used to go out to the store with her too, I should have been going to the store for her.

I just wanted to see what it was like at the church. They had some singing and music, probably reflective of the large Hispanic congregation. I've been looking at ads on Craig's List too. One guy replied, he had a questionnarre

Ok just got off the phone. Didn't seem to interested after I mentioned my mother having a stroke. Maybe it wasn't so great, no kitchen, wasn't so sure I was interested in that. I could go over and take a look anyway. It's pretty local to here I think, but the guy would only give the address if I was planning to go over.

Hi, Veronica. My disability has not gone through yet so no help there. Now that I have an address I need to look into free or low income assistance with medical & other assistance. Thank you for asking about me. Scott, I hope there have been some positive developments for you. Think about you often.

Happy New Year Scott - it will be different anyway

Well, it is what it is. Looks like you will be in the homeless shelter for a while. How long you stay there depends on what you do about it. I hope and pray you make good choices. Meanwhile, I gather it is cold there and you would do better with a decent amount of warm clothing with you. Homelessness is less of an issue where the climate is good. But I guess you are used to the winters there and know how to survive them.

Thanks for the update and keep us informed. (((((hugs))))

Butterfly can you get help from SS for the rent and some food stamps. Are there any food pantries you can visit? Good thoughts and prayers to you. At least you are doing all you can to help yourself.

Hey Scott. I tell you what...I can relate about some of your circumstances. I came to GA from another state the day before Thanksgiving. Very stressful as a caregiver 24/7 for an aunt & uncle with Alzheimers & dementia. I got down here for a visit & had a nervous breakdown. Still here. To make a long story shorter my son here got an eviction notice & we have until only Jan. 6. Been looking & looking for a place...have some money but bad credit & no job. Now that is a real challenge! But I kept trying & got a call today from a guy willing to take a chance on me & my son. I had about given up hope. We did not get a month's notice so that was added stress. Lots of other stress factors the past month like being cold, hungry & a whole bunch of other stuff I won't bore you with. I am glad you have a job & a month to find you a place. By the way, I used Craigslist & it was frustrating when people did not respond, etc. I did not give up, kept trying even though I did not feel like it. It paid off finally. I am partially disabled, suffer also with chronic depression, anxiety & panic attacks...I think I've said all that before. Anyway, I don't know how we will have rent in February if son does not find work but I have no choice but to take a leap of faith. Just sharing with you so you know you are not alone. Hope all this made sense!

Scott, I am new to this thread but I've read every post. You must listen to the great advice you have been given by these nice people. They want what is best for you. You wanted to know if anyone else had some one who had a stoke like your mom's. Yes it was my grandfather, he had 3 strokes several years apart and he was paralyzed all the way on his left side, and he had to work very hard in rehab just like your mom is doing now. She needs you to take care of yourself now. You need to get back on your meds, you need to find a safe place to live, you need to own the fact you have a mental illness. That's OK lots of people have a mental illness, there's no shame in that, the problem comes when you will not help yourself. Mama cannot take care of you, you need to take care of yourself. You must get back on your meds, I know they make you feel different, but that is good! It will help you to see things more clearly. First you need to get your housing situation under control...noone wants to live in a shelter but if you have to for a few weeks until you get housing do it. Don't go on the streets, its not safe and your brother will not rush out to save you. You need to save you! Blessings for a good new year. Linda

Just keep calling all the ones that look promising. "Hi, I'm Scott. I need a room for a couple of months due to a change in circumstances. When can I come see the room you have available?"

yes, that's what the social worker said, about waiting. She also suggested i look for a room on craig's list. don't know where to begin on there, so many ads, and they never get back to you half the time.