So I'm pretty sure my mom has dementia. We've been trying to get a neuro psych appointment scheduled but it's so dang difficult. I've made schedules for mammograms, dexa scans, and now, a dentist to take out a rotten tooth (which the aftercare should be so fun 😑).
My issue is mom's stubborness(?) with McDonald's. She goes to get blueberry muffins for my disabled sister but I'm pretty sure she also gets herself food; i have no idea how many times she goes a day. One day I knew she went twice. That wouldn't be a problem except she has high blood pressure and high cholesterol and she's pre-diabetic (don't even get me started on her continuously buying soda. She doesn't remember why she can't have it). I've tried getting her easy cook meals for home but she tries to foist them on me instead and if I don't take it, she bothers the neighbors. She bought $200 in Schawn's and foisted three things on me and STILL has the other stuff in her freezer, untouched. I've given her frozen fries and stuff to make sandwiches, figuring she likes the fries or something and no go.
At this point I'm done. She can do what she wants. I'm stressing myself out over helping her but she's not interested in helping herself.
Whenever I help her or my aunt helps out, her favorite word to use is domineering to describe us even though we're just trying to help.
I remember when my parents' doctor recommended salt-free meals and low carbs, and Mom started to cook that way. Except for deserts, Mom didn't care what the doctor said, she was having her deserts. Ever try salt-free soup? Nothing to write home about. Dad preferred white bread over the multi-grain that the doctor suggested. Dad loved mashed potatoes, but nope, the doctor's list said no. You get the idea. Dad was no longer looking forward to meals.
Once my Mom had passed and Dad moved into senior living, oh how he enjoyed the meals. He got his mashed potatoes, his white bread, etc. So eating that might have shorten his life [he lived to be 95] at least he enjoyed every meal.
I am older than your Mom, and my partner and I recently were put on health related diets. Not easy. We both hate to cook, so prepared meals it is. I am constantly buying this and that hoping to find something that taste good and is within our diet range. Yes, stuff gets tossed out. Lot of trial and error.
My advise, let her be. Let her enjoy whatever foods she likes.
BUT how do your mother’s issues impact on your sister with disabilities? Is mom a danger to her too?
Especially if diet is high in processed food & fizzy drinks.
Once atuned to a high salt, fat & sugar diet the taste buds will consider a regular healthy diet very bland. This of course can be corrected but the person must WANT to make changes.
Skills to plan, prep & cook a healthy meal with fresh ingredients takes real effort: cognitive & physical effort.
Ordering takeaway can be just so much easier... sigh.
If EASY is what Mom wants, maybe a healthier frozen meal delivery service? Is she able to microwave? Although sounds like you have tried this?
If TakeAway only is what she wants, her Doctor could be advised. Let the Doc do the stern chat.
I've been through this. I tried various suggestions, to see a Dietician, for home help for meal prep, to better quality frozen meals. When gut issues arrived, only then was Dietician advice taken. Cooking deemed too hard but a healthier meal delivery provider has been found.
A Doctor told me people make poor decisions regarding their health all the time. It is not illegal.
I suppose I am wondering what's going on that you suspect a Dementia diagnosis rather than poor decision making?
Also, is there an elephant in the room regarding Mom being caregiver to a disabled sibling?